DAY 33 - 9th September, Monday
There are literally no words I can say to describe today. All I can say is that with everything that has happened Keri is completely numb of feeling and has been put on 10 minute checks, she can't even go to the toilet and brush her teeth without someone knocking on her bathroom door going, "You okay in there, Keri? You alright to open the door?"
The day started reasonably well. Keri was agitated but that's pretty normal. Nothing much happened up until the point I came out and had the psychotherapy session which I found useful. I managed to tell her a lot of things that Keri isn't ready to know about yet. The problem was, near the end of the session a nurse came in to ask if me (thinking I was Keri) and the psychotherapist were ready to go into the 'meeting'. I had no idea a meeting was happening, neither did Keri. This was a hit in the face really but I thought nothing of it. Keri's psychotherapist told me that it wasn't a proper meeting it was just to let Keri know about how the professionals' meeting had gone last week. I went outside for a cigarette while the psychotherapist went into one of the interview rooms so she could join the others. While out smoking I switched and let Keri back out.
As soon as Keri was out she was pacing around the garden and her psychotherapist came out to get her to go into the meeting, of which she had no knowledge about as I hadn't mentioned it to her. They went into the room and were greeted by Keri's foster mum, Keri's foster mum's supervising social worker and Keri's outreach worker, with her care coordinator yet to arrive. Even I felt tense when Keri sat down in one of the chairs, something was telling me things weren't right. I wasn't wrong.
Keri's foster mum's social worker started talking and said, "it's been decided that your placement with your foster carers is being terminated."
"When?" Keri asked almost instantly.
"Today," she responded.
Keri didn't even hear the rubbish coming out of this woman's mouth because she got straight up, burst into tears and ran out into the garden to spark up a cigarette. Her psychotherapist came outside after a minute and stood a foot or so away while Keri paced up and down.
"Keri, I'm so sorry," she said.
"How could this happen? The only reason I've been cooperating with staff and taking medication for some illness I don't even have is because I knew I was going home again after all this!" Keri shouted.
"I know and I can't imagine how terrible you're feeling," she said.
"I've got nothing left now! I ruined my biological family and now my foster family has been stolen! That's two families I've managed to fuck up! Screw everyone now! I don't give a shit! I literally have nothing left to lose now! Everything's been taken from me and I haven't done anything wrong! I'm being punished for having some illness that I don't have!" Keri continued shouting, at which point her care coordinator came outside.
"Mind if I join you?" she asked.
"If you're gonna sit there and give me some more fucking bad news then you can piss off!" Keri shouted at her.
"Don't worry, I won't," she said, going to stand next to the psychotherapist.
"I knew there was a fucking reason they hadn't visited me for over a week! They fucking knew! I've been looking forward to home leave for over a week and now those fuckers come in and tell me this?! Fuck this. I'm going to go and get some PRN," Keri shouted again, storming into the unit and straight to the desk.
The staff had obviously been told that Keri was being given some bad news as there was no questions as to why she was crying or why she wanted any PRN medication. They got it straight out for her and gave her some Lorazepam. As soon as she'd taken it she was back outside smoking, her care coordinator and psychotherapist still standing there waiting for her to come back. They spoke to her for a while and her care coordinator said she'd be coming to visit tomorrow to discuss housing options for when she eventually gets discharged (which in my point of view is going to take longer now because of the stress of today's news). I can't remember half of what she said while I was out there as I was bowled over in shock by this point. Were they deliberately trying to sabotage any progress she was making? Why now? Of all the times, why now?
The Lorazepam started kicking in after a few minutes and the three of them went back inside to the interview room.
"Do you have any questions for me, Keri?" Keri's foster mum's social worker asked.
"Why?" Keri asked, just one word.
"Because the level of support you need is too high for our remit to be able to look after you properly. We also need to think about the other foster child," she said.
"What?! That's the reason I came here! To get better from whatever you fuckers think is wrong with me so I can go home again! And I'm not a danger to my kid foster brother! I'm not going to hurt him! I'm fucking here aren't I? I've been cooperating with everyone so I can get the fuck out of here and you've just come in and ruined it all. You've taken everything I have away from me!" Keri shouted, tears streaming down her face.
Her foster mum had been gobsmacked when she'd been told as no one had seen it coming. She said she'd felt numb and been wandering around not knowing what to do with herself. She said her husband was also devastated at the decision, as was everyone else in the family; the family Keri classes as her own. The problem was they had no control over it. The manager had decided and it was out of Keri's foster parents' hands. They couldn't do anything about it.
At first Keri flew off the handle, then started feeling numb and blocking everything out. By the end of the chat she was zoning out a bit, we all were, which was partly because of the medication she'd had which had taken full effect by that point. Keri's foster mum promised to still come and visit regularly but the manager had said that home visits were banned. If you ask me that's just pushing Keri back to square one. I dread to think what she's going to be like when these feelings kick back in. I think the term I used on my Facebook was "chaos personified". If the alarms are going off several times tomorrow then that's going to mean Keri's numbness has gone and she goes off her nut. Sally's very happy with the decision which is upsetting Keri even more!
I'm sorry. I'll have to end the post there. I'm getting a bit upset talking about all this. It was good to vent but now I just want to cry. WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS TO HER? TO US?
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