Sectioned in Hospital - 9 months 28 days

Written by Fox.

Jesus. I think it's time for some kind of intervention or something here! Keri's gone completely looped this evening, or more rightly the last 4 hours considering it's nearly 4am.

I thought the day started quite well. Keri was given her Quetiapine and also some extra Lorazepam for her home visit just in case, the staff read her diary and also checked her bag; both before leaving and also on coming back as there was a very short period where Keri's foster mum was showing Keri's 'pet nurse', as she called her, around the garden. Keri didn't dissociate but because she could've dissociated and dashed in and out the kitchen they checked anyway. Her home visit went very well. Like I said in my last post, I knew she'd feel differently as soon as she stepped foot in that door. She described it as 'walking on the clouds of heaven'! She was happy to see her foster mum but was getting really confused over the fact she knew so much of what Keri was doing. Keri still thinks I'm taking a break from blog posts so doesn't know her foster mum sees them. She was only able to stay for just over an hour but an hour was all Keri needed. She was out of hospital, despite being escorted, and she felt like she was home again. I will admit that there were a lot of us that were reluctant to leave and come back to the hospital but did anyway without any hassle from Sally as me and David had that covered. If you're reading this, thank you for letting Keri visit! 

For a few hours Keri was actually feeling a bit better. For some reason from about 11.30pm she's just... I don't even know how to explain it. She's self-harmed several times again and now has dressings all the way up her left forearm, she's in and out of dissociative trances and isn't really able to listen to anyone and is getting preoccupied (which one of the nurses pointed out when he was sorting out Keri's arm, stating that she was a lot more distracted than usual). She's spent a lot of the last few hours rocking on her bed, shouting random things in rhymes and when she's outside smoking she's climbing on all the garden furniture and jumping from bench to bench! She's been dosed up to her eyeballs again but she's just completely manic, but very depressed. It's weirding me out! I don't like it! She's not even close to going to bed and keeps wandering round and round in figures of eight. I don't understand how she was okay one minute then suddenly switched to this! And I know it's not another personality as I deliberately checked to make sure. 

She saw the dietician who said she'd bought Keri a cereal bar to eat each day. She gave Keri one today which sat on her bedside table. Once it started getting dark she went out in the garden while no one was watching, took it out the wrapper, chucked it over the fence then went back to her room and strategically placed the empty wrapper very noticeably in her bin so she knew the staff would see it and write on her fluid/food intake chart that she's had a cereal bar when in reality she's eaten naff all.

I really hope her psychotherapist is able to do something if she's still like this tomorrow as I'm really at a loss. David has no idea what to do either and several personalities have decided to start arguing about cheese! What is this world coming to right now! Someone explain it to me because... I don't understand and normally I understand things ten times better than anyone else internally. But now I'm clueless. I'm never clueless. Does that mean there's something wrong with me too? If I spoke, I'd be shouting at a wall right now, and I'm pretty passive!

Sectioned in Hospital - 9 months 26 days

Written by Fox.

Well, it's been a week since I was last able to write any kind of post. Internally and externally things have just been chaos. Sally is still homicidal, Trixie has now been conned by Sally and now thinks she's a completely separate person again so an overdose would be on the cards but thank you for giving Keri a sensible psychiatrist! Keri has been here for over a month and usually after a week of being transferred to a different ward she's able to have unescorted leave. This time it hasn't been the case on this ward as there's various factors that prevent it being safe for Keri to go out; Sally wants to murder people with no thought to the consequences, Trixie wants to overdose and Keri wants to drown us all out with vodka. Only in the last two days, Keri has self harmed ten times! She had less than two hours sleep last night and it's likely the same will happen again tonight.

Her eating? Don't go there. For a while Keri was buying food and throwing up, or she's just not bothering to eat. The dietician is concerned and I caught a glimpse of the first page of their observation folder (as far as I'm aware Keri didn't see it). They have a sheet specifically for recording Keri's fluid and food intake, and they know she's been making herself sick due to the fact they keep a close eye after she's finished eating and know when she's locked her door and disappeared into her bathroom. The dietician suggested to Keri that it might be best to have the staff lock her ensuite door every time she buys food. Keri was dead against this as she said she'd completely panic and not eat at all. She won't make herself sick in one of the public toilets and she told the dietician that who completely understood that it was a 'private affair'. What help is that?

She fasted for a few days and then binged today. She's planning another fast starting, well, at 7.15pm which is over 6 hours ago.

She was able to meet with her personal advisor yesterday who brought along the virtual school officer (she will pay for Keri to do any online course for qualifications, a couple of years ago she managed to get an A Level in Psychology!). At first I thought Keri was optimistic, then realised she was faking which meant Clari half came out. Keri was talking but Clari kept her tone of voice quite upbeat and got her laughing. Truth is, Keri's too depressed to care.

Her ward round today consisted of Keri getting more and more annoyed with the staff and her psychiatrist. What's the saying? The straw that breaks the camel's back? That might end up being tomorrow if her tribunal result ends up being that her section is to remain as it is, which is going to happen. Keri made it quite clear what she wanted and said straight out to everyone in the room "All I want is fucking discharge papers and a bottle of vodka". She's going to be called alcohol dependent at this rate!

Her psychotherapist made it to the ward round and spoke to the psychiatrist before and after Keri was in there. Her opinion is to remove any contact Keri has with her mother and her mother's boyfriend for 2 - 3 months and then review it. For me I think this is good. Keri may want to see her mum on a biological level but it's not good for Keri. She always seems to go a bit loopy after her mum leaves. Coincidence? Some people think it is. Most people don't. And Keri needs to concentrate on her therapy right now, even though her brain is telling her to tell everyone to 'fuck off'. She was excited a few days ago that someone finally sorted out some escorted home leave to her foster parents, but now there's no enthusiasm for anything! I do think that when she actually gets there she might feel differently (although I'm going to text our foster mum and get her to hide the knifes from the magnetic strip they have! Not because I think Sally will come out but if they're out of sight they're out of mind and me and David won't have to start fighting with her if she glimpses one. If they're in a drawer, not a problem).

Her antipsychotics and other medications better kick in properly soon or Keri's going to end up in a very deep hole, though I'm worried she is already. She can't openly discuss her feelings. She tells the staff she's fine all the time even though one member of staff here has commented on her change in mood and behaviour as he's worked nights the last couple of days (Jamie's actually got a crush on the guy!). Keri may think she's not giving them any leverage by not talking about anything but in reality her brain has gone haywire..

Sectioned in Hospital - 9 months 16 days

Written by Fox.

The day didn't go by a good start. Keri had less than three hours sleep and was up before 8am throwing up in her toilet due to her nightmares. After that she couldn't get herself back into bed again so grounded herself by standing in the rain, smoking and getting herself orientated back into the present e.g. where she was, what month it was etc.

One of her key workers came into her room and sat with her as she was concerned over the fact Keri was up so early as it's never a good sign. She gave Keri her morning medication, along with additional sedatives. She's also planning on doing a DBT group twice a week for half an hour. As she knew Keri had done DBT for a year she suggested Keri help her with the group. She's pretty up for that. She wants to show she's at least trying to do things rather than do what she wants aka hiding under her duvet forever.

She managed to go out on leave in the afternoon and got really annoyed with the nurse as whenever she takes Keri to the supermarket she goes and does her own shopping too! Keri gets freaked out by loads of people and doesn't like to linger unless with someone she trusts completely. In and out, that's it, not lingering waiting for her escort!

Keri's light of her day was when her foster mum and kid foster brother turned up to visit. Considering how low she'd been for most of the day and how out of it she'd been on her medications she was still able to chat and even laugh! Considering her foster brother is only 15 he seemed quite comfortable being on an adult psychiatric ward. I was surprised. It's been a long while since I last saw him. He's changed a lot! Last time Keri saw him I wasn't really around so it's been a while. Keri gave her foster mum her birthday present but forgot to put her Mother's Day card with it! Although I'm sure Keri will see them again soon. She's going to ask the consultant for home leave for the third ward round running this week, hopefully he will agree now that Keri is finally off ten minute observation! 

I'm glad they came to see her as it'd been such a depressing day! We couldn't cheer her up at all so it made the rest of us feel like crap as well. I like seeing them. They're my family too!

Sectioned in Hospital - 5 months 17 days

Written by Fox.

DAY 171 - 25th January, Saturday

Keri woke up quite late again. She didn't go to bed until early this morning. The staff tried repeatedly to get her up but gave up after a while. They knew Keri would get up when she felt she was able to.

I've spent most of the day trying to search for Natalie (one of our oldest alters) and Keri has spent most of the day with her little brother. Jamie cut Keri's hair so that she no longer looked like she had a mop on her head. They chilled out and watched TV, did some shopping in the supermarket, escorted by staff. As far as I'm aware Keri enjoyed his company, although of course I can't say that for certain as I was a bit busy myself. She normally does like him visiting though so I don't see why today would be any different.

Tonight Keri was getting extremely depressed again. She went out to smoke to find Ade and Gemma sat smoking on the bench. In the end they invited her to have a game of Scrabble in the foyer. The game went on for over an hour! Keri lost but she didn't mind. She had her medication an hour late and sat outside with Ade after the game to smoke. He said that Keri seemed a little more alert than yesterday and Keri said it was because of the time she'd spent with staff rather than all her concentration being on Sally and her criticism.

Unfortunately Keri is back in her room again but I'm hoping she'll spend some more time with Ade and Gemma tonight, whether sitting in the office or playing a game with them. The less conversation with Sally the better off we are. Keri's CPA is in 6 days. There's still a 100% probability that Sally will have disappeared by then, at least once, or cut Keri to the point she needs stitches (which isn't helping her iron levels which are already low). 

I'm hoping to find Natalie tomorrow. I'm giving it another shot for Keri's sake. 

TRIGGER WARNING - scars, stitched wound and dressed wounds in the photo.

P.S. Keri's new hair. She's pretty happy with it. One of the bonuses of having a little brother who does hairdressing!

Sectioned in Hospital - 5 months 9 days

Written by Fox.

DAY 163 - 17th January, Friday

Keri really didn't want to get up today but was woken up by loud knocking from Clive telling her that her medication was ready. Keri forced herself up and hadn't realised that it was nearly midday which meant she needed to get herself sorted for her ward round, even though part of her was wondering what the point was going to be in going. It actually turned out a lot more constructive than she thought. She's still on one to one observation but she's been given back some escorted leave over the weekend. As long as there's no incidents then hopefully they can work on building up her unescorted leave. Her dose of Pantoprazole for her GERD has been changed from the morning to the evening to see if that helps Keri's worsening acid reflux situation. Her Diazepam has been dropped another 1mg. She was on 30mg a few weeks ago and now she's managed to get down to 28mg. The manager suggested working with him to form some kind of contract about boundaries and acceptable behaviour. Sally will do anything to sabotage that but Keri's spoken to us and she's happy to sign one, so am I, so is Clarissa and so is David. That's a start at least.

The staff have been trying to keep Keri's spirits up today and have been doing so quite well actually. In ward round she was asked to rate her mood between 1 and 10 (1 being I'm going to the bridge, 10 being life is great). Keri said 10. They actually believed her! Are these people fools? She's barely scraped herself onto a 2! At times her mood has fluctuated between 2 and 3 but is now rested on a 2 this evening. The problem is that Keri is very good at putting on false laughs and a smile. One of the staff decided to try and find humour in Keri's one to one observation and made a hat which was called 'The Bonnet of Observation'. It's for Keri's 'appointed stalker' (like she calls them) to wear as a novelty thing. Some of the staff aren't into it. Justin has refused to wear it tonight! Outrageous really. But it's better to find the laughs in it, otherwise you'd just cry.

Keri had her psychotherapy session with Fiona and Keri chatted a lot, it seemed like she'd never stop talking. I think the whole one to one thing is actually being beneficial to her as it's helping to encourage her to talk about her feelings and what's distressing her rather than hiding in her room, sneaking down for a cigarette while staff are in the office and then sneaking back upstairs again with no interaction with anyone. Fiona noted how Keri seemed a little more perky today but that's just Keri, her mood is so extremely changeable that it's crazy. One minute you'd think she was high on drugs, the next she'd be crying in the corner cuddling a teddy and not knowing why.

The highlight of today has got to be Keri's brother visiting. Jamie got the train to Bristol and walked to the hospital to visit her. Keri had managed to get her escorted leave sorted and went with Matt, who was well informed of her plan to take Jamie out to buy him his birthday present. She wanted to get him an iPad and a case. He didn't even realise it was for him until she was at the counter! Keri was quite sly and was getting his opinion on cases etc so she could buy what he wanted without him even realising that was why she was asking so many questions! He's absolutely amazed with his new gadget and is really grateful to Keri. She got a lot of hugs for that! When they got back from leave Keri sent Jamie upstairs as she had a slight blip getting very panicky while they were in the supermarket so she had some extra medication. She was seriously shaking. Even Jamie noticed when she got up to her room, her hand was all over the place while she was trying to drink her coke! Luckily the Lorazepam calmed her down and she helped Jamie set up his iPad. They managed a few games of Just Dance on Keri's Wii before he had to leave to go and get the train back to Taunton again. He's hoping to be able to visit weekly from now on. I really think this would be good for Keri. They're relationship has just gotten better and better since Keri finally realised he wasn't a demon!

She's feeling quite restless at the moment but hopefully she'll be able to sleep. She was almost on the verge of fainting at one point as her and Jamie were really getting into the dancing game. It was quite strenuous on Keri's poor little body when she hasn't had any food since Sunday! The staff aren't bothering trying to spend ages persuading Keri to eat. They're all well aware that she's fasting until Monday. She may have only been on this ward a short time but they've realised how strong willed she is, especially when it's in regards to food. Her plan is to eat on Monday and Tuesday evening, a four hour time slot where she can eat what she wants, then go back to fasting again. Whether she actually eats on Monday is another thing. She hates herself whenever she's weighed. Even if she's lost weight she still thinks 'I need to lose more'. The silver lining to this is that because she's not eating she hasn't self harmed. There's been times where she's felt like it but she hasn't actively done it. Well done Keri for that at least!

And to reveal... The Bonnet of Observation! Being worn by Keri's 'appointed stalker' at the time.

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 83 & 84 (12 weeks)

Written by Fox.

DAY 83 - 29th October, Tuesday

Keri started her day with a visit from her little brother. He brought her birthday presents with him, and she opened them even though her birthday isn't until Thursday! He got her a great hoody that has written on the front "If one of my multiple personalities wants to kill themselves, is it classed as a hostage situation?" And on the back it says "Guess who I am today". It's great. He also got her the first series of Bad Education which has Jack Whitehall in it, she's a big fan. She also got given a parcel and a letter from staff, the parcel contained her onesie from her aunt and uncle (which she loves to pieces!) which even includes a hood with ears on! And then a card from her mum's dad which contained a cheque which she wasn't expecting!

Half way through her visit she got a surprise when her foster mum came in and she'd brought her sister and niece to see Keri too. They live in Worthing and sometimes come down for a few days to stay with Keri's foster mum. They had a good laugh and a chat. At some points Keri was wondering what the point was in putting on a smiley face but she kept at it anyway. Even though she's still suicidal, she did like the fact that they'd visited (although Keri's foster mum's niece is obsessed with a song called Baby Monkey, riding backwards on a pig?!).

Once they'd all left she kept herself in her room as she wasn't allowed out. The HDU garden was kept locked for most of the day until a member of staff was sat down doing paperwork in the HDU office. She didn't bother using the garden though, she only really goes out there when she's thinking of scaling the fence.

Her ward round wasn't until nearly 6pm! For some reason they'd gone on longer than usual and Keri ended up having her ward round in her bedroom! All of Keri's leave has been taken away, including escorted leave (however they made an exception afterwards so Keri could get some food for Clari and staff took her over). Jane, one of the nurses in the ward round, said that she was going to have to talk to the police later that evening to tell the sergeant about the plan of action as the police are really annoyed with the staff at the hospital. That's twice in less than a week that Keri's been dragged off the suspension bridge and taken back to the unit, and she's not kidding around. The police know that! They wanted to know how a patient detained on a section on a secure ward was able to 'escape' so often. In their view, Jane said that the police had said Keri needed to be kept in the hospital and institutionalised (aka living in hospital for the rest of her life). Everyone knows that won't happen but Keri was shocked to hear it anyway. They were a bit dodgy about letting Keri home for her birthday on some leave with her foster parents but phoned Keri's foster mum to discuss it. As long as everything is okay this end, it won't be a problem. The staff found the hoody her brother had got her hilarious. Jane turned round and said "In all my years I've heard all the jokes about mental health but I've never heard that one before!"

Like I said earlier, they did let her out after ward round with Jane. That's only because Keri still feels like a walking bruise. The staff did joke about tying their shoelaces to Keri's but in all seriousness they were quite edgy about letting her out.

And finally, Keri's iPhone has now arrived! Security brought it up to the unit this evening. It's so complicated! I'm leaving Keri to deal with that. I've only just gotten the hang of using her iPad let alone that thing! Her mum and mum's partner are visiting tomorrow with some small presents (some are in the post as they didn't know whether they were going to be able to see her for her birthday).

DAY 84 (12 weeks) - 30th October, Wednesday

Keri was actually up before 9am! She was told to get up and go to the clinic room to get her medication. Obviously after she'd done this she was out of bed and awake. 

A bloody tribunal doctor came to see Keri to say that her application to withdraw her tribunal had been denied! Even in the circumstances! Keri made it quite clear that there was no point in sorting the tribunal out as she'd refuse to go anyway. So that tribunal is screwed up, which means she can't have another one within this six months that she's sectioned, technically seven months as the month on a section 2 doesn't count towards the six months on a section 3. I thought the doctor was very rude to Keri actually. Obnoxious and arrogant are two words that spring to mind, she seemed to think she was more important than everyone else.

Straight afterwards, literally, Fiona turned up and had a session with Keri. She's getting even more fed up with people talking about her future and she's annoyed about all her leave being taken away as she doesn't want to be kept safe. Like her friend Megan said to her when she was texting earlier, Keri's a "determined little fuck". I couldn't have said it better myself! Now Keri's got it in her head that the only way out is the suspension bridge there's no way she can distract herself. She's thinking more and more, planning in more and more detail, it's actually freaking the crap out of me because, sooner rather than later, she's going to succeed.

Her mum and partner visited today. They told Keri they had some small presents but Keri didn't class them as small! Even just a visit from them was enough for her! She got some doc martin boots from her mum (from a friend except Keri's mum can't fit in them!), lots of iced coffee, cigarettes, brownies and also a fab watch which Keri had her eye on when she saw her mum wearing something similar. Keri now has two watches which she's quite happy with. She's obsessed with time. They had a good chat but the visit took a downhill drop when Keri asked staff if she was allowed out. She wanted to go to tesco and take Amos out for a walk but the staff said she wasn't allowed any leave. This got Keri real annoyed. Luckily, an ex patient who Keri met last time she was here had come to visit. Keri recognised her but didn't say anything at first just in case she'd forgotten who Keri was but she knew her straight away and they had a good chat, she even stood and chatted with Keri, Keri's mum and her partner for a bit. According to Keri she looked a lot better than the last time she was here. I wouldn't know, I never met her. Keri got cheered up a bit but hated it when it was time for them to go. With a box of coke cans and lots of doggy kisses from Amos (they brought him to the entrance to the unit to say goodbye again) they said goodbye and left. It'll probably be the last time she sees them until after court, that's if Keri doesn't go off her nut.

Considering the cabin fever Keri's been very good at trying to keep her stress levels down. There are some patients that aren't helpful at all when it comes to that but she hasn't tried scaling the fence. She's desperate to go home for a bit, I just hope she holds out enough to be able to get back to the hospital again. I'd hate to see her suddenly panic or get agitated and having to be brought back to the unit by the police rather than her foster carers. That's the problem at the moment, Keri's on constant red alert which means panic mode can kick in pretty quick, which means she doesn't think about what she's doing, and she's been saying really random things again this evening; not very often but it's kinda weird. I just wish her the best for tomorrow, or today, it's her birthday now! So happy hallowe'en  and happy birthday Keri! Love all of us! :)

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 81

Written by Fox.

DAY 81 - 27th October, Sunday

Oh god what a week. I'm sorry I haven't been posting or anything. Been really tired and busy. Keri's been doing her therapy, avoiding the dietician, avoiding physio (besides helping out the student by being a guinea pig for her exam).

She had a visit from her mum and her mum's partner, plus his daughter, yesterday. Nice big Nemo cuddly fish. Jimmy has fallen in love with it! He's determined to try making a Nemo out of his Lego but hasn't done it yet. They also gave Keri a couple of puzzles which she finished within a few hours! They took Amos out for a walk and Keri got covered in doggy kisses when it was time to say goodbye. It was a nice visit, and Keri's mum made a point of saying that she wanted to see Keri ALIVE one more time before court.

Explaining that last point, Keri tried killing herself again on Thursday and it was way too close for comfort! She managed to get out unescorted but was reported missing. She even sat up on the hill on a bench to make sure that there was no foot traffic wandering along the suspension bridge so that she wouldn't get caught. She had no hesitation but didn't take into account how fast the security guards up there could run! So she ended up getting into a fight with the police which meant she was taken into one of the guards' offices walking bent over with her arms twisted behind her back. In the end she was brought back to the unit in the cage of a police van. She didn't really talk much about it. The staff and her foster mum made her feel guilty because they care but all she could think of was how pissed off she was over how close she'd been. She's sure she's not going to make the same mistake twice.

Today she tried getting out on her own to get back up to the bridge. She thought she'd gotten away with it as it was a temp nurse signing her out and opening the door. Keri made it about ten brisk steps out of the door before one of the nurses shouted after her and said she was coming along as the charge nurse, Vex, realised Keri had just been signed out and didn't want to risk another repeat of Thursday, which is exactly what would've happened. She even tried getting over the fence in the HDU garden this evening but because it had been raining there was no grip for her trainers which meant she ended up having medication and sitting in her room. The staff locked the door to the garden so Keri now has to smoke outside in the communal garden.

What a week! Keri's also worried about her foster mum's mum as she's quite ill. Keri felt horrible when she was told about her as her foster mum phoned Keri on the evening Keri was taken back to the unit so she was casually talking about how pissed off she was because of her suicide being ruined and then her foster mum told Keri about her mum. No one knows the time scale about how much life she has left in her: could be a day, a week, a month, a year. She has a progressive illness so everyone's been told that all they can do is make sure she's as comfortable as possible. 

I know how horrible Keri feels and how determined she is to kill herself as even the guilt from everyone around her isn't effecting her as much as usual (hence the fact she tried scaling the fence today because she couldn't get out on her own unescorted...). I don't know what to do with her anymore :(

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 68

Written by Fox.

DAY 68 - 14th October, Monday

Keri actually set her alarm today at 11am to make sure she was up as she had a therapy session at 12.30pm. Instead of getting up she just looked at her alarm going off for a few minutes, hit the off button and snuggled back into her duvet. She fell asleep and was woken up by her psychotherapist; she was knocking on Keri's bedroom door! She gave Keri five minutes to chuck some clothes on and make a coffee and then they went out into the HDU garden to have their appointment. It was quite a constructive appointment but I don't know much more as I wasn't listening properly!

After an hour of therapy, Keri was still sat outside with her psychotherapist when a nurse called Keri and said her aunt and uncle had arrived! So Keri and her psychotherapist walked down to meet her aunt and uncle, she also introduced them to her psychotherapist. Keri was so happy to see them, and it made me happy to see her so happy! They bought Keri some lovely things like scented soap, DVDs, a bracelet, a little chocolate teddy, a small wooden heart and a book with stupid quotes in it! Keri also went shopping with them. Her aunt and uncle said they'd pay for everything but Keri felt embarrassed about it, but then they made a deal that if she ate a pot of pasta then they'd pay for everything, including Keri's cigarettes. Even a couple of smoothies got added to the basket! Keri then got beaten by her uncle and aunt at both pool and table tennis! That was a laugh. Again, really liked to see Keri so happy. It's been a long time since she's been like that. Overall they stayed for about 2 and a half hours! 

She managed to avoid the physio and dietician again. Either they didn't turn up or they did but saw Keri was either asleep or busy. She's not going to complain though! But she can rub in their faces that she had a pot of pasta and two smoothies today. Although her foster mum is coming at 10.30am tomorrow. Good luck getting Keri out of bed Liz! 

There's an app on Keri's iPad called FaceTime and neither me nor Keri knew what the hell it was, but we know now! Her uncle showed us! It's like skype I think, although I've never used skype so can't compare. But Keri wants to keep in touch with her uncle and aunt and using FaceTime instead of just a phone call would be good for her. She tried it out with her mum this evening which was good, and spent a while on the phone to her little brother. Keri's socialising has been non stop all day until this evening hit and she felt like she'd run into a brick wall. Something just got to her and she feels like a prisoner. All she wants to do is get out of the hospital but she still doesn't understand that her way of thinking is delusional or psychotic. She still lacks the insight and the dissociating makes the situation worse! Oh well, ward round tomorrow so maybe the doctor will be helpful... Haha. Doubt it!

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 62 & 63 (9 weeks)

Written by Fox.

DAY 62 - 8th October, Tuesday

Keri actually got up ready to go to yoga today! It starts at 11am. Even though she looked like the walking dead she still managed it. Afterwards she felt like she'd run a marathon! It's a good job the physiotherapist doesn't see her on Tuesdays because of the yoga. I'm not sure Keri would manage it!

Ward round? Ha! Turned out to be a CPA, or a "review meeting" as Keri's care coordinator called it. So instead of Keri walking in to see three people sat there to do the usual crap there was nearly a dozen people in that room! It was actually quite claustrophobic. Dr. Dickhead was there instead of Keri's usual psychiatrist as she wasn't able to attend. It was decided that Keri's risks were still too high and because Keri refuses to stay voluntarily to be treated (she still thinks there's nothing wrong) then they had to keep her on her section so they could carry on treating her. They're still also looking for a bed in one of the rehab units but Keri's care coordinator reassured everyone by saying that it was in hand. What annoyed me most was her medication change to do with her Diazepam. They put her from 21mg, 7mg three times a day, down to 15mg, 5mg three times a day. Cutting it by 6mg on one day? What is it with these people? 

Keri had a meeting with her personal advisor (PA) from social services who hadn't been invited to the meeting! Sue was very apologetic. They seem to keep leaving her out! Sue filled her in on most of what was said and then left so that Keri and her PA could chat. I left them alone really. I didn't want to interfere. I do know that Keri is fed up with everyone talking about her future when she's so determined not to have one! She hasn't eaten all day again. Plus I still can't find David so at the moment we're a bit screwed.

Keri actually was allowed some leave, even though it was only ground leave and she was going with Jack who's a trustworthy patient. It was only a five minute walk but at least it got Keri off the ward for a bit, especially since we've had a new admission who's constantly kicking off. The problem is she keeps getting taken to seclusion, which is right next to our rooms in the HDU. So every time she gets dragged down there then us and the three other patients all have to hear the shouting.

There was massive upset this evening. One of her best friends in here, the one she kissed, had a really hard time. She had to sit and listen to Mick shouting and screaming from the dining area (all the patients were removed from there so most were in their rooms while others were smoking. Keri was in the garden. Mick had to be restrained by six members of staff (he's a body builder with a broken wrist!) and was injected in the arse three times, so degrading. He also took an overdose. Thankfully we found out it wasn't lethal and he didn't need to be taken to the hospital but Keri felt so helpless. She was pacing outside and Mick came over and tried to calm her down when she felt guilty that it should've been the other way around!

"Come on, Keri," he said. "Come and sit with us."

"I just don't know how to help you, Mick," she said as they hugged. "I know how you're feeling and I know there's nothing I can say that'll make you feel any better. I just care about you too much." 

"It's okay," Mick said. "You going to come and sit with us or am I going to have to lift you up over my shoulders and carry you over there via fireman's lift?"

He started laughing and it did make Keri smile. She went over and sat with him on the edge of the wooden plant box, arms around each other, while Sheila and Jack sat on the bench.

"Fancy a game of pool doubles?" Sheila said.

"Sure, yeah," said Mick and Jack.

"Up for that, Keri?" Mick said. 

Keri nodded as Mick, Sheila and Jack went inside to have some supper before setting up the pool. When Keri finished her cigarette she decided to go down to the HDU instead and hide in her room so people couldn't see her crying or getting upset. Then she was sat racked with guilt thinking that she was being really selfish by taking some alone time instead of forcing herself through a few torturous games of pool while faking a smile. 

DAY 63 (9 weeks) - 9th October, Wednesday

Keri's spent most of the day alone, avoiding all eye contact and only talking if she's asked a direct question. She did take her medication but refused physio. By the time it hit 5.30pm Keri was having a really hard time battling with Sally. The staff refused to let her out on any leave as they knew she was going to dissociate. Instead they'd given her some Lorazepam earlier, and barely two hours later gave her her Diazepam. Nothing worked. She was still restless, agitated, wouldn't talk much. Cat wanted to lock her room so that if Keri dissociated she'd be on the ward rather than in her room getting sliced open. Keri's dead against that. She'd rather get hurt rather than find Sally's caused mayhem on the ward when 90% of the patients don't even know her disorder.

What I don't get is that they've cut her Diazepam by 6mg, yet still are giving her Lorazepam. Studies show that 1mg of Lorazepam is the equivalent of 10mg of Diazepam. So even though they've cut Keri down to 15mg per day, the Lorazepam equivalent puts it up to 25mg a day. What logic is that? They want to wean her off of benzos so that they have some leeway to be able to put it back up when she needs it around the court case, but all their doing is giving her two benzos instead! (For those that don't know, 'benzos' is short for benzodiazepines.)

By 6pm Keri was totally losing it. She was sat rocking back and forth on top of the concrete tennis table in the communal garden smoking and muttering incoherently to herself, spouting random bunches of numbers that seemed to mean something to her yet I had no clue what she meant. Four of the patients tried to get her to sit with them. Even one of Mick's hugs didn't ground her back, she barely even realised any of them were there.

After an hour in the freezing cold, Keri went back to the HDU and sat in her room rocking back and forward on her bed and still not talking to anyone.

Her foster mum arrived to visit her this evening which was really nice as it was quite unexpected. At first Keri was dreading it. She just wasn't in the real world right then. At first when they went to sit in an interview room Keri didn't talk much and just asked lots of questions. She was interested in the answers but kept zoning out. Eventually her foster mum actually got some smiles out of Keri and I think there was even a laugh. All day she had no smiles at all, her face completely void of emotion.

The staff let Keri go out with her foster mum to the supermarket, after checking Keri was okay. Keri's foster mum knows about Keri's switches anyway so she knows about warning signs. I was glad she was able to take her out. I respect Keri's foster mum for all the hard work, even though Keri's not their 'legal' daughter anymore, they still make her feel like she's part of the family (and us obviously!). Keri managed to get her coffee and drinks and even bought some pasta and chocolate. She needed food as she had been close to fainting most of the day. She gave the chocolate away in the end but did eat the pasta. And she remembered to buy a birthday card for her foster parents' grandson. He's 15 on 13th October. I doubt Keri will be able to see him but she can give her foster mum the card and her foster mum has ordered the present for him for her as she's not spending time on the Internet much, Keri will just give her the money. 

So it's now gone 2am and Sally hasn't come out, leaving Keri with a very painful dissociative headache. Sally LOVES mind games. My prediction? They'll find Keri on her bathroom floor less than an hour after she wakes up later this morning.

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 35 (5 weeks)

Written by Fox.

DAY 35 (5 weeks) - 11th September, Wednesday

I can actually say some good things have happened today. The night was hell. Keri couldn't sleep, couldn't stop crying and in the end needed some Lorazepam to calm her down. She even wrote a letter for her foster parents. Eventually, by 3am, she'd fallen asleep with the help from one of the staff. She was very comforting and kind to Keri. 

Keri didn't even get out of bed until gone 1pm! And that's only because a nurse came in and said her foster parents had turned up to visit! 

"Are you serious?" Keri said, looking at the nurse through blurry eyes.

"Yeah, they're in one of the interview rooms," the nurse said.

"Oh my god, tell them to give me ten minutes," Keri said as she got out of bed. 

She dumped some clothes on, checked her face in the mirror to make sure she looked at least a little bit alive, and then dumped a hat on to hide the fact her hair is so greasy you could fry an egg on it. 

When Keri walked into the interview room with them and had some big hugs, she was close to bursting into tears again. They went out in the garden, smoked and generally chatted. Keri enjoyed their company and gave them the letter she wrote last night while she was in the middle of her constant 3 hour crying. She told them not to open it until they had left though. That's because she'd written about how much she loved them etc and she's not good at wording it verbally and gets embarrassed. She finds it easier to write things like that down. 

As soon as they left she got quite upset again. She was kept on 10 minute observation until this evening when they finally put her back on hourly checks, which Keri is extremely grateful of! Might mean she even has a shower tomorrow morning! That's if she gets out of bed. Definitely an early night today. The amount of medication she's had over the last few days and the constant level of distress has finally hit her like a brick in the face. She's exhausted.

She was even allowed to the supermarket this evening! Under the condition that two members of staff go with her. Even so, she managed to go and get some coffee so her caffeine fixes are all sorted!

Not much else to say about today. If I'm honest, we're all totally exhausted! Besides Sally. She's just angry over the fact the garden she can easily escape from has now been locked until further notice!

I've written this earlier than usual as, like I said, we're all tired so I think Keri will crash tonight.

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 34

Written by Fox.

DAY 34 - 10th September, Tuesday

Keri has spent all day still being checked every 10 minutes. Her numbness wore off by the time she woke up this morning so she stayed huddled in a cocoon until about 11am. She then decided that that was that and she wasn't going to bother cooperating any more. She refused her morning medication, refused to communicate with staff and ignored the physiotherapist when she came knocking at the door. This continued until early afternoon.

At about 1.30pm a nurse came out and told Keri she had her medication. Keri was at the reception desk waiting to ask to go out. 

"Keri, I've got your medication here," she said.

"I don't want the fucking pills! I just want to go out!" Keri replied.

"We can't do that, Keri," the nurse said. "Let's go and have a chat."

Keri and two other staff went into one of the interview rooms to have their chat. Keri was still refusing to take the medication and was insistent that there was no point in doing anything the staff asked her anymore, she just kept asking to go out.

"Keri, if you were in our position, would you let one of us out?" asked one of the nurses. 

"But I've got escorted leave, I just want to get out," Keri said.

"You have to tell us where you want to go and for how long," the same nurse asked.

"Tesco," Keri said, the supermarket was only across the road from the hospital.

"Well we're taking away your leave for now," they said. "The risk of you running away from the staff is too high. I'd be devastated and very worried about you if I was in that position. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour and you've put yourself in high risk situations before, sometimes ending up getting quite badly hurt. We're not letting you off the ward at the moment, even with the staff."

There was a lot of conversation about how Keri was feeling. She's absolutely gutted (we all are besides Sally, and jimmy wants his mum and dad back!) about the housing situation and feels there's nothing left to lose. They know how terrible she's feeling through her body language and tone of voice, there's no hiding it. After about an hour they had managed to persuade her to take her medication, which also had additional Lorazepam. Their solution to try and control the situation is to check Keri every 10 minutes and to dose her up on medication. Today she maxed out the amount of PRN Lorazepam she's been prescribed! That's a clear indicator that her medication needs to be reviewed which one of the nurses is going to try and arrange tomorrow as it didn't get discussed during her ward round.

Her ward round didn't take long. It was mainly Keri's care coordinator talking about rehabilitation clinics and getting onto the emergency funding list. Again, there was no discussion of a discharge plan, which means Keri won't be discharged in the near future. She's still got strong intent to drill a hole in her head to get the bug out, except now she's taking it a step further and thinking she may as well jump off the suspension bridge. What's she got left to lose? She doesn't understand that her foster carers love her to pieces even though she doesn't live with them anymore. 

Just to end his post, a little depressing but a key point I think. Keri's been going through the Twilight saga. When she got to the point where Bella and Edward were getting married and Charlie was walking Bella down the aisle, Keri sat there and cried, thinking she'll never get that chance and whether her foster dad would be the one to give her away! So somewhere deep down, she knows her foster parents care about her. The feeling is completely mutual. Keri cares about them as if they were her own flesh and blood. She's also conflicted about her own mother. She's been thinking about moving in with her instead of people playing about with ideas of where she could be put. Where this idea came from I have no idea and I have no idea how that would work, especially with Keri's mixed up feelings about her mum. I think she'd be better in a rehabilitation ward initially. She's not in a position to have the capability to make important choices at the moment. She's still viewed as not having the mental capacity to think and make decisions for herself, hence the fact she's on a section 3!

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 33

Written by Fox.

DAY 33 - 9th September, Monday

There are literally no words I can say to describe today. All I can say is that with everything that has happened Keri is completely numb of feeling and has been put on 10 minute checks, she can't even go to the toilet and brush her teeth without someone knocking on her bathroom door going, "You okay in there, Keri? You alright to open the door?" 

The day started reasonably well. Keri was agitated but that's pretty normal. Nothing much happened up until the point I came out and had the psychotherapy session which I found useful. I managed to tell her a lot of things that Keri isn't ready to know about yet. The problem was, near the end of the session a nurse came in to ask if me (thinking I was Keri) and the psychotherapist were ready to go into the 'meeting'. I had no idea a meeting was happening, neither did Keri. This was a hit in the face really but I thought nothing of it. Keri's psychotherapist told me that it wasn't a proper meeting it was just to let Keri know about how the professionals' meeting had gone last week. I went outside for a cigarette while the psychotherapist went into one of the interview rooms so she could join the others. While out smoking I switched and let Keri back out. 

As soon as Keri was out she was pacing around the garden and her psychotherapist came out to get her to go into the meeting, of which she had no knowledge about as I hadn't mentioned it to her. They went into the room and were greeted by Keri's foster mum, Keri's foster mum's supervising social worker and Keri's outreach worker, with her care coordinator yet to arrive. Even I felt tense when Keri sat down in one of the chairs, something was telling me things weren't right. I wasn't wrong. 

Keri's foster mum's social worker started talking and said, "it's been decided that your placement with your foster carers is being terminated."

"When?" Keri asked almost instantly.

"Today," she responded.

Keri didn't even hear the rubbish coming out of this woman's mouth because she got straight up, burst into tears and ran out into the garden to spark up a cigarette. Her psychotherapist came outside after a minute and stood a foot or so away while Keri paced up and down.

"Keri, I'm so sorry," she said.

"How could this happen? The only reason I've been cooperating with staff and taking medication for some illness I don't even have is because I knew I was going home again after all this!" Keri shouted.

"I know and I can't imagine how terrible you're feeling," she said.

"I've got nothing left now! I ruined my biological family and now my foster family has been stolen! That's two families I've managed to fuck up! Screw everyone now! I don't give a shit! I literally have nothing left to lose now! Everything's been taken from me and I haven't done anything wrong! I'm being punished for having some illness that I don't have!" Keri continued shouting, at which point her care coordinator came outside.

"Mind if I join you?" she asked.

"If you're gonna sit there and give me some more fucking bad news then you can piss off!" Keri shouted at her.

"Don't worry, I won't," she said, going to stand next to the psychotherapist.

"I knew there was a fucking reason they hadn't visited me for over a week! They fucking knew! I've been looking forward to home leave for over a week and now those fuckers come in and tell me this?! Fuck this. I'm going to go and get some PRN," Keri shouted again, storming into the unit and straight to the desk.

The staff had obviously been told that Keri was being given some bad news as there was no questions as to why she was crying or why she wanted any PRN medication. They got it straight out for her and gave her some Lorazepam. As soon as she'd taken it she was back outside smoking, her care coordinator and psychotherapist still standing there waiting for her to come back. They spoke to her for a while and her care coordinator said she'd be coming to visit tomorrow to discuss housing options for when she eventually gets discharged (which in my point of view is going to take longer now because of the stress of today's news). I can't remember half of what she said while I was out there as I was bowled over in shock by this point. Were they deliberately trying to sabotage any progress she was making? Why now? Of all the times, why now?

The Lorazepam started kicking in after a few minutes and the three of them went back inside to the interview room.

"Do you have any questions for me, Keri?" Keri's foster mum's social worker asked.

"Why?" Keri asked, just one word.

"Because the level of support you need is too high for our remit to be able to look after you properly. We also need to think about the other foster child," she said.

"What?! That's the reason I came here! To get better from whatever you fuckers think is wrong with me so I can go home again! And I'm not a danger to my kid foster brother! I'm not going to hurt him! I'm fucking here aren't I? I've been cooperating with everyone so I can get the fuck out of here and you've just come in and ruined it all. You've taken everything I have away from me!" Keri shouted, tears streaming down her face.

Her foster mum had been gobsmacked when she'd been told as no one had seen it coming. She said she'd felt numb and been wandering around not knowing what to do with herself. She said her husband was also devastated at the decision, as was everyone else in the family; the family Keri classes as her own. The problem was they had no control over it. The manager had decided and it was out of Keri's foster parents' hands. They couldn't do anything about it. 

At first Keri flew off the handle, then started feeling numb and blocking everything out. By the end of the chat she was zoning out a bit, we all were, which was partly because of the medication she'd had which had taken full effect by that point. Keri's foster mum promised to still come and visit regularly but the manager had said that home visits were banned. If you ask me that's just pushing Keri back to square one. I dread to think what she's going to be like when these feelings kick back in. I think the term I used on my Facebook was "chaos personified". If the alarms are going off several times tomorrow then that's going to mean Keri's numbness has gone and she goes off her nut. Sally's very happy with the decision which is upsetting Keri even more! 

I'm sorry. I'll have to end the post there. I'm getting a bit upset talking about all this. It was good to vent but now I just want to cry. WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS TO HER? TO US?

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 14

Written by Fox.

DAY 14 - 21st August, Wednesday

Due to the lack of updates I'm sure you're all aware it really wasn't a good day. Everything was suspiciously calm the day before. 

Keri was going to go down to the gym. She's still not allowed unescorted leave however one of the nurses made a big mistake, thinking she was allowed unescorted leave on the grounds. He signed her out and she said she'd be back by 12 as that was when the gym session ends, starts at 10am. Later in the evening we found out that this member of staff had been told off very badly for letting Keri out as she's a sectioned patient with no permission for unescorted leave.

She'd barely got through the door to the other unit before she had a blackout. Sally decided to jump at the opportunity to get out of the hospital and an hour later Keri found herself in the middle of a field. In her bag was a new packet of cigarettes, new razor blades and a bus ticket.

It was only about 11.15am so she still had time to get back to the ward by 12pm, but did she? Obviously not! If Sally hadn't taken the chance to escape then Keri would've done it herself anyway. The first thing she did was sit down, take out a blade and start trying to get the bug out of her head. She was doing this for ages before giving up and bursting into tears as she could still feel it clawing at her skull. Unfortunately she was very close to some train tracks so, after unsuccessfully trying to remove this bug, she climbed the fence and got onto the train line.

The voices she was hearing were overpowering her and she kept clawing at her head to get everything out, which didn't work. Trains drove past as she aimlessly wandered across them and reports were being sent in to the network rail workers that a young blonde was on the tracks. She was very lucky at one point not to get hit.

By this point it was about 3pm and a network rail worker found her on the tracks sitting a few feet away from the rails. Keri was too involved in her psychosis to even respond to what the woman was trying to say and refused to move from the tracks. The woman stayed on the tracks with her to slow down any oncoming trains and also phoned for a paramedic (Keri had blood all over her hands and her head) and the British Transport Police. 

The paramedic arrived on his motorbike and managed to persuade Keri to go with him to get off the tracks after spending a bit of time trying to build a bit of trust. She followed him across the train line and down some steps before sitting at the bottom of them while the paramedic got his medical kit out. The police had arrived and were lingering around and Keri started to panic.

"Keri, listen," said the paramedic. "You're not in any trouble okay? The police are just here to make sure you're kept safe."

While the paramedic was cleaning Keri's head, the police went through her bag. Her passport gave them all the necessary information and also her DID Crisis Card. They were all very understanding. By this point Keri had been crying and told them she didn't want to go back to the psychiatric hospital as she'd been sectioned there for 2 weeks. Even though she's on a full section the police still put her on a section 136 so that they had the legal power to keep her safe until getting her back to the ward as her head injury needed to be treated in a medical hospital first so it could be closed.

Two more paramedics arrived in their van and they took her the nearest hospital to have her head all sorted out. She was rushed straight through because of her agitation and the police escorts. There were a lot of phone calls being made to the psych hospital to clarify that Keri was on a full section and needed to be taken straight back to the ward.

As soon as Keri got near the van to leave after being treated she panicked again. She didn't want to go back to the hospital and started trying to resist the police officers.

"I can't go back there! I don't need to be there!" she shouted.

"Keri, you need to come with us," one of the officers said while keeping hold of Keri so she couldn't try running off again. "I don't want to take you back by force. I want to be able to get you in the backseat. I don't want you handcuffed or put in the cage. You can trust me. I'm not going to let anybody hurt you, okay? Hospital is the only place you can go right now, we have to take you there. Come on, slow your breathing down. Relax for me. That's better. Do you think you can come and get in the van now? I'll be sat next to you all the way so there's nothing to be afraid of."

Keri eventually got into the back of the van after being persuaded. She didn't have a choice. It was either hospital by force or hospital without handcuffs. By the time she'd got back to the ward it was gone 5pm. She'd been missing from the ward for over 7 hours. The police chatted to Keri's key nurse before they left and she went out into the garden afterwards where Keri was smoking and had a good chat with her. She wasn't being belittling or telling her off for what had happened, all she wanted to do was to help Keri. Her key nurse has a very good heart. She gave Keri some Lorazepam with her Diazepam for her 6pm medication to see if it would calm Keri down a bit. It didn't.

One of the highlights of the evening was that at about 8.15pm a nurse came into Keri's room and said, "Your foster mum is going to be here to visit you soon." Keri was gobsmacked! So soon after they're holiday? She didn't think she'd be seeing them until at least Friday. 

Her foster mum gave her a handmade bracelet with Keri's name on it. It's lovely! Clarissa likes the pink bag it came in! Keri's foster mum and Keri chatted a lot about the holiday and about what had been happening on the ward. It turns out the police had actually turned up at Keri's foster parents' house and had to search it from top to bottom to make sure she wasn't hiding anywhere! The fact that her foster mum visited really pleased Keri. She was feeling quite depressed and is desperate to get back home with her family. She was really eager to listen to her foster mum while she was talking about what they did while on holiday.

Unfortunately Clarissa has also found the time to have fun. She's a very good impersonator of Keri and has managed to acquire some weed from another patient. Keri realised this when she found money missing from her purse and weed in her room! Keri isn't really a drugs kind of person but she's currently not in the state of mind to realise that. Keri, herself and partly Clarissa, decided to have a joint before bed in the evening combined with her cocktail of night medication. She's trying to self-medicate so she doesn't feel so horrible. At first she got even more paranoid but she did feel physically more relaxed. She slept through the whole night! That's a first. Maybe that's the silver lining for what Clarissa did!

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 10

Written by Fox.

DAY 10 - 17th August, Saturday

Weekends always seem so depressing to Keri when she's on the ward. Even though the atmosphere is pretty laid back her desperation to leave and thinking nothing is wrong with her makes her situation almost unbearable. She's been watching so many patients going in and out that she's just burst into tears. 

On an adult acute ward you'd think that most of the patients are sectioned. It may come as a surprise but we've found that's not how it works. The majority of patients here are voluntary and only several are sectioned. Some did originally come in on a section but then agreed to stay voluntarily.

Keri has been okay for most of the day besides the usual pacing and clawing at her head. At around 8pm she'd had enough and tried digging it out with broken bits of pen again. Big S (one of the nurses) gave her some Lorazepam and she seems to have calmed down a bit more now. It wasn't just him giving her medication, he also had a chat with her, even though she didn't understand most of what he was saying.

Big S was trying to explain about why Keri was so confused about why people thought so differently to her. He said something along the lines of, "Well, think about bipolar. You don't have bipolar but we'll use that as the example. If they're having a manic episode it's obvious to everyone around them that they're ill but the person experiencing the mania themselves feels they're fine and on top of the world. But with psychosis it's the same thing. Your reality is being perceived differently to how we see it which is why we can't understand your thoughts as rational which is why people are so worried."

It was something along those lines but Keri tuned out after Big S used the word psychosis. She doesn't want to be labelled as psychotic (although she technically has already been classed as a paranoid psychotic) as she knows that would mean she's unwell. There's no doubt in her mind about her being well and normal, she's still in complete denial and the thought of getting out this bug is growing stronger and stronger. I'm very worried about what she will do to herself if she's given unescorted leave or discharge (which at the moment is very unlikely as the nurses and doctors know the harm she will do to herself because of her psychotic thinking).

I can say though that the nurses haven't tried arguing directly with her delusions or paranoia today which is probably why she's a bit calmer. I doubt anything will change until this bug is gone from her head. Her psychotherapist said it would disappear on it's own and Keri will look back and realise that she was in the midst of psychosis. Keri doesn't believe that it'll go on it's own which is why she's trying to get it out several times a day!

Her little brother is visiting the ward tomorrow. Me and him arranged it but Keri knows he's coming. She also got a lovely letter from him yesterday which she almost burst into tears over. She just stared at it for ages, her mind swirling round in a black mist. Here's what he said and the photo he attached with it (I'm sure he won't mind me sharing it, if you do mind then let me know! I know you read the blog so you'll see this!).

Lovely isn't it?!

She still thinks he's a demon but even so, she can't get rid of the protective feelings she has for him. Hopefully once this episode of psychosis has been treated her delusion about him being a demon may slowly disappear too!

I know the blog has been written slightly early today. Keri hasn't even had her evening medication yet! But because of the Lorazepam she does get quite dopey. It hasn't been long since she had it so add the Mirtazapine, Quetiapine, Zopiclone and Diazepam on top of that! She's a goner for the night, I'm hoping!