Sectioned in Hospital - 2 years 30 days

Written by Fox.

What a start to September. Another month gone. Time is disappearing quickly!

Keri went to her first PTSD group on Thursday which went quite well in Keri's opinion. It was a bit slow in my opinion; talking about rules and introductions and the content of the group. I think Keri was just glad to know there were other people there which I think is also a good thing. It makes her feel less alone. Everyone needs support sometimes.

Keri got struck down with a fluey head cold this week. She spent all day in bed on Friday because she was aching so much. It's rare to see her in bed for 36 hours. On the positive side, the staff waited on her hand and foot; getting her drinks, bringing up her medication... She's still feeling a bit rough but a lot better than she was.

I feel quite optimistic about things at the moment. We've managed to keep hold of Sally and stop her wreaking havoc amongst the other patients. Speaking of which, a new one arrived on Thursday. I haven't formed an opinion yet. She hasn't caused any incidents yet. About incidents, Keri self harmed on Thursday! The first time in months! Luckily it wasn't classed as an 'incident' but Keri was gutted that she'd broken her stride. Hopefully she can get back on track again so she doesn't feel so badly about it.

Things are looking pretty good. There's always going to be blips but as long as we all keep trying to work together than the blips won't turn into relapses.

Managing Triggers

(C) GOT PARTS? BY ATW

Triggers are something that remind you of, or bring you back to, an emotional or psychic place of remembering something about the traumatic event(s) in your past.

Triggers vary greatly from person to person, and from alter to alter. A person (or part) may or may not be aware of what their triggers are, or why they are triggers. Triggers are specific to that person's/alter's experience. Something which is very triggering to one person or alter may not be a trigger to anyone else, perhaps not even to anyone else in one's own system. Triggers usually involve one or more of the five senses: sight, sound, taste, touch or smell.

One basic way to begin learning to manage triggers is to have each part make a list of what their triggers are, understanding this list may grow longer as the therapeutic process progresses. This is not because you're 'getting worse', but is because your bank of self-knowledge and self-awareness is growing. This is a good thing, because the more you know, the less chance you have of being blindsided by something on the future.

Each alter can share their list with others inside, and as co-consciousness and the level of trust between parts increases, you all can find ways of helping each other when one or more parts get triggered.

It will be important to share your lists of triggers with your therapist, who will have additional ideas on how to work to get them to a manageable level. However, please remember there is no magic answer, no quick fix to any of this. It comes down to doing hard and challenging work, seeing what works for others, and sometimes, plain old trial and error.

We are not isolated in the effects our triggers have. People around us, and those we are in some type of relationship with are also affected when we are triggered, or when we learn to deal with our triggers.

One system had this to say about triggers...

"People have different triggers. It would be helpful to discuss these things. Allow yourself some room to avoid certain triggers while working on becoming comfortable with a physical environment that has been involved in previous hurts. It's very possible to overcome these triggers with work and support. Believe in yourself!"

While some triggers may never totally go away, over time you can figure out what works, and so to get to a place where the effects of triggers don't have to be as devastating or disabling.

Sectioned in Hospital - 2 years 20 days

Written by Fox.

Keri's been pretty out of it today. She's spent most of her time hidden in her bedroom and only spent a few hours downstairs (and even then she sat in the kitchen away from everyone). I've had to completely take control in regards to her eating. She did perk up a bit after her brother rang which I was hoping for. Just goes to show how important family is to Keri. 

One of the psychologists came to see Keri today. She's being offered a place in a new group that starts next week. It's about dealing with trauma and PTSD. There's only several patients going out of all four wards. A nice quiet group by the sounds of it. I hope the rest of us are welcome as well. A lot of us need help with trauma stuff but I don't know whether we will get any support if we come out in the group. It's ten weeks long so that's not much time for Keri to learn skills let alone the rest of us!

Sectioned in Hospital - 2 years 19 days

Written by Fox.

Keri saw her psychologist and she had a good chat. Keri has a significant day coming up that is related to something bad happening a while back and it's getting her down. Her psychologist suggested that because she currently has poor coping skills she should rely on medication to let her sleep for the day, or 'have a day off' so to speak. I think this is probably best until Keri has some better coping mechanisms. At the moment she resorts to self harm, absconding (although this place is almost impossible to run away from), ligaturing or dissociating. Besides dissociating (although I may be a bit biased!) all of these are pretty unhealthy and we all want Keri to be safe. Her psychologist has actually read some of my blogs which I'm quite chuffed about. Besides that, Keri has been napping and watching Dr. Who. What a life. I don't blame her for wanting to be out learning to drive and working her socks off for minimum wage!

Sectioned in Hospital - 2 years 18 days

Written by Fox.

Today has been pretty good for Keri, and for the rest of us actually. We went on home leave today and it definitely did Keri good going to visit her foster family. She chatted, drank coffee, meandered around the garden, watched athletics, caught up with her family... It was all good! The only drawback was that Keri kept dissociating again. Luckily the member of staff that took her realised this and offered Keri to go out for a quick walk to clear her head. They went out together and Keri had a good cry and got everything off her chest. She didn't dissociate for the rest of her visit. To Keri's delight, the driver got stuck in London so she managed to stay for an extra two hours! The sun even came out near the middle of the visit. It's a good omen. I hope Keri continues to make good progress as she's doing really well at the moment, especially with the support from her foster family, brother and certain members of staff from the hospital.

That's our day today. I haven't written much as everyone in our brain is tired! Not even a quick chat with people tonight! Straight to bed.

Sectioned in Hospital - 2 years 17 days

Clarissa is happy. Keri got her some false nails and she put them on yesterday although Keri isn't into that kind of thing. I'm not either but we all have to live in one body! The nails only cost seven pounds. One of the staff is a beautician so she did the nails back on the ward. I have to admit they look pretty. Even better for Clari is she gets to put on Keri's makeup for her with the agreement that it's not pink. A little cooperation goes a long way to making our life easier.

Keri has been out twice in the last couple of days. She went out with her brother yesterday and out for a bus assessment with O.T. (Occupational Therapy) today. She had a pretty good day yesterday with regards to her dissociation but it's all gone a bit messed up today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Penny, Chantelle and Emmy are still pretty dominant personalities right now. It's pressing down on Keri a lot now and her healthy streak is going a bit downhill. She's still drinking water and not smoking but her food intake is getting lower. I'm hoping it's just a blip.

Sectioned in Hospital - 2 years 2 weeks

Written by Fox.

Keri has actually had a good day today if you exclude her excessive dissociating (which she feels less embarrassed about it after talking to staff). She's baked cupcakes and even ate one without my help, she's played pool, she's been playing card games... She hasn't even used her bedroom access until about 7pm this evening so she hasn't isolated herself either. She's been drinking water all day again and I've got her to eat. You don't see her wandering around without a water bottle in her hand much nowadays, it's a little obsessive. She's currently watching Dr. Who in her room and pleasantly calm. She's getting a little irritated about how much she's having to rewind the episodes while she's dissociating but that's normal for us at the moment. One staff member has actually noticed when Keri's getting a bit out of it and has been really helpful today trying to keep her grounded. Overall a pretty good day!

Sectioned in Hospital - 2 years 13 days

Written by Fox.

It was a good chance for Keri to have a better mood today as her brother came down to see her in town. She went on leave and they spent some time in Costa and also browsed shops. Keri did some retail therapy. Unfortunately her switching started happening while we were in Costa. Good on Keri's brother though for noticing when it was happening. Maybe people who know what Keri is like notice after all. She looks a bit confused and goes quiet, thinks she's in the middle of a conversation when she isn't... We've found out now that Penny constantly wears glasses so on the ward they're constantly on and off Keri's face. Chantelle has eyes that dart everywhere as she's a bit paranoid. We don't know about Emmy yet. This alter stuff is a full time job right now! 

Keri's started being really healthy physically. She's actually started trying to look after herself amidst all the chaos. She's drinking water a lot, going to the gym five times a week, eating meals (with a lot of my help), showering every day and trying to get a decent night of sleep. She hasn't smoked since 1st August which is three weeks nicotine free! Cold turkey! That's her focus while everything else is haywire. That's her control. It's a good form of control too, not her usual 'I'm not going to eat for weeks' kind of control. She's even getting up early in the morning, no matter what time she goes to bed. Her symptoms of psychosis and disordered eating have dampened down. It's only the dissociative symptoms that she's currently struggling with. The problem is, if her dissociative symptoms calm down then something else normally crops up. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to that.

Sectioned in Hospital - 2 years 12 days

Written by Fox.

It's been a long time since I last wrote a blog post. It's not been long since I've been able to get back online again. I'm hoping I can get back into things. So do you guys want an update on what's been going on before I start writing about D.I.D again? I guess I should start with an update today and see how it goes. I'm a bit rusty at this writing thing. 

We are now in a secure hospital and have been for the last ten months. It's a lot different to our last hospital. Overall it's gotten a lot better in the last couple of months. During the first several months we had serious problems but we are making progress now (although right now we've hit a bit of a blip). We now have home leave every two weeks and Keri sees her brother every week as well. I'm glad Keri is seeing her brother so frequently as it does her good, so does seeing her foster parents every fortnight. Her brother travels a few hours on the train to even get to Wales to spend time with his sister. If you're reading this then I'm grateful that you do that for her!

Her switching between us is a bit problematic at the moment. There are several of us coming out and constantly changing. I can't even make heads or tails of it let alone Keri! She's spoken to her forensic psychologist about it and she's confused too. I'm only coming out with David to try to regain some control. Several of the alters are quite subtle in their switches so it's hard to tell the difference. I don't think Keri's foster parents are even able to tell the difference as she's switched a couple of times when she's gone to visit them. It's frustrating Keri as no one is able to tell her what's going on. I'm normally her first point of contact, along with David, but we only know the names of the alters. We don't know them very well at all. They're called Penny, Chantelle and Emmy. We don't even know the day or time anymore! If anyone knows how to deal with this then please get in touch as Keri hasn't had switching and amnesia this bad since she was quite young.

I hope you're all well. Me and Keri are back online to answer messages and to date the D.I.D page now. Unfortunately no one can do any videos as cameras aren't allowed into the hospital.