Blog Pending

Written by Fox.

Just to let you all know we're out of secure! Unfortunately things have gone downhill. We went from secure, to open rehab, to psychiatric intensive care, to acute, all in the space of 4 months. I'll be writing a blog post tomorrow.

Merry belated Christmas everybody!

Sectioned in Hospital - 2 years 10 months 6 days

Written by Fox.

What can I say? Most things are getting pretty positive right now! 

We had our CPA last Tuesday and it went well. We just have to wait for a bed now so we can go back to the rehab unit back in Bristol. I'm hoping it'll give me more of a chance to see our foster parents too. As Keri only goes once a fortnight we try not to hog the spotlight and leave them to it. I think of all the time we've gone home I've only seen them twice. Maybe three times. It'll be nice to see them again. But anyway, the problem is we don't know how long it's going to take for us to get a bed. It could be a couple of weeks, it could be a couple of months. Everyone agreed that this environment is now doing more harm than good. We have no time frame. All we know is that we're currently second on the waiting list. We're trying to stay positive even though at times it's been difficult.

We are continuing our CAT and MBT with our therapist. Keri saw her today actually. We were all a bit peeved with her as she said in the CPA that we are all 'parts of Keri'. It almost made it sound like we weren't even real. That really hacked us off. We were open with the therapist about it today and she clarified that that isn't what she meant and apologised for making us all upset. We discussed it in one of our daily meetings. I'm glad she's one of the people in the world that actually listens rather than talks down at you. She takes our opinion as a whole and doesn't single us out if we've done something wrong. I like her. It'll be a shame when we leave as we've all grown to trust her now.

The only thing that's really gone downhill is Keri's fluid intake. Food is, overall, better than it has been in a long time and that's pretty much down to a lot of encouragement from staff and, sometimes, it means the rest of us coming out from time to time and actually eating for her. Her weight is now stable as she's trying her hardest to stop making herself sick after meals or, well, food in general. She has a care plan in place e.g. handing in her toilet key for an hour, not being allowed to her room as it has a sink in it etc. She's really struggling but credit to her, she's doing really well with that which means she's currently a stable and healthy weight. Over the last several days her fluid intake has been minimal which has resulted in her blood pressure dropping too low over the last few days. Due to this she isn't allowed her unescorted leave. This isn't a punishment, it's just that if any of us start feeling weak and dizzy and we aren't with staff than we're a bit screwed really. Despite this she still managed to get out today in group leave as staff were going to be there. 

She hasn't presented too well over the last few days, seriously low in mood, switching all over the place. Our therapist said this was to be expected. Hopefully, with our usual hard work, we can get back into the swing of things in the next few days. I'm remaining positive. I know how strong we all are. I know what we've fought through. We've done it this long, why shouldn't we be able to do it now?

Attitude Adjustment

Written by Fox.

We have had a good few months. We got assessed by the manager of Alder Unit along with the psychiatrist. I, personally, have not met the psychiatrist, though I knew the manager, but Keri knew both of them. Overall it was good, and Keri was very honest. We all agreed beforehand that things should be honest and open, even if it's something bad, otherwise we won't get the help and support we genuinely need. The manager said he was willing to give Keri a chance and decided he was going to come to Keri's CPA on Tuesday to decide what's going to happen. Everyone is expecting the transition stage of moving to happen very soon, like decided at the CPA. That's what everyone involved is expecting anyway. Reading Keri's reports, there doesn't seem to be much going on in the way of incidents. In fact, most of the incident forms that have been filled out involve me and not Keri! Everyone agrees that Keri staying here, along with us, is now doing more harm than good and is detrimental to our mental health. 

We no longer need this kind of security because, be amazed, we've gotten somewhere with Sally! Oh yes, what we used to class as the destructive demon teenager is now no longer so destructive. Therapy has finally helped us. For those that don't know, Keri has been working with her psychologist using a cognitive analytic model and a structural dissociation model, whatever the hell that means. Anyway, because of all Keri's hard work with her psychologist Sally is now willing to listen to what we have to say. Our attitude towards her has changed, we don't hate her because of what she does anymore, so her attitude towards us has changed too. Don't get me wrong, we are still having problems as she's never been able to build trust with anyone because as soon as someone meets her they get pushed away because she's so angry and violent. The only people that stuck by us is Keri's foster parents. Even Keri's mum is starting to understand a bit more than she used to. Keri will never leave Liz and Phil as she's adopted them as parents, much like I have, but her relationship with her biological mum has improved loads after they had a no contact agreement for six months. This is even after Sally went and tried to kill her. 

Our psychologist has stuck by us through thick and thin, no matter what's been thrown at her. Keri trusts her, I trust her, many of the others trust her. It's going to be hard changing psychologists when we all move but the one thing that needs to stay consistent is that Sally is listened to and respected. If that's the case then she has less reason to act out. She's not perfect, none of us are, but it'll be an even bigger breakthrough when Sally meets someone she trusts. That'll take a long long time but I'm feeling optimistic! Wish us luck for our meeting on Tuesday!

Medication and D.I.D.

Medication can be both helpful and unhelpful when it comes to the treatment of D.I.D. There is no such thing as a magic cure and there currently is no form of psychiatric medication that stops switching completely. Medication is normally used in conjunction with therapy (whether that be EMDR, MBT, CBT, DBT, CAT etc). While medication cannot really help stop switching it can be used to treat co-occurring mental health problems that go alongside DID. It is rare for someone with DID to not have another disorder alongside it. Some disorders that can occur can include - but not limited to - borderline personality disorder, psychotic disorder, depression, bipolar, eating disorders and PTSD. 

I asked some people that have DID to tell me what medication they take and whether it helps. Many of them felt the medication helpful in treating symptoms that were caused by another disorder, such as depression or psychosis. However, a few people thought that medication could do more harm than good. It is hard for someone with DID to be put on medication when their switching has become out of control and frequent as many alters may have differing views on medication which could mean some alters stash medication, fail to take them completely or alter the dosage they are supposed to have.

Here is a very short list of the medication a dozen people I asked are on. These are just a few examples of the kind of medication someone with DID can take (and the reason why) if they have symptoms that are affecting their day to day life (not including the rapid switching of alters);

Psychosis - Amisulpride, Olanzapine, Quetiapine, Clopixol, Risperidone, Geodon

Depression - Mirtazapine, Sertraline, Venlafaxine, Florouxetine, Wellbutrin, Effexor

Mania - Lamictal

Anxiety - Diazepam, Lorazepam, Promethazine, Ativan, Visteril

Taking medication is assessed on an individual basis. What works for one person may not work for another and you may have to try many if you are thinking of going down that road. Some people are quite content about being on no medication and that opinion is also perfectly valid. I, personally, have gone through over a dozen different combinations of tablets before settling on the medication I am on now that seems to be working. I'm one person with DID that needs medication to function day to day.

Always consult a psychiatrist before taking any psychiatric medication, altering your dose, or weaning off any of your medication.

Sectioned in Hospital - 2 years 7 months

Written by Fox.

A lot has happened since September and most of it is good! Keri now has unescorted leave (despite it being repeatedly taken away and given back after a period of time). We have also had a tribunal and a discharge plan which I'll talk more about in a minute. The dissociating has been all over the place. I haven't been well lately as me, along with some of the other alters, have been helping sort out Sally so that she doesn't carry on being a homicidal psycho. I've been self harming. Even though I've been encouraging Keri not to! I've found that if I'm writing blog posts or diary entries (separate to Keri's stuff) then things aren't so bad and I can distract myself from my head when it's spinning around.

We had a tribunal at the beginning of December. There was three members of the panel, our solicitor, Keri's brother, a nurse from the ward and the psychiatrist (which Keri gets along well with now, whereas in the beginning she wouldn't even look him in the eye!). They had a chat to begin with before Keri, Jamie and the nurse went in. There was no need for anyone to get nervous really as they'd already made their decision by the time we walked into the conference room! Keri wanted to move on to a locked rehab unit rather than wait until her CPA in March for things to start moving. The panel consisted of a solicitor, a psychiatrist and a social worker. They all agreed Keri was ready to move and that things should start rolling now rather than waiting until March. It was the outcome that everybody was looking for. Afterwards, to celebrate, Keri went out on her unescorted leave with Jamie.

Despite it being a good outcome, things seemed to deteriorate quite quickly with regards to us coming out and the self harm that was happening at those times. Keri had quite a chat with her psychiatrist and her therapist (a new one she started seeing in September as the other went on maternity leave). She gets along well with her therapist and after all the conversations, it was decided that if Keri stayed until June and carried on therapy to try and understand the switching of us coming out then the psychiatrist would look at the open rehab at our last hospital, rather than spending a year in locked rehab before moving to open anyway. We had a meeting with Pathfinders (an agency in our last area who get involved when it's time for someone to move on somewhere else) and it was more officially decided. 

During Keri's CPA in March it was pretty much set in stone that we're all going to be moving back to the open rehab we had been in a couple of years ago at the previous hospital we were in. We weren't ready for it then with Sally being completely out of control but things seem to have calmed down a bit now on that front. As long as Keri continues therapy with her therapist then we can all go! In a couple of weeks we're being assessed again to go back to Alder Unit (the open rehab ward in our last hospital). It's quite reassuring for Keri as she knows both the psychiatrist and the ward manager who are coming. I'll be writing another blog post soon after we're assessed.

How is therapy going? Pretty good. Right now Keri is working with her therapist about understanding why we come out and why we do what we do. At first we were all dead set against Keri talking about this as we thought she wanted to get rid of us. Keri's therapist has been very reassuring though and has told us that it isn't the case we're being gotten rid of. That's not going to happen. They're just discussing why it happens. Some of the alters are still against Keri talking about us but there are several of us who understand it's not to be nasty or anything. It's just to try helping limit the negative behaviours when some of them come out, like with Sally and her homicidal thoughts. As long as none of my friends are threatened I don't mind Keri talking about us.