DAY 31 - 7th September, Saturday
I will not be surprised if Keri is put on level 3 observation (will explain in next paragraph) later tonight, she's seriously not well even though on the outside it may look like it. She's so depressed and suicidal. She's burned herself again but has moved on to the other arm now as her left one is bandaged from wrist to elbow! Did the nurses or doctor do anything about her self harm last night besides just dressing the injuries? I don't think so! They seem to think that the solution is that if she wants to self harm she goes to the nurses and they give her some Lorazepam. What kind of solution is that? What's she supposed to do when she gets discharged and has become reliant on Lorazepam and her foster parents don't have a supply? I don't understand the logic of it. The rule seems to be "if a patient is causing problems, give them medication so they don't have the brain function to do anything"!
For those that don't know, there's 3 levels of observation on the ward. Level 1 observation is hourly checks, this happens for every patient even when they're better and due to be discharged. Level 2 observation is checks every 10 minutes which usually happens if someone is distressed or needs more careful watching like if they're likely to hurt themselves or other people without a build up beforehand. Level 3 observation is the top observation and is basically 1 to 1. A nurse has to stay within a certain distance and keep the patient within eyesight at ALL times, complete disregard for any shred of personal dignity or privacy. This is only used if the patient is an immediate and high risk danger to themselves or others. 99.9% of the time it's due to danger to themselves. They stay on this until the risk decreases, then they work their way back down to level 1. It's commonly known here as 'suicide watch'.
Clarissa has been begging for chocolate again today so I guess that's a small blessing that Keri actually got some food in her, an outstanding amount of calories! Obviously she isn't happy about this but at the moment it's the only way Clarissa can get some satisfaction. She can't sneak out in the middle of the night and have sex with the first guy she sees! Although she has been making advances on one of the patients which is a little concerning. He actually seemed to like it so I doubt the staff know, or even give a damn to be honest.
When Keri went with staff to the supermarket to get Clarissa her chocolate Keri became very fixated on the bug again. She asked the staff if there was a DIY bit there, not stating the fact she was looking to see what price a drill would cost. There was no DIY bit thankfully. Unfortunately this means the next time she goes missing (well, Sally to begin with probably) she'll get straight on the bus and make her way to B&Q. The bus outside the hospital goes right past one! Quite close to where she lives too!
So she's had all her medication, is now fully bandaged and hopefully she'll sleep. Even I'm starting to get a little annoyed with being in this place. I want Keri safe and everything but I'm starting to know what Keri means by feeling like a caged animal. She's got no visitors this weekend and I am just sat in hope thinking she won't do anything tonight. I got out her foster mum's teddy and Keri's bracelet and put it on her bedside table like I said I would so she could see it this morning. She saw it, took one look at it, told me to stop interfering and put the teddy and bracelet back hidden behind her DVDs in her wardrobe. This is not a good sign. The minute she starts not caring about anyone and her feelings for even her foster parents start slipping then that's usually a sign to duck and cover!
One thing is for sure, at least she's still sectioned. I'd rather she burn herself rather than kill herself.
Ironically, Lucinda made something for Keri. The same patient who got Keri so messed up a couple of days ago. Lucinda is having a hypomanic episode which Keri is finding annoying. Lucinda talks and talks and you can't get a word in edge ways! So Keri is just listening and not paying much attention, then walking off after smoking while Lucinda is still in midflow. At first Keri felt uncomfortable doing this as she doesn't like upsetting people but now she doesn't particularly care about her feelings at the moment anyway! But here's a picture of what Lucinda made her. Cute but Keri just wants to chuck it at a wall, which will probably happen soon!
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