Sectioned in Hospital - Day 93 & 94

Written by Fox.

DAY 93 - 8th November, Friday

Keri forced herself to get up at 2.30pm as she had an appointment with her psychotherapist at 3pm. The first thing she checked as she woke up was the public site that lists court listings and gives live feeds as to what's happening. When she looked at it it said that the jury had retired to make their verdict over an hour earlier. She started panicking.

Most of her psychotherapy appointment involved talking about court. While her psychotherapist was there, another court update appeared on her phone saying that court had resumed but it didn't specify a verdict. Her psychotherapist promised to come back after she'd finished with another appointment just after 6pm to check in on her about the verdict if she'd found out.

The police liaison officer in charge of the case phoned the staff and she was visiting that evening, around 8pm. All the staff, and even her psychotherapist, knew the verdict. Keri didn't want anyone to tell her until the officer turned up as she knew the ins and outs of what happened during court. When she turned up she sat in Keri's room with a nurse and gave Keri the bad news, her dad was being let off and was found not guilty. Keri couldn't stop crying after the police officer left and spent most of the evening trying to climb the fence in the HDU garden. Eventually she was given some medication and the garden was locked up. Because of all the energy that it had taken to be constantly crying and fighting to get over the fence she was exhausted and fell asleep at her desk before waking up at 5am. After a cigarette she decided to close off the world and huddle in bed. I really don't blame her. She's so gutted that her hard work has been ruined that she thinks she's got nothing left to lose. Her mental health is really badly damaged.

DAY 94 - 9th November, Saturday

Today has been the worst day Keri has had so far in hospital. She got up at nearly 3pm and the first thing she did was put on her coat, refuse medication, grab her bag and try the door out to the HDU garden to get over the fence before anyone realised she was awake. Unfortunately, the door was locked.

After about fifteen minutes she ended up cutting her arm five times, with Sally providing her with a razor blade. Blondie patched Keri up and kept Keri on ten minute observation. Barely half an hour after she'd been patched up she went to the desk saying she wanted some leave, and she only has escorted leave written up.

"Can you look me in the eye and promise that you'll come back with me?" Blondie said. "Look me in the eye and tell me."

"Look this is stupid," Keri shouted, losing her temper. "Why is it that a guilty paedophile is allowed to roam the streets yet I'm confined within the fences of a fucking psych ward?! You know what, fuck this."

Before any of the nurses could reply, Keri stormed out into the communal garden. Another male patient was out there.

"Oi," she said to him. "Can you do me a favour and help me move this bench?"

He had no hesitation and went to help Keri move the bench to the fence. Unfortunately the staff knew Keri was distressed and Nic and Blondie were out before the other patient even got his hands on the bench to help Keri.

"That's not helpful," Blondie said to the other patient.

Keri was kept on one to one observation for at least an hour while she was out in the garden before finally agreeing to go in. She went straight to her room. Twenty minutes later and Nic and Blondie came into her room.

"Keri, we need your room to be a safe place," Blondie said. "At the moment I'm stuck in a position. We will either have to remove everything out of your room including any wires or sharp objects. Or we'd have to lock you out of your room. Or we'll end up having to put you on one to one observation which means a member of staff sat at your door constantly. I'm feeling reluctant to do any of these at the moment. Are you willing to take any of your medication yet?"

With a final shaking of the head from Keri, Blondie got up and left, making sure to remind Keri she was being checked regularly (every ten minutes).

Under two hours later and Keri had cut her arm again, except this time it was to the extent there was no choice but to take her to the hospital to get stitches. As Blondie was examining the wound and trying to stop it bleeding she gave Keri a pot of medication and it was a matter of 'you'll take this medication without argument'.

One of the staff took her up by taxi after Keri promised Blondie she'd come back to the unit with staff afterwards. Keri went to South Bristol Community Hospital so all the staff there know Keri and if the nurses from Callington phone, their patients get priority. Keri was only just able to be seen as they didn't get to the hospital until 8pm due to the taxi wait. Several members of staff stuck their heads in while Keri was being stitched to say hello as they hadn't seen her for a while. Apparently Keri's psychiatrist went to visit them and tell them what a great job they'd been doing with Keri and wanted to use Keri's extensive notes to see how the nurses dealt with self harm and people with mental illnesses. They passed with flying colours! And were also pleased that the psych had thanked them for looking after Keri so well.

Keri returned to the unit but has spent most of her time in her room. The staff are being really sympathetic and caring. No judgemental comments at all. She's still on ten minute observation because she's had a lot of medication so she's pretty out of it. If she wakes up tomorrow and refuses her medication again then she'll end up needing more stitches and one to one observation.

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 92

Written by Fox.

DAY 92 - 7th November, Thursday

Keri is so drained! She refused to get out of bed until gone 3pm because she's so depressed and tired. It's making her keep herself isolated. She even missed out on seeing her psychotherapist (who wanted to see Keri today before their appointment tomorrow to check in) because she refused to get out of bed. 

She asked for unescorted leave a couple of hours after getting up but was refused it. She was even preparing herself for an argument with Dr. Dickhead but found out he was on leave. Her psychiatrist she normally sees can't make any decisions without his say so. Instead she settled with having to go to Tesco with Blondie. All she wanted to get was food, except it all ended up down the toilet. Keri's anxiety has been so bad she hasn't been able to keep any food down and has spent a lot of time having to stay close to a bathroom.

She's becoming even more suicidal, if that's even possible, and has been considering just doing it in the hospital rather than waiting to get to the suspension bridge. You can still see from her face how emotionally drained she is and how much everything is effecting her. She's thinking way too much. All she's doing now is waiting and it's killing her. Just... waiting. There's nothing else for her to do. Now she's thinking about what will happen if the jury can't make a decision and it ends up as a 'hung jury' which would mean yet another retrial. To me, I think her abuser will go to prison but that's just my opinion. Keri may not want her abuser in prison but she'll be absolutely gutted if there's a non-guilty verdict. She's very torn apart about it all. There's nothing I can do to fix that either which is even more annoying!

There's a good thing about today, Sally hasn't come out. Though Keri has had a massive dissociative headache all day which got to the point at one stage that she could hardly open her eyes. Yet another waiting game... when will Sally reveal herself again? Will it be a public display or in the privacy of Keri's bathroom? What will she do? What will the consequences be? Jeez, someone needs to calm Keri's head down!

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 91 (13 weeks)

Written by Fox.

DAY 91 (13 weeks) - 6th November, Wednesday

Keri set her alarm for 6.30am and also asked the night staff if they could give her a wake up call as well. They're idea of a wake up call is a quick knock on the door. Keri heard it but hit her snooze buttom when her alarm went off and rolled over to go back to sleep! She kept hitting snooze until about 7am when she finally needed to get out of bed as she was being picked up at 7.30am.

After two iced coffees and nearly half a pack of cigarettes, her personal advisor and Liz turned up to get her in the car to take her to court. Keri was bricking it! There was no real problem getting Keri in the car and she spent the journey with her headphones on, music as loud as it would go, and slipped into a dissociative state until they finally arrived at the court just before 10am.

Keri panicked right away after getting out of the car because she still has her paranoid hallucinations and was terrified of the five guys that had followed her from the hospital to court. Her foster mum reassured Keri that she was safe and that no one could get into the building and to the room they would be in without security or a key card. This didn't reassure Keri very much but she trusts her foster mum so tried to trust her judgement.

Keri was shown the video link room, a different one from the last time she was there. She also met the judge, her barrister and the defendent's Queens Council who's 6 foot 8 inches! He was like a giant! Keri was a little intimidated by him. He didn't look as empathetic as the defendent's other barrister. Abz had made her own way to court and the judge had given permission for her to be in the room with Keri while she gave evidence just in case something happened (considering she's still sectioned), while her foster mum and PA had to wait in a room next door. So Keri and her intermediary sat in the video link room while Abz and one of the witness care team sat just outside.

Keri found the QC's questioning a lot harder going than she had during her last cross examination with the other barrister in the same court case back in May. Even so, she didn't dissociate (only short periods of spacing out) and was allowed several breaks. The day was again booked out purely for her to give evidence again so that she didn't have to come back and so that she wasn't rushed through, the judge was the same as last time and was very sensitive towards Keri's complex needs.

Last time when Keri had finally made it through the cross examination she walked in to her outreach worker and foster mum who had been sat in the witness room next door with a big smile on her face. This time she was tense, anxious, and felt Sally brewing. Before they left Abz gave Keri some Lorazepam (the nurses had put together Keri's medication in a bag along with her emergency Lorazepam). After that, Abz, Keri, her foster mum and her PA strolled back to Abz's car, with Keri getting plenty of praise from everyone about how well she'd done. She didn't feel like she'd done well at all.

They got to the car and Keri immediately sparked up a cigarette, unfortunately Sally was trying to get out and her foster mum saw the warning signs straight away and knew what was going to happen. Sally suddenly burst out and tried getting away from the car except Keri's foster mum, Abz and her PA had all been ready and just restrained her. Abz really did not help the situation as she kept calling Sally 'Keri', as she's reminded us most of the evening! Sally's main goal was to get to Keri's dad and throttle him with her bare hands but when she finally realised there was no way anyone was going to let go of her she decided to wait. She wasn't going anywhere while she was being restrained and she knew they weren't going to let her kill anyone, even if it was Keri's dad. 

Keri came back and suddenly collapsed, but Liz and Abz caught her as they'd still been holding on from while Sally was out. Remember yesterday when I wrote Keri couldn't get herself to cry? It finally came out. She just burst into tears; a mixture of relief that it was over, guilt that her dad might end up in prison, and anger that Sally was trying to mess things up. Abz and Liz got into the car with Keri and once again she put on her headphones and slipped into a dissociative state again. Getting her back on the ward was easy enough and she's just medicated to the eyeballs again.

Blondie knows Keri's DID very well, having met several of Keri's alters. She kept Keri out of the HDU. She ended up playing five games of pool, two with one of the patients she gets along well with, Denny. Then a further three games of pool with Blondie, then played table tennis for a while before Keri went out and smoked. The point of all this was that Blondie wanted to keep Keri in the communal areas to help prevent her dissociating if possible.

Everyone is completely exhausted. Sally seems to be the only one who's gotten over her downfall and is getting wired up for her next "trick". Unfortunately Keri's been puking for the last couple of hours this evening. She can barely get herself up off her bathroom floor half the time so I think when she finally goes to bed then she's going into a coma! With so much medication and the mental and emotional exhaustion, and the puking, she's totally drained. Just one look at her face and you can see just how drained and unwell she is. Let's just hope court finishes okay and there's nothing that could go wrong. I couldn't handle Keri's reaction if something else went pearshaped.

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 90

Written by Fox.

DAY 90 - 5th November, Tuesday

Keri didn't get up until around midday, and the only reason she dragged herself from her cocoon is because she knew that around 2pm her intermediary and an independent police officer were going to turn up with her video evidence so she could view it. The court case started today so she had to watch her evidence at the same time the court was watching it, although she wasn't watching it at court, she was going to be watching it in a private room in the hospital.

When they arrived, Abz also came along to sit and watch Keri's evidence with her so the four of them sat and watched it. It took ages to sort out playing it and ended up having to use Keri's laptop. It was clear that Keri's attention was completely elsewhere as the police officer commented that all she'd seen of Keri was that her eyes were just darting all over the place besides the rare moments when they were focused on her laptop screen. It was also clear that Keri wasn't very well and was in quite a dissociative state. Every time someone said something to her or had to speak to her, they'd have to say it at least twice before they managed to get Keri's attention, and even then she'd forget what they'd said a couple of minutes later.

Abz was finally able to take Keri back to the ward (they went to use a room in the outpatients unit) at about 5pm so she'd been there for 3 hours, obviously with smoking breaks whenever Keri got up and said, "I'm going to smoke." After that they just paused the DVD each time while Abz quickly followed her out into the hospital grounds while Keri smoked. It seemed to go on forever! 

Keri's psychotherapist turned up afterwards just to check in on how Keri was doing and she wasn't good. Her flashbacks were getting worse and worse and her headaches she gets when a big dissociative episode is going to happen was getting worse as well. Her psychotherapist wished Keri good luck and said that she'd be in on Thursday to check in on things before having their usual appointment on Friday. Keri's optimistic that the court case should go smoothly like last time with no Sally incidents but I already know that Sally's going to kick off, and if she doesn't successfully get what she wants after Keri gets cross examined then she'll be laying in wait until the day afterwards.

We have to be up at 6.30am! Good luck to the staff for getting us out of bed. Clari is normally pretty good at that, she got us up early on Keri's birthday through excitement! But this is different and she definitely won't want to come out and help Keri to get out of bed, especially with all the extra medication Keri's had to have this evening.

Her mood wasn't too bad until about 8pm when she was sat wanting to cry but just couldn't force herself to, even though she knew she'd feel better letting it all out. It has to eventually hasn't it? At some stage she's just going to burst and crying will be inevitable. Instead of crying she went into another state of catatonia, which her psychotherapist has now said is a form of being in a dissociative state. It's been described before as the body not having a pilot. All of us are inside the body but none of us want to come out and take control, which means the body is sat completely still in the position it was left in and non responsive to any stimuli until one of us decides to come out and use it, almost like a tool! She then spent a few hours being sick in her bathroom because of how much her anxiety was effecting her, bearing in mind this was after all the drugs had started to kick in!

Well, she's had a lot of medication and I'm definitely feeling drowsy myself so probably won't publish this until tomorrow as I need to let Keri sleep. Night guys. I'm really hoping everything goes well.

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 85 to Day 89

Written by Fox.

DAY 85 - 31st October, Thursday (KERI'S BIRTHDAY!!)

Well, Clari got us all to a flying start very early in the morning! This meant Keri was overtired and hyper so she spent the morning rushing around and keeping herself busy, hoping nothing last minute was going to crop up and ruin the leave that she was being granted to go home for a few hours.

Her foster mum came and picked Keri up at about 11.30am and was allowed up to 4 hours as long as she stayed with her foster parents. Keri absolutely loved being at home again, seeing her foster parents and just enjoying the environment. She totally forgot about her presents because she was so happy about the fact she was actually home for the first time in about two months! When she eventually got round to opening her presents she had a lovely painting by numbers and pair of leopard slippers from her foster sister and one of her foster brothers. Plus she got another painting by numbers, a book and a nice new set of pyjamas from her foster parents. Keri almost cried when she opened up her cards, especially the one from her foster parents which actually had the word "daughter" written on the front! She didn't cry at home but she did when she got back! They weren't sad tears though so that's good, right?

She even got to see her kid foster brother (another foster child who's 15) on the way back as they had to pick him up from his brother's. The foster agency had some stupid rule that said they gave permission for Keri to go home but her kid foster brother wasn't allowed in the house at the time. Ridiculous. But I guess it's safe considering how out of control Sally gets when she comes out nowadays. Keri had a good chat with him in the car as they were driving back to the hospital. He started asking about things like straitjackets! Keri couldn't help but laugh. She did enjoy the time she spent out but she was still paranoid and a little unfocused. Even so, it did her good to go home for a bit.

She got really depressed when she got back on the unit as she obviously doesn't want to be here! But she kept herself calm by tidying and sorting out her room and going through all her presents and sorting those out too. She was really grateful about all her presents and was thrilled with everything, especially a home visit! Although by the time it hit 7pm she was getting real annoyed with people saying happy birthday to her!

Keri had a chat with Blondie in the evening as Keri was a bit stressed. She'd been told that the liaison officer in charge of her court case is going to be visiting tomorrow, not something Keri is looking forward to. She's also been told that the officer is coming on Monday too so things are a little confused. Keri is supposed to be in court on Monday so the officer arranging a visit for that day makes no sense! Oh well, we'll find out tomorrow.

DAY 86 - 1st November, Friday

Well, not a great day. Keri was awoken by her personal advisor visiting who'd also bought her some presents, including a few small things for Clari and Jimmy! That was nice. The visit didn't go on for long though as the liaison officer arrived at 11.30am so Keri, her personal advisor, the liaison officer and Abz (one of the nurses) sat down and had a chat about what was going to happen at court. It wasn't good news some of it. The 'defendent' (can't currently be named for legal reasons) has now gone and hired a Queens Council along with his barrister. A QC is higher up than a barrister. The liaison officer's theory is that the defendent is scared of being put in prison because of how the jury reacted last time; they all 

looked at him like he was shit on a shoe. Keri isn't only going to be going with her PA and foster mum, but now Abz is going to be coming from the hospital to make sure Keri can be managed properly if she dissociates or becomes too anxious. She's also working that afternoon so can fill the rest of the staff in on what Keri is like at the time, mood and behaviour wise.

Unfortunately this evening Big S came in with a piece of paper in his hand and said that the judge in charge of the case was being delayed due to a case overrunning unexpectedly so court is going to be delayed for a day, it'll start on Tuesday instead of Monday. So Keri will be at the hospital viewing her video evidence on Tuesday afternoon and then taken to be cross examined at Crown Court on Wednesday. Going to be really tough.

DAY 87 - 2nd November, Saturday

Keri (in quick terms as I haven't been around much) = tried scaling the fence, too many flashbacks to count, extra medication needed, isolated herself and spent most time in the HDU, garden in HDU was opened tonight so Keri doesn't have to interact with anyone as she's suddenly taken a turn for the worse. I haven't been around this evening so have no idea what's suddenly set her off! :( I've been trying to look for David today so haven't been paying much attention to Keri. I know, I feel really guilty about it but I needed a break!

DAY 88 - 3rd November, Sunday

Keri had another isolated day. She's been so plagued with flashbacks that she's starting to mix together the past and the present, almost like she can't tell the difference. In the end she couldn't take much more and at about 8pm she went to ask for some extra medication, which in her case is usually Lorazepam. She asked three nurses and stood at that reception desk for over 20 minutes before she completely went off her nut.

"Have they sorted out my fucking PRN yet?" Keri shouted angrily at the nurse behind the desk, the only available member of staff.

"Have you asked anyone?" she said.

"Yes!" she shouted. "Three different fucking people! You know what, fuck it! Forget it!"

"Keri, I can get someone to get you something. But they're busy with another patient," the nurse shouted after Keri as she stormed through the corridor to smoke.

"I don't give a fuck!" Keri screeched.

She ended up storming round and round the garden in torrential rain. Strangely enough a member of staff turned up with her Lorazepam after a couple of minutes, but Keri was way past the point of talking to anyone. She was persuaded to take the tablet and then left alone, being told a nurse would see how she was in ten minutes. Three quarters of an hour later and Keri was still storming around the garden, completely soaked through to the bone; she was so cold it had gotten to the point she wasn't even shivering anymore. Did she feel calmer? No. Had the staff come to talk to her? No. So in the end, after nearly an hour, Keri went straight to her room and reached a state almost like catatonia. She sat completely still, eyes unfocused, unresponsive to anyone talking to her. At points she comes out of it but then after a few minutes or if she's out smoking, she'll get into a position and sit like that and stare straight ahead, not even recognising where she is or who's with her. 

DAY 89 - 4th November, Monday

Today has dragged on for all of us. It could have been a year for all we knew. Time is normal quite important but today it's been meaningless to Keri. She barely even checked her watch today even though she usually checks it religiously to make sure she hasn't dissociated without realising (which happens a lot). 

She saw a doctor today who has put her Diazepam dose back up to 21mg per day instead of 15mg. This was supposed to have been done on Friday but everyone just completely forgot. It's to help her with her anxiety and stuff during the court case but when she first starts it she's like a zombie, although she's been like that the last couple of days even without the extra medication! 

The day was completely destroyed when Keri went out for a cigarette this evening, nothing out of the ordinary, just the usual smoking routine. Except when Keri went out into the garden she found Bitch standing there being friendly to a few other patients. As soon as Keri and Bitch's eyes met it was an unsaid hate. Straight away she started with her snide comments and had a go at Keri over the fact she'd had to be moved to a different ward for the last five weeks because of the physical fight that happened between them that the staff had to deal with. Keri's not sure whether Bitch has learned her lesson as she was toeing the line less than five minutes of being together in the same room. One line that Bitch said that's stuck with Keri is, "I didn't even know she had it in her." This was referring to the fact that Bitch had no idea Keri would retaliate to what she was saying through physical aggression. The reason that line is stuck with Keri is because it's given her some kind of hope that Bitch learned her lesson the first time round. There's been no discussion around Keri's discharge being in the near future so Keri has no fear about her section or discharge being jeopardised if she punches Bitch in the face again. Hopefully it won't come to that, but Keri's strings are being pulled tighter with the overhanging gloom of the court case. I don't think it's going to go as smoothly as last time.

Keri also feels like a horrible human being because of last night. She kicked off because no one was sorting out her medication, only to realise after talking to the new guy today that he had a heart condition and had collapsed so the staff had to deal with that. This made Keri feel horrible about losing complete control of herself. She's been reassured by her foster brother, her mum and other people that she's not a bad human being for doing that. Still, she blames herself. She isn't a bad person. She didn't kick off on purpose. She didn't mean to cause a bit of chaos. She didn't mean to have flashbacks that were so intense she couldn't stand it, right at the time this guy collapsed in his room. How was she supposed to know what was going on? She'd isolated herself because of the stress. But no persuading her is going to make her think any differently. It's just her natural way of thinking, thinking it's her fault for everything that goes wrong.

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 81

Written by Fox.

DAY 81 - 27th October, Sunday

Oh god what a week. I'm sorry I haven't been posting or anything. Been really tired and busy. Keri's been doing her therapy, avoiding the dietician, avoiding physio (besides helping out the student by being a guinea pig for her exam).

She had a visit from her mum and her mum's partner, plus his daughter, yesterday. Nice big Nemo cuddly fish. Jimmy has fallen in love with it! He's determined to try making a Nemo out of his Lego but hasn't done it yet. They also gave Keri a couple of puzzles which she finished within a few hours! They took Amos out for a walk and Keri got covered in doggy kisses when it was time to say goodbye. It was a nice visit, and Keri's mum made a point of saying that she wanted to see Keri ALIVE one more time before court.

Explaining that last point, Keri tried killing herself again on Thursday and it was way too close for comfort! She managed to get out unescorted but was reported missing. She even sat up on the hill on a bench to make sure that there was no foot traffic wandering along the suspension bridge so that she wouldn't get caught. She had no hesitation but didn't take into account how fast the security guards up there could run! So she ended up getting into a fight with the police which meant she was taken into one of the guards' offices walking bent over with her arms twisted behind her back. In the end she was brought back to the unit in the cage of a police van. She didn't really talk much about it. The staff and her foster mum made her feel guilty because they care but all she could think of was how pissed off she was over how close she'd been. She's sure she's not going to make the same mistake twice.

Today she tried getting out on her own to get back up to the bridge. She thought she'd gotten away with it as it was a temp nurse signing her out and opening the door. Keri made it about ten brisk steps out of the door before one of the nurses shouted after her and said she was coming along as the charge nurse, Vex, realised Keri had just been signed out and didn't want to risk another repeat of Thursday, which is exactly what would've happened. She even tried getting over the fence in the HDU garden this evening but because it had been raining there was no grip for her trainers which meant she ended up having medication and sitting in her room. The staff locked the door to the garden so Keri now has to smoke outside in the communal garden.

What a week! Keri's also worried about her foster mum's mum as she's quite ill. Keri felt horrible when she was told about her as her foster mum phoned Keri on the evening Keri was taken back to the unit so she was casually talking about how pissed off she was because of her suicide being ruined and then her foster mum told Keri about her mum. No one knows the time scale about how much life she has left in her: could be a day, a week, a month, a year. She has a progressive illness so everyone's been told that all they can do is make sure she's as comfortable as possible. 

I know how horrible Keri feels and how determined she is to kill herself as even the guilt from everyone around her isn't effecting her as much as usual (hence the fact she tried scaling the fence today because she couldn't get out on her own unescorted...). I don't know what to do with her anymore :(

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 71

Written by Fox.

DAY 71 - 17th October, Thursday

Keri didn't get up until this afternoon, which was partially down to the fact the staff came into her room at 9am and gave her her morning medication which included the higher dose of Quetiapine, which meant it knocked her out again. It means she's been spaced out for a lot of the day and has spent a lot of time on her own, using the HDU garden a lot again.

The dietician finally managed to ambush Keri today although she was very upset as the scales said she'd put on 0.3kgs. Logic completely went out of the window and she didn't take into account the fact she had her boots on, three layers of clothing and had drunk nearly a litre of water because she'd felt so dehydrated. The last time she was weighed it was just after she'd got out of bed and she was wearing a pair of leggings and a long top. Big difference! The dietician is rescheduling to visit in a week so Keri will be prepared for when she's next weighed. Keri said she was going to binge today but was going to water fast starting tomorrow until she's next weighed. The dietician tried to persuade Keri not to but Keri's dead set on it.

Keri had her psychotherapy straight after the dietician which clashed with her physiotherapy so they're coming to see her tomorrow instead. Keri and her psychotherapist sat down on a bench near the outpatients unit. Apparently she'd been in touch with Keri's court intermediary, talking about the risk assessment and Keri's capability of coping with the cross examination. Keri told her that she'd be fine in court but I know different. I know what Sally's planning and I know what Keri's head is like. I never swear but I have to: we're fucked.

Over two hours of this evening were spent with Keri on the phone to her mum! I know she wants to build bridges and everything but I really think the amount of contact Keri is having is a bit overboard. I'm not minding the fact that they're seeing each other once a fortnight but spending ages on the phone every evening is not good for Keri's well being. Maybe in the future when their relationship can be worked on more but not two and a half weeks before court. It stirs up a lot of emotions that Keri herself can't deal with. It means the rest of us have to try and take on the feelings instead which makes us feel crap! Not helping when I'm already feeling groggy from Keri's medication.

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 70 (10 weeks)

Written by Fox.

DAY 70 (10 weeks) - 16th October, Wednesday

A non productive day with Keri spending most of it keeping herself down in the HDU and smoking in the HDU garden so she didn't have to talk to anyone. You can tell she's going downhill, the staff have noticed. She's keeping her eyes on the floor, her hood up and not making eye contact with anyone. She's become even more paranoid than usual.

She did manage to do her physio, although she was close to fainting afterwards. Keri had another binge and vomit session this evening so that's making her even weaker. She's better off starving herself than getting into her binge/vomit cycle. She went to get the food while she was out on escorted leave. She has unescorted leave but because she was so paranoid she ended up going with the staff.

Keri's psychiatrist saw her this morning to discuss again about sharing Keri's medical notes and for her to be able to talk to the police about what state Keri's mental health is currently in. Keri said it was fine. She thought it would be better having things out in the open instead of someone complaining that she was hiding something. Her psychiatrist ambushed her yet again later in the evening and said she'd decided that it would be a good idea to put up her dose of antipsychotics. Again. And also to change to 'normal' tablets instead of modified release. On the bright side it means Keri is going to be a walking zombie for the next few days. So that's just a warning in case I can't get the blog posts done! 

Odd, I can't watch this anymore. Just gone midnight and Keri went outside to smoke. She was stood there talking to the guys that she thinks are following her. They had a four year old girl with her who was calling Keri "Mummy" and the guys were saying that if Keri didn't do as they said then the girl was going to get hurt. She got so upset over that! She spent half an hour crying in her room before then getting her sleeping tablets. Now she's refusing to even say a word to anyone. She can't seem to even understand what people are saying to her let alone give a proper reply. I don't want to say this but I don't think Keri's going to have the mental capacity to be a witness at her court case. :(