I've suddenly managed to get a newfound urge to get totally strict and serious about my weight again. I was slacking slightly. I wasn't eating as much as I should but I was allowed myself to eat more than I normally allow myself to have. I did put on weight, especially when I went out with my little brother last Monday. Mcdonalds... popcorn... it was obscene. I didn't even throw up! I'm now on the 37th day of not purging via vomiting. That's a massive achievement.
I've sunk into a depression that I can't get out of. I have been trying but the voices are worse and it stops me bothering to fight. It totally drains my energy. I've spent the majority of time in my room, only going downstairs to either make myself a hot milky beverage, take my medication or eat something. Yesterday I had less than 700 calories, that includes fluid. I was very happy with this. Somehow this depression has got me back into the realisation of how good it feels to hardly eat and how good it feels to lose weight. I'd forgotten. I'd been too wrapped up in trying to eat somewhat healthily. Now I've realised, fuck that!
I want to disappear.
No comments:
Post a Comment