Written by Fox.
I haven't written for a few days but that's a good thing as it means it's been quiet! For a day or so Keri became a little more responsive towards people. Last night she was even in bed before 2am and was up just after 9am! But the problem is she's been worse today than she has over the last couple of days. Part of me knew that her suddenly getting more responsive meant she'd go back downhill again.
The manager worked a late shift today so he's been very stubborn in trying to get Keri involved with things, like helping him take down some of the Christmas decorations and helping him download one of Ellie Goulding's songs onto his iPhone. He sat with her for a while to keep her downstairs. He said that he wanted her New Year resolution to be that she starts making eye contact with people. She won't look anyone in the eye. The only people she is likely to try looking in the eye every now and then are her foster parents. Her voice is still monotonous. She still hasn't laughed or smiled.
This evening has been very distressing for me. Keri's been thinking about one thing and one thing only; suicide. She's decided "fuck the suspension bridge" because by the time Sally gets her up there the police are already involved and the security guards working up there all know who she is as they've all had to pull her or Sally down from the fence at least once. The ward manager has put her as medium risk. Medium risk?! Keri might be pleased with that but I'm not! How is she medium risk?! If no passer by stops then her fast pace is going to outdo the security and she's going to be off there and finished. How do I know this? I'm in her head. I'm about the only one that knows the full truth and intention in her actions. So now she's decided 'train'. I can see her logic (although I obviously don't agree with it!). No police unless a train goes by and spots her (which is doubtful to happen) and she'll be hard to find. How can officers cover the whole area of Bristol railway lines? She's thinking of a lot of different areas but hasn't decided which one. All she does know is that she needs to order a taxi because the bus outside the hospital isn't running tomorrow. She doesn't care. She doesn't think she needs money. She's willing to give the driver £50 for a £20 journey as an example!
She totally conked out this evening though. I think it was because she was up so early. She only ended up waking up as she banged her head against her bedside table and fell out of bed and onto the floor from thrashing around from a nightmare. Even so, she was up a lot earlier than normal. I think it'll probably be the same tonight. The problem is, with Sally and Keri's energy combined it makes it almost impossible for any of the rest of us to come out and do anything! I was only able to come and write this post after promising to Sally I wouldn't leave Keri's room or do anything besides writing the post. Although I did do something extra, I text Keri's foster mum a happy new year from me, Keri, Clari and David. Sally doesn't need to know, plus I doubt Keri will text anyone happy new year anyway, she just sees tomorrow as another day in hospital. Nothing special. Well, less than two minutes and it will be midnight. Fireworks anyone?
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