Real Family

It's now the beginning of week two for my group therapy. Everyone's gelled quite well. It's nice to feel supported.

Two things struck chords with me today that I wanted to mention.

We were asked to share what supporting relationships we had. My main one was my foster carers. They're with me through thick and thin, even when I feel like I'm a burden to them, even at my worst when there's nothing they can do besides be there, feed me, and make sure I take my medication. I wouldn't be alive without them, especially during times where I have serious hallucination problems and go missing, placing myself in highly dangerous situations.

The second thing we were asked to share was one thing we felt we'd achieved. I went totally soppy and almost cried. I felt my best achievement was finding a family. A family that cared for me and supported me, who accept me for who I am, not for who they want me to be. To me, family isn't about genetics. Family is about feeling loved, supported, cared for, part of a loving group of people. My foster siblings treat me like a little sister. LG and PG, my foster parents, treat me like their own daughter. The other boy who's fostered feels like a kid brother to me.

My parents have failed me. One day, I hope the relationship with my mother will be good and healthy. For the time being, it's not and won't be for a while. I wish that when I get through this and when my illness is stable, I'll be able to build bridges with her and put things behind us. Genetics and biology don't automatically make you parents. My foster carers have earned the right for me to call them my 'parents'. Just as any other foster carers or carers that have adopted. Their families aren't based on genetics. It's built on love and support and kindness. To me, that's what family means. Genetics means nothing. You have to earn the right and prove that you can be a parent and that you can support and be there for your children no matter what the situation.

It'll be a long and hard road for me as I go through the court proceedings and as I go through the long-term psychiatric treatment. I don't think I'll ever be fully "cured". I don't need to be. All I need is to be able to get my life back on track and be "stable". A diagnosis isn't the be all and the end all. My foster family has given me the starting point to get back onto a path where I can lead a meaningful and fulfilling life; to get better and be healthy; to build up my relationship with my mother again and challenge things that have happened in the past.

It won't be easy. Nothing worthwhile ever is. What I do know, is that even though I'll need long-term treatment and medication, I will get through it. I'll get over this. I will get better. I'll be 'me' again. I hope I can do this, I'm willing to accept the support I have. This new group has given me some kind of optimism about the future. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I am walking along it. Maybe the time will come where I'll reach the end of it. For now, I'll keep going.