DAY 150 & 151 - 4th & 5th January, Saturday & Sunday
Keri got up around midday on Saturday. She'd had a really bad night and had needed extra medication. It was very noticeable to the staff and it wasn't something she was able to keep hidden. We were all shouting, she had a headache and all of us had given up. I'd made a post on Friday which she read like I asked. At the bottom I'd written "we're gone tomorrow". That was the truth. All of us had given up. So we didn't exist? Well, then let's make it that way.
She got up and hurriedly did her washing, knowing that when she asked for an hour of leave (she now has two separate hours of leave a day) that Sally would help her do something and that we'd succeed because even if the police were called before we'd killed ourselves, they'd be all preoccupied waiting and circling around near the suspension bridge.
Keri told staff she was going to the supermarket. She didn't even get near the inside before Sally came out, got her on a bus and the next thing Keri knows is she's standing next to a tall fence next to a railway line and the sun has gone down. Looking through her bag she managed to find the small torch she usually keeps in her bag, just in case. It's just a cheap one from tesco but it definitely is bright! She couldn't get over the fence and onto the railway line so ended up walking through woods and deserted areas for hours, consistently getting her feet stuck in mud or getting freaked out that her hallucinations were following her. She was absolutely freezing and on the verge of collapse
Finally, she managed to find a remote bridge that overlooked the railway. There were houses nearby but the path to the bridge was pitch black, and so was the bridge itself. Keri knew that no one would be walking around in the dark like that at that time of night. Even though she was stiff from the cold and felt like fainting, as soon as she looked over the railings she shone her torch down into the darkness. It was a mainline railway. The cold disappeared and she felt so calm and relaxed. Just as she was looking down, one train passed on the right hand side track so, after quickly looking to make sure no one was around, she climbed onto the wall and over the railing, perching on the edge of the bridge just over the track that the train had just crossed. She knew that her best bet would be jumping in front of a train from a bridge as the driver wouldn't see her until it was too late.
After about fifteen minutes she was to the point where she was almost dangling off the side of the bridge and suddenly heard that familiar noise of the police helicopter. She prayed that hopefully because she was so cold, the thermal cameras wouldn't pick up on her. Unfortunately they found her and started circling to direct ground units to her. There were three officers that were quickly behind Keri. She didn't even realise they were there.
"Back up and give some space for a minute," said one male officer as they waited for more units. It was clear from Keri's posture that she was ready to jump as soon as she had the chance. It wasn't going to be long before a train turned up on her side of the track. The police knew this and I heard the same officer ask someone to make sure the trains were stopped. Keri heard nothing. She still was ignorant to her surrounding popularity, and tried ignoring the helicopter. The officer asking for the trains to be stopped had been too late, there was one on the way, Keri could see the lights and felt the vibrations on the bridge. Now, she thought. She glanced down at the dark tracks as the train got closer, thinking that it looked so peaceful. There was no panic, no distress. She just knew that she wouldn't have to feel anymore pain.
Before the train got too close, all of a sudden there were several officers grabbing Keri with every hand they could manage. Keri was startled and started struggling. I don't know whether you guys have ever watched the first series of Touch, but if she's touched by people without any warning or by people she doesn't know she starts struggling (which makes people hold onto her tighter), starts hyperventilating, and makes horribly distressing noises. She was shouting and crying and tried everything to get out of their grip. At one point they had to restrain her to the point of hurting her. It wasn't their fault though. Keri was still on the other side of the wall and railings. If they let her go she'd have tumbled down onto the tracks.
"Call in for more back-up!" an officer shouted down his radio. "She's still on the wrong side of the railings and we need help getting her back over. She's really struggling with us here."
Keri didn't hear them say that either. She was suddenly blinded by the helicopter spotlight which attracted the attention of most of the houses lined up along the railway. With a bright light in her eyes, still alive and in an extremely panicked state, she totally zoned out. The officers somehow managed to get her over the railings and lift her from the wall and onto the floor. Again, they couldn't help but hurt her as they carried her over the top of the spiky railings as the struggling continued.
The officers managed to get her standing up and Keri was still unresponsive, making distressed noises, hyperventilating and staring at the floor as officers held onto her to put her in a police car.
"Hey Keri," one officer walking a few steps ahead said. "Do you remember me? I've met you before."
She didn't even hear his question. She was placed inside a police car without a struggle while a very kind officer sat in the back with her. Keri was rapidly rocking back and forth, still making distressed noises and hyperventilating. The officer put a hand on her back.
"Keri, it's okay," he said. "You're safe, you're with us now."
Keri remained unresponsive during the whole journey.
"Keeping an eye on her hands mate?" the driver said.
"Yeah, there's no issue. She's not talking, or doing anything for that matter. Totally unresponsive."
They were bringing her back to Alder Unit.
"According to the inspector, we've just got to play good cop and then leave," the driver said. They were very kind to Keri. The inspector was absolutely fuming and was putting in another report and contacting Alder yet again. The police weren't angry at Keri, they were angry with the mental health system.
With Keri soon heavily doped up on medication and given a hot cup of tea, she was kept on one to one observation. Their main priority was to get Keri into some warm dry clothes before she started getting hypothermia, the second was to get her something to eat as she was so close to fainting. After that Keri was allowed to go to her room, still being checked regularly by staff. You would've thought that she'd have fallen asleep early but again it was another late night.
Not much to report on today. By the way, happy 18th birthday to Keri's younger brother Jamie! Keri's been in her room for most of it. One of the staff took her to the supermarket to get batteries as her unescorted leave has been banned. Staff have had the police on the phone for a while today talking about things as they're getting so angry. Let's see how tonight pans out. All of us are pretty annoyed that Keri was found. How do you instill hope into those that have none?
No comments:
Post a Comment