DAY 177 - 31st January, Friday
Oh dear. There's no chance of having a peaceful weekend. Keri had her CPA today and it's been decided that next week she's going to be admitted to Lime Unit again, the acute ward that she came from. Until then, she's staying on one to one. Hopefully the whole thing will maintain some safety. Unfortunately it hasn't fully sunk in with Keri yet, which is partly good as it means Sally hasn't really heard what the plan is yet. Everything is going to go terribly wrong now. Keri's panicking that something's going to happen, to the point she actually spent an hour throwing up. Her anxiety just came out of nowhere. Do the staff really think that Keri is going to be able to casually walk 50 yards across the car park to get to the unit without dissociating? That's if she doesn't dissociate before that. Sally is in no mood to be put on a locked ward. If they can actually get her on there then I don't think it's going to be long before she starts emerging during therapy. She's gotten used to the freedom too on this ward, much like Keri has. Being put on an acute ward for an indefinite period of time is going to force her into coming out. At least the rest of us might get a chance too as well if Sally starts letting off steam! Simon and the rest of huge staff have kept emphasising today about how it's only temporary and that her room will stay safe and the way it is until she's able to come back again with lower risk levels and after building up on some unescorted leave. Even so, Sally needs serious help before we can come back!
Keri tried interacting more with the staff as she wanted to stay as distracted as possible. She's trying to stick her head in the sand and pretend none of this is happening. She's spent most of the night unpacking things that Becki brought her today when she came in for the meeting. She's rearranged things, done her washing, cleaned, and also had another binge and vomit episode. Anything to keep herself trying not to think which is a hard thing to do when her mind is racing round and round like a formula one car! Now her focus is back to fasting again. Great. So now she's going to feel weaker again and it'll be hard getting her out of bed again.
Me, David and Clari all want to go to Lime if it means we can come out for therapy too and even to do day to day things. Keri won't be happy with that as she'll feel out of control because of Sally. She's already annoyed because her Diazepam has been lowered by another 1mg. She wants to keep it to 9mg three times a day and not have anything fiddled about with until she gets back to the unit. She doesn't like the psychiatrist over there, Dr. Wilke. But she was told in her CPA that he seemed to really care and was happy to help out with the situation so Keri's opinion of him has slightly gone up a bit from "He's a dick" to "He's a bit of a dick". Baby steps!
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