DAY 36 - 12th September, Thursday
Wow. Today has been the longest day ever! Keri refused to get out of bed or have her medication this morning. She planned to go out to the garden and get over the fence when she got up before the staff realised she was out of bed. However when she got outside she found the bin she normally used to prop against the fence had been bolted to the concrete! Another patient, Nicole, was out there and explained that a guy had come round and done it to all the bins. Keri got really pissed off and stormed to the desk.
"I want to go out," she said to the staff.
"Well, at the moment we're not letting you out for your own safety, Keri," said Abz, one of the nurses. Jay was sat next to her and just looked at Keri. It was obvious how distressed she was.
By the time it was 1pm the staff found her huddled on her bathroom floor again crying. Brian was going to be her key nurse for the afternoon and evening. He left to carry on handover while another nurse sat with Keri on the bathroom floor. She spoke to Keri about everything that was happening and encouraged her to actually eat some carrot sticks which Keri had bought which she then did. It was decided that Keri was going to go back onto ten minute observation.
While in the process of eating her carrot sticks, Nicole knocked on her bedroom door.
"Have you seen them?" she whispered. "The gardeners are outside and the gate is wide open, and the door to get out there isn't locked. You can go!"
"Are you being serious?" Keri said, slightly shocked.
Keri had been talking to Nicole about how she needed to get out that morning when she found the bin bolted to the ground. As soon as Nicole told her this Keri grabbed her bag and shot off out into the garden, only to find that the gardeners were just finishing and locking up the gate. She was devastated.
"Oh, I'm sorry Keri," Nicole said. "First the bin and now that. Are you coming up to the downs this afternoon? You'll have perfect opportunity to go then."
A spark glistened in Keri's eyes. The downs? That was up near the suspension bridge. The perfect place. And she'd be driven up there by taxi! Bonus. Nicole at this point didn't actually realise that when Keri managed to get out of the hospital then she'd kill herself. She thought she was just being helpful as Keri had been locked up for over 5 weeks. Strangely, Abz and Jay encouraged Keri to go up there with them to get off the ward when a few hours beforehand they didn't even want to risk walking her to the supermaket!
A few hours went by and it was time to go. Five other patients were going along with two members of staff. At first, Keri and three other patients got into the first taxi with Abz while Jay and the other two patients waited for the second taxi to arrive.
As soon as they arrived at the downs Keri sparked up a cigarette and looked over the railings down at the road. Abz stuck close by as Keri decided to climb onto them to get a better view. The other patients were lingering around about ten feet away. At first Keri thought that it was just coincidence that Abz was standing next to her instead of the other patients, but as soon as Keri started walking away from the group Abz stayed with her.
"Keri, I need you to come back with the other patients," she said.
"Well, you can go back and hang around with them then," Keri replied.
"No, I have to stay with you," Abz said.
"Why?" Keri said, eyeing up the suspension bridge, which she'd been doing the moment they'd arrived. Abz had already cottoned on to this.
"You know exactly why," she said.
After Jay and the other two patients arrived, they went to the ice cream van to choose an ice cream.
"Let's go and get an ice cream," Abz said.
"No, I don't want one, thanks," Keri said, slowly trying to make her way in the opposite direction.
"Come on," she said, taking hold of one of Keri's arms and pulling her to the ice cream van where everyone else was.
"You must want something," Jay said. "What about a can of coke?"
Keri shook her head and started walking away from the group again and sparked up another cigarette, waiting for the perfect opportunity to just run.
"Let's go for a walk," Keri said to Abz. "That way."
Keri was pointing in the general direction of the bridge.
"We can't Keri, the taxis are waiting for us," she said.
Regardless of what Abz said, Keri went off anyway. Abz must have said something to Jay as he made after Keri. She started speed walking, knowing full well that she wouldn't be able to outrun Jay. He ran to and from work and was planning to do a marathon!
"Keri, slow down, we need to go back to the taxis," Jay said.
"No we don't, the taxis will drive this way anyway," Keri said, looking in the distance at Abz and the other patients waiting near the taxis with their ice creams.
"Keri, stop, come one," Jay said, taking hold of one of Keri's arms.
"No! I want to go this way!" Keri cried, trying to get Jay off of her.
"Why do you want to go that way?" he said, still keeping hold of her so she couldn't go anywhere.
"You know exactly why I want to go that way," she said, not falling for the faked naivety.
"Then you know exactly why I'm not letting you go that way," Jay said, taking her arm tighter in his grip and starting to pull her back towards the group.
"No, get off me!" Keri said.
He proceeded to pull Keri's arm next to him and put his other arm around her waist and her other arm so he could get her back to the group more easily. At one point another patient was walking to the taxi and was about ten feet behind Keri and Jay.
"Look!" Keri said. "Nicole's walking all the way back there so lets just turn around and walk that way!"
"No," Jay said.
"Can I bribe you?" she said, half sarcastically.
"Keri, we care about you, you're not going to the bridge," Jay said, still pulling her towards the taxi. "We can go for a walk off the grounds when we get back okay?"
They were now several feet away from the taxis and Keri was seriously not happy.
"No!" Keri cried. "It's so close! I don't want to go back to the hospital!"
Abz went round the other side of Keri and took hold of her other arm so they could get her into the taxi.
"Jay, do you want to get in this taxi?" Abz said as Jay pulled Keri into one of the seats and kept hold of her while she was fighting to get out of the door. Three other patients got in with them while Abz and the other two patients got into the other taxi.
"Can you secure the back doors please?" Abz asked the driver through the front window.
Then they were on their way back. Keri soon caught on to the fact that when the red light was on it meant the doors were locked, but if the taxi was sat still for about 30 seconds (like stuck in traffic) then there would be a click and the red light would turn off. At one point she managed to half get out of the grip of Jay's arm around her with her other arm being held by his other hand. She managed to reach across two patients and get the door open while the taxi driver started driving! Jay instantly restrained her and got Nicole to shut the taxi door back up. Jay had caught on to when the doors were being automatically unlocked and each time they were he'd tighten his grip when he felt Keri start tensing up ready to go. He kept her restrained for the whole journey. Even when it got to the point that they'd arrived just outside the unit, Jay kept hold of her until the other patients had gone. He only had hold of one of her arms so she tried leaping out of the taxi and twisting her arm to get out of his grip so she could leg it to a bus stop somewhere away from the hospital.
"Come on, Keri," Jay said, trying to comfort her. "We have to get you back on the unit."
He pulled her towards the entrance and kept struggling until the point when she was through the door, at which point she gave up and just walked to the female garden to sit and have a cigarette. Lucinda was out there and got on Keri's nerves. She didn't even register that Keri had tears running down her face and just chattered about some crap.
Nicole came out eventually and sat with Keri, talking about how much of a failure today had been about Keri trying to get away and kill herself. I can tell you this, her intent has never been so strong. If she doesn't do something desperate like suffocate herself with a carrier bag (on ten minute obs that'd be almost impossible) and manages to get to the suspension bridge, there'd be absolutely no hesitation. That would be it, which would leave a lot of people devastated; and someone would get a lot of money from suing the hospital!
She was told she had to take her medication this evening because of the benzodiazepine withdrawal. So she's started taking her medication again. Will this carry on tomorrow? I really couldn't tell you. What I can tell you is that if Keri doesn't shower when she gets up I'm getting Clari to come out and do it! She's had one shower in the 5 weeks she's been here!
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