DAY 45 - Saturday, 21st September
Well she was up again until about 5am before settling. Night times are really bad for her at the moment and the staff have noticed how much more revved up she gets at night. Hopefully by the time it gets to her ward round her medication can be changed. She's already on Quetiapine, Mirtazapine, Zopiclone and Diazepam! It's doing nothing. Well, I say it's doing nothing but you should see her when she's not on it! It's really not a nice feeling, especially when she gets withdrawal.
Keri got her surprise visit from her mum and her mum's partner. It wasn't a surprise to me, I just hadn't told her. I'd been putting it off for ages but in the end it was a case of "We're visiting!". The nurse knocked on Keri's door and said she had visitors.
"Who?" she asked. It was Saturday. Her foster mum was usually up to the eyeballs on weekends and none of her mental health or social care workers worked during the weekends.
"I don't know," the nurse said (let's call her Caramel!). "They just said they've come to see you."
Now hold on, what kind of security is that? Someone turns up at the door, says they're here to visit someone and that's it? Sounds a bit dodgy in my opinion but anyway, moving on.
Keri took her visitors into the communal garden so her and her mum could smoke. J doesn't smoke but was with us anyway (Keri's mum's partner). They'd brought along with them cookies, chocolate and cigarettes and also a load of old photographs, get well soon cards, the autobiography Keri did but doesn't remember doing as Alice helped with that! Her mum even bought down all of Keri's drawings over the couple of years she was in and out of hospital. I'm not kidding you, the pile is nearly an inch thick! Her wall will be covered once she puts them up. Maybe not all of them as some of her drawings are quite graphic and depressing.
There were a few issues with Bitch. She started probing and asking Keri's mum why Keri was put up for adoption. Keri lost her temper and shouted, "I wasn't put up for adoption I was put into care! It's none of your business so just leave it and move on okay?" Keri's mum was trying to hide it but Keri could see it was upsetting her. In the end Bitch turned round to Keri and said, "Well you must've been a filthy rotten cow then." That was it. Keri was straight in to get staff to come out so that Keri wasn't forced to let Sally deal with things. The staff spoke to Bitch but she still lingered. At one point Keri's mum and J had to calm her down to stop her going off and being physically aggressive; although in between walking from the bench to Bitch then she would've dissociated and Sally would've finished the job.
Overall the visit wasn't too bad even though it surprised Keri. Her mum even gave her her teddy bear to keep for now. Apparently he's called Benji. He's sweet. She also handed Keri a sealed card when she left for Keri to read when they were gone. I've got to say, Keri has never felt so depressed and confused. She's got a combination of guilt, regret, depression, anxiety... Name any negative emotion right now and she's got it! But that's because of the complexity of the family relationships plus the personal stuff written in the card. There's a lot of underlying things going on.
Bitch just got worse through the day and in the end Keri had a one to one session with Caramel. Keri felt a little better afterwards. She just wanted to vent really. She's having another one to one session with her tomorrow. Keri wants to see her mum but if the hospital doesn't think it's appropriate they might not let it happen. As far as I'm aware there's been talk of that but it's not been directly said or written down, it's people's opinions really.
Keri lost it with Bitch this evening. Keri was using the cold shoulder technique but it didn't stop Bitch from trying to degrade Keri or make her lose her temper. In the end Bitch just turned round to Keri and said, "Well, you should just kill yourself". WHAT? EXCUSE ME? I could not believe she actually said those words to Keri. Even for Keri it went over a line that shouldn't be crossed so this evening she wrote a letter which I emailed to the charge nurse working tonight. He's printed a copy to hand to the hospital admin and because of the seriousness of the issue he's also said (after reading what Keri had written) that he wanted to forward it on to the consultant psychiatrists with Keri's permission. Keri was all to happy to give her permission so they'll see that on Monday. Let's just hope Keri holds out until then. Sally's gleeful over the fact Bitch could push Keri over the edge which means she can come out and beat the crap out of Bitch. Although many patients and staff, including Keri, wouldn't mind Sally doing that!
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