DAY 134, 135 & 136 - 19th, 20th & 21st December, Thursday, Friday & Saturday
Keri didn't find her psychotherapy session very helpful on Friday. She'd been documenting everything hour by hour since Thursday evening as soon as she started getting a headache and knew Sally would eventually come out. A lot of people have suggested writing it all down when things happened to see if there was a pattern. Even though she spent 45 minutes talking to Fiona, she can't remember half the stuff they even talked about and has no idea on how to help with Sally. In fact, no one does.
Yesterday night Sally decided she was going to disappear again. She let Keri out by the time she got to the observatory. Maybe the buses were in her favour or she just ran most of the way there, but either way Sally got Keri up there pretty quickly. Keri looked over the railings at the bridge. There was no one walking on it and even the traffic was pretty quiet, only the occasional car was crossing. Even so, it would've been hard to see Keri in the dark and the rain while driving past anyway. So Keri legged it to the bottom of the observatory then casually walked along it again (she found that if she runs then it gets the security guards on edge straight away). Once in the middle, she looked up and down. No cars. No security. No pedestrians. She started climbing the fence, managing to get halfway over the first fence before being pulled down by one of the managers from the bridge who had happened to be passing in his car as Keri was climbing. He managed to stop and grab her just as the security reached her and was congratulated on how he was able to spot her even in the terrible weather. She was extremely non-compliant and kept kicking off. The guard holding onto her was called Shaun. He'd pulled her down the last time when Sally had tried getting over.
As Keri was kicking off so much, Shaun had to hold one arm around her neck and the other around her waist so he could half carry her to the toll booth house while the other security officer phoned the police to let them know they'd found Keri. Two police officers showed up but after seeing how distressed Keri was they called up for a van, so they had to wait for that to show up. Shaun was actually really good with her. He loosened his grip every now and again but couldn't let her go as Keri kept going for the doors to get back on the bridge. She never could struggle for long as she was in a partial choke hold which then meant she had no choice but to calm down. Her hyperventilating just got worse when two more officers arrived with their van. She panics with police officers as she's had bad experiences in the past, it's nothing personal to them.
"The unit often phone us up and we've already told them that this isn't a cry for help," Shaun was saying to the officers. "She's real serious about getting over the barrier and there's been some times where it's been way too close for comfort. That ward has no idea what they're doing."
One of the officers who'd been stood waiting kneeled down next to Keri and tried getting Keri to look her in the eye.
"Keri, because you're so distressed we want to keep you safe while we take you back to the hospital," she said. "I'm going to have to put some handcuffs on you. I won't do it now, I'm just warning you that that's what I'm going to have to do. Is that okay?"
"No!" Keri screamed. The same woman searched her while Shaun kept hold of her. I don't quite agree with how she was being restrained as one arm was around her neck. She was already hyperventilating. With the amount she was kicking off she was kept constantly restrained. When it was time to get her in the van the female officer took out her handcuffs and was restrained by her and Shaun while they put one cuff on.
"Keri, relax your arm," she said, "come on, I'm not going to hurt you."
Partly relaxing her arm, the officer managed to get Keri's other arm behind her back to put the cuffs on properly. Shaun made sure he was the one to help take Keri out to the van. The traffic had been held up for a good fifteen minutes as the van was blocking the way.
"I can't go back! You've got to let me go! Please!" Keri shouted, by this point she was crying.
With a lot of effort they managed to get her in the cage and get the door shut. Keri went absolutely mental in the thirty seconds she was left on her own. Kicking out at the door and bashing her head really hard against the side of the vehicle. In the end two officers had to get in the cage and keep hold of her. One of them grabbed a soft foam thing and put it between Keri's head and the side of the vehicle. The other kept hold of Keri's arm to keep some form of control when Keri was lashing out.
"The badger was in the sink," Keri said. "The fucking thing stole my spoons! Shut up, shut up!" What? Yeah, that's what I thought. Make any sense to you? If it does then please explain!
The female officer was following behind in her car. It was quite claustrophobic with three people in the cage, although one of them was only half in there.
The four officers managed to get her back inside the hospital. One of them went into the office to talk to staff while the other three were directed into a small lounge to keep Keri in. When she got back from talking to staff she came in and sat down on one of the sofas.
"Do you want to take the cuffs off her yet?" one of the guys asked her.
"No," she said. "Not yet."
The staff had gone off to get Keri some medication which she took after finally getting the handcuffs off. She wanted a cigarette but the police were very wary. Staff arrived with more pills.
"Here's some more medication," they said. "Part number two."
They went to get Keri's cigarettes but the police weren't happy with letting Keri outside without two of them going out there with her and a member of staff. Once she'd finished she was taken into the staff office to sit with the two staff that were on. The two remaining officers said their goodbyes and left. You could tell they were getting annoyed with the staff. They found it ridiculous that there were only two members of staff for ten patients, especially when someone like Keri is taking up both members of staff.
It was definitely a restless night. Keri didn't go to sleep until gone 3am and woke up terrified thinking her dad was in her room at 7am. She'd also had flashes of road signs which she quickly scribbled in the notebook she keeps next to her bed if she has a nightmare or dreams something confusing or important. Just to make sure she doesn't forget about it. She wrote down all the road signs. Keri doesn't know what the road signs mean but I do. It's the route Sally uses to get to the suspension bridge, somehow while Keri was sleeping that leaked into her dreams. After an hour, she then went back to bed until 3pm. She didn't sleep for that much. By the time she got out of bed, she knew she hadn't been asleep all that time because Sally had graffitied her wardrobe with a message saying "Keri litsen 38" (we're all assuming she means 'listen' as Sally isn't a great speller). Plus an arrow pointing to the left (which could've meant her DVDs, her laptop, her music... Keri ended up watching the 38th DVD on her shelf (Side Effects) and as she was sorting her paperwork she noticed the plug on her docking station was switched on. When she looked at the station, she saw her iPod plugged into it. Keri didn't do that. Sally did it and put it on the list of Eminem songs Keri has. That was what Sally meant. Listening to the 38th Eminem song which was called Talking to Myself. Keri listened to it but doesn't quite understand what she means by it. Sally has never tried explaining her feelings before and if you listen to the lyrics in that song you can tell how hurt and angry she is.
Knowing how annoyed Sally is, Keri decided to sit in the communal lounge for a while and watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. She got a bit fed up with another patient. She saw Keri get brought in last night and was having a go at Keri about how she'd seen seven police officers in the unit at one point and that Keri had her whole life ahead of her... What she didn't realise was that whenever anyone says this to Keri she sits there and becomes even more determined to kill herself just to prove that the world has screwed her over and she's not prepared to live in it anymore. She's absolutely dreading Christmas! Even though she's hopefully going to be spending Christmas with her foster parents, the closer the day comes the more miserable she's getting. Looks like I might have to come out for part of Christmas or Sally might end up ruining it for everyone. And you know what? Keri's past caring if Sally comes out again between now and Christmas. How do I get her hope and motivation back? It's breaking my heart seeing her go so downhill. She even looks haunted and ill. You can tell she's not herself. She's forcing herself to smile if she has to but inside she's thinking "I want this all to end!" I'm sorry there's nothing I can do, Keri. I wish there was :(
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