DAY 93 - 8th November, Friday
Keri forced herself to get up at 2.30pm as she had an appointment with her psychotherapist at 3pm. The first thing she checked as she woke up was the public site that lists court listings and gives live feeds as to what's happening. When she looked at it it said that the jury had retired to make their verdict over an hour earlier. She started panicking.
Most of her psychotherapy appointment involved talking about court. While her psychotherapist was there, another court update appeared on her phone saying that court had resumed but it didn't specify a verdict. Her psychotherapist promised to come back after she'd finished with another appointment just after 6pm to check in on her about the verdict if she'd found out.
The police liaison officer in charge of the case phoned the staff and she was visiting that evening, around 8pm. All the staff, and even her psychotherapist, knew the verdict. Keri didn't want anyone to tell her until the officer turned up as she knew the ins and outs of what happened during court. When she turned up she sat in Keri's room with a nurse and gave Keri the bad news, her dad was being let off and was found not guilty. Keri couldn't stop crying after the police officer left and spent most of the evening trying to climb the fence in the HDU garden. Eventually she was given some medication and the garden was locked up. Because of all the energy that it had taken to be constantly crying and fighting to get over the fence she was exhausted and fell asleep at her desk before waking up at 5am. After a cigarette she decided to close off the world and huddle in bed. I really don't blame her. She's so gutted that her hard work has been ruined that she thinks she's got nothing left to lose. Her mental health is really badly damaged.
DAY 94 - 9th November, Saturday
Today has been the worst day Keri has had so far in hospital. She got up at nearly 3pm and the first thing she did was put on her coat, refuse medication, grab her bag and try the door out to the HDU garden to get over the fence before anyone realised she was awake. Unfortunately, the door was locked.
After about fifteen minutes she ended up cutting her arm five times, with Sally providing her with a razor blade. Blondie patched Keri up and kept Keri on ten minute observation. Barely half an hour after she'd been patched up she went to the desk saying she wanted some leave, and she only has escorted leave written up.
"Can you look me in the eye and promise that you'll come back with me?" Blondie said. "Look me in the eye and tell me."
"Look this is stupid," Keri shouted, losing her temper. "Why is it that a guilty paedophile is allowed to roam the streets yet I'm confined within the fences of a fucking psych ward?! You know what, fuck this."
Before any of the nurses could reply, Keri stormed out into the communal garden. Another male patient was out there.
"Oi," she said to him. "Can you do me a favour and help me move this bench?"
He had no hesitation and went to help Keri move the bench to the fence. Unfortunately the staff knew Keri was distressed and Nic and Blondie were out before the other patient even got his hands on the bench to help Keri.
"That's not helpful," Blondie said to the other patient.
Keri was kept on one to one observation for at least an hour while she was out in the garden before finally agreeing to go in. She went straight to her room. Twenty minutes later and Nic and Blondie came into her room.
"Keri, we need your room to be a safe place," Blondie said. "At the moment I'm stuck in a position. We will either have to remove everything out of your room including any wires or sharp objects. Or we'd have to lock you out of your room. Or we'll end up having to put you on one to one observation which means a member of staff sat at your door constantly. I'm feeling reluctant to do any of these at the moment. Are you willing to take any of your medication yet?"
With a final shaking of the head from Keri, Blondie got up and left, making sure to remind Keri she was being checked regularly (every ten minutes).
Under two hours later and Keri had cut her arm again, except this time it was to the extent there was no choice but to take her to the hospital to get stitches. As Blondie was examining the wound and trying to stop it bleeding she gave Keri a pot of medication and it was a matter of 'you'll take this medication without argument'.
One of the staff took her up by taxi after Keri promised Blondie she'd come back to the unit with staff afterwards. Keri went to South Bristol Community Hospital so all the staff there know Keri and if the nurses from Callington phone, their patients get priority. Keri was only just able to be seen as they didn't get to the hospital until 8pm due to the taxi wait. Several members of staff stuck their heads in while Keri was being stitched to say hello as they hadn't seen her for a while. Apparently Keri's psychiatrist went to visit them and tell them what a great job they'd been doing with Keri and wanted to use Keri's extensive notes to see how the nurses dealt with self harm and people with mental illnesses. They passed with flying colours! And were also pleased that the psych had thanked them for looking after Keri so well.
Keri returned to the unit but has spent most of her time in her room. The staff are being really sympathetic and caring. No judgemental comments at all. She's still on ten minute observation because she's had a lot of medication so she's pretty out of it. If she wakes up tomorrow and refuses her medication again then she'll end up needing more stitches and one to one observation.
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