DAY 108, 109 & 110: 23rd November, Saturday - 25th November, Monday
I'm sorry I haven't written for a few days guys but I haven't been around much online, it's mainly been Keri. I've had to focus on other stuff!
Since her ten minutes unescorted leave Keri hasn't been out unescorted since. Tiny things are triggering her off, even to the point of her nearly bursting into tears if she even catches sight of a young child. In her mind, everyone is abusive, every child is being abused, and even if they appear happy she thinks they're not. I think this must be a backlash from court. Keri's mind can't get her head around a non abusive life. She started to when she was living with her foster parents but since moving out and having to do the court case, she's completely distrusting again and is protective of children she doesn't even know, just random ones she sees in Tesco. The evil looks she gives to the accompanying adults make them walk away as fast as possible!
There was another self harm episode on Saturday which was very deep but Blondie managed to put it together with steri strips. The problem is, six hours later and the wound was still bleeding. The night staff tried re-steri stripping the wound but it still bled. The next day they were talking about having to take Keri to go and get stitched until Keri reminded them of the fact that hospitals had a 12 hour rule. If a wound has been left partially or fully open for more than 12 hours since it happened then they won't stitch it just in case they're sewing in an infection that's already settled into the wound. So Keri's been left with steri-strips and just has to keep getting her dressing changed.
Keri is now completely definite Jamie isn't a demon. A few days ago she was still having a couple of doubts but now she's been online and spoken to him and apologised massively. She feels so guilty about it. She spent ages gathering evidence, trying to persuade other people, and even refused to buy him a birthday present for his 17th birthday back in January. Now she feels like she's got her little brother back. I'm really glad about this. Their relationship used to be amazing and her brother has been very forgiving. He realised Keri was just unwell and had developed a delusion. He hasn't taken it personally and is talking to Keri quite happily. Thanks Jamie, you're a very patient brother to Keri!
I came out about 12.15pm which was fifteen minutes before Keri's psychotherapist was going to arrive but she didn't arrive on time and I let Keri back out. Keri knew I'd been out and told her psychotherapist I wanted to speak to her and that I wanted to visit Alder Unit myself, not just looking at it from Keri's perspective. Hopefully she'll be able to arrange something with the manager this week. She talked to her psychotherapist about her self harm etc and the nurses had even sent her an email asking what she was going to do about Keri's self harm! The answer is nothing! No one can do anything if Keri's zoning out at the time or just dissociating completely. If you've got no control over a situation you can't stop the situation happening!
The physiotherapist ambushed her today and Keri's really not feeling it right now but she wants to look at Keri's back. Keri's posture is terrible as she usually keeps her head down and avoids all eye contact unless she's talking to someone she really trusts like her foster parents and certain members of staff. The problem is, for the physio to look at her back she needs to view Keri's whole posture which means Keri would have to be in shorts and a vest. That was a big no no! She made that quite plain to the physio!
I've had to come out a lot this evening and keep checking Keri's Internet history. One of the alters that she's unaware of is really into porn and I've had to keep coming on and deleting all the sites he's visited. I'm getting tired of secrets but this is one Keri really doesn't need to know about. She'll panic if she knows she's got an alter like that inside her. She's only just getting her head around Clari's promiscuity! That's another reason I wanted to speak to our psychotherapist. Plus I've found another 7 alters. That makes more than 40 of us now!
Her sleep pattern is getting worse. Last night she stayed up until gone 5am this morning because of all the noise the voices are making (aka all the alters, and unknown voices which is confusing). This evening she's spending time sitting in the communal area, even though it's now early morning. It's likely that the staff will give her some Lorazepam along with her sleeping medication. They're well aware of the fact she's having trouble with how noisy most of the voices are. She's got her headphones though which is her coping technique and the nurses encouraged sitting in the communal area, even if it was 3 or 4am, just to make sure she doesn't do anything dangerous.
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