DAY 17 - 24th August
Now that was a seriously bad night. Keri didn't get to sleep until at least 5am as she was up all night having visions of her foster family being hurt and killed. In fact it was so real to her that Brian (pseudo name for one of the nurses) gave her some Lorazepam so she was calmer and promised to handover to the morning staff that they would contact Keri's foster mum to make sure she was okay. Keri eventually settled down but was very anxious during the day. She asked the nurses several times about whether anyone had called her foster mum and none of them knew what she was talking about. Their handover sucks!
Thankfully her foster mum visited in the evening and Keri was reassured that her foster mum was safe, along with everyone else. They even left the hospital and nipped over the road to the supermarket. Keri needed to buy some stuff but the longer they were out the more she was getting agitated. Her paranoia gradually got worse, the bug she thinks is in her head started scratching more, she thought everyone in the supermarket was following her. She saw it in "their beady little eyes". To the outside she probably looked just a bit agitated but on the inside she was going wild.
Clarissa decided to try and help Keri late in the evening. She'd bought Clarissa some bows and Liz bought her some clips so Clarissa decided to repay the debt for the gifts. Unfortunately this gift came in the form of a very strong joint in the garden after Keri had had her night time medication. Keri found herself sitting on her floor in the ensuite shower/toilet. She knew Clarissa had smoked weed again as she could smell it and feel the effects of it as well. Keri was going to have to wait another half an hour before being able to get her washing out of the dryer. All she wanted to do was lie down and watch the ceiling swirl into different shapes. She fell asleep and didn't get her washing until gone midnight; stumbling along the corridor and going as quickly as she could so that she didn't run into any staff. Luckily the laundry room was unlocked and is only several metres along the corridor from her room.
After getting her washing she spent nearly an hour trying to get undressed and sorted for bed because her coordination was all over the place. When she did finally collapse into bed that was it and she was totally unconscious, almost like she'd had a litre of vodka thrown down her throat.
DAY 18 - 25th August
Keri was pretty much dead until gone 11.30am, and she only got up because the cleaners were knocking at the door needing to come in and do her room. After getting dressed she sat and waited for her little brother and foster mum to arrive as they were due to visit at 12pm. They never arrived. I didn't even realise that her little brother had messaged me about it until I came out and checked my messages at about 2pm. I wish I'd checked before. It was a message to say that he wouldn't be able to come as the train ticket turned out to be more expensive than he'd thought and he didn't have the money. Poor Keri had been waiting around for 2 hours and I feel so guilty. Remind me to check my messages more! Keri is still not using the Internet or her phone so the only way she can know anything is if her foster mum or someone visits her or if I pass something on from Facebook or whatever.
Keri was very upset that they weren't able to visit. She decided to talk to staff and she also talked about a patient (let's call her Alison) that was getting to her. This kind of patient is very dramatic, attention-seeking and brags about things that shouldn't be bragged about, showing off self harm wounds like a trophy. Keri's got it rough already, surely she doesn't need any of that as well? It's ridiculous. Unfortunately Clarissa gets along very well with Alison and this is a downfall for Keri. The staff have been very good about all this and Keri was able to talk to her key nurse on shift very openly about her alters. He seemed to understand the complicated situation and Keri was very appreciative. Her urge to self harm (on a scale out of 10) had been a 6, but she told her key nurse that in the recent 10 minutes while smoking it had gone up to an 8. He urged Keri to speak to staff if the urge got any higher.
It's now quite late. Night medication has been taken and still Keri is revved up, having visions again and hallucinating. There's no money missing from Keri's purse and I've searched the room myself for any form of drugs. There is none as far as I can see. I hope this means that Clarissa won't come out to play for a bit. It's okay with me coming out as I just write online or do something rare like go and make Keri a nice cappuccino if she's feeling miserable. I don't do drugs, try and escape from the hospital or hurt Keri in any way. I sure hope she starts getting better soon. Some of the patients here make Keri worse and not better. But, that being said, at least she can't drill a hole through her skull. She's in an environment of enforced forced physical safety in some respects. Silver linings.
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