Sectioned in Hospital - Day 85 to Day 89

Written by Fox.

DAY 85 - 31st October, Thursday (KERI'S BIRTHDAY!!)

Well, Clari got us all to a flying start very early in the morning! This meant Keri was overtired and hyper so she spent the morning rushing around and keeping herself busy, hoping nothing last minute was going to crop up and ruin the leave that she was being granted to go home for a few hours.

Her foster mum came and picked Keri up at about 11.30am and was allowed up to 4 hours as long as she stayed with her foster parents. Keri absolutely loved being at home again, seeing her foster parents and just enjoying the environment. She totally forgot about her presents because she was so happy about the fact she was actually home for the first time in about two months! When she eventually got round to opening her presents she had a lovely painting by numbers and pair of leopard slippers from her foster sister and one of her foster brothers. Plus she got another painting by numbers, a book and a nice new set of pyjamas from her foster parents. Keri almost cried when she opened up her cards, especially the one from her foster parents which actually had the word "daughter" written on the front! She didn't cry at home but she did when she got back! They weren't sad tears though so that's good, right?

She even got to see her kid foster brother (another foster child who's 15) on the way back as they had to pick him up from his brother's. The foster agency had some stupid rule that said they gave permission for Keri to go home but her kid foster brother wasn't allowed in the house at the time. Ridiculous. But I guess it's safe considering how out of control Sally gets when she comes out nowadays. Keri had a good chat with him in the car as they were driving back to the hospital. He started asking about things like straitjackets! Keri couldn't help but laugh. She did enjoy the time she spent out but she was still paranoid and a little unfocused. Even so, it did her good to go home for a bit.

She got really depressed when she got back on the unit as she obviously doesn't want to be here! But she kept herself calm by tidying and sorting out her room and going through all her presents and sorting those out too. She was really grateful about all her presents and was thrilled with everything, especially a home visit! Although by the time it hit 7pm she was getting real annoyed with people saying happy birthday to her!

Keri had a chat with Blondie in the evening as Keri was a bit stressed. She'd been told that the liaison officer in charge of her court case is going to be visiting tomorrow, not something Keri is looking forward to. She's also been told that the officer is coming on Monday too so things are a little confused. Keri is supposed to be in court on Monday so the officer arranging a visit for that day makes no sense! Oh well, we'll find out tomorrow.

DAY 86 - 1st November, Friday

Well, not a great day. Keri was awoken by her personal advisor visiting who'd also bought her some presents, including a few small things for Clari and Jimmy! That was nice. The visit didn't go on for long though as the liaison officer arrived at 11.30am so Keri, her personal advisor, the liaison officer and Abz (one of the nurses) sat down and had a chat about what was going to happen at court. It wasn't good news some of it. The 'defendent' (can't currently be named for legal reasons) has now gone and hired a Queens Council along with his barrister. A QC is higher up than a barrister. The liaison officer's theory is that the defendent is scared of being put in prison because of how the jury reacted last time; they all 

looked at him like he was shit on a shoe. Keri isn't only going to be going with her PA and foster mum, but now Abz is going to be coming from the hospital to make sure Keri can be managed properly if she dissociates or becomes too anxious. She's also working that afternoon so can fill the rest of the staff in on what Keri is like at the time, mood and behaviour wise.

Unfortunately this evening Big S came in with a piece of paper in his hand and said that the judge in charge of the case was being delayed due to a case overrunning unexpectedly so court is going to be delayed for a day, it'll start on Tuesday instead of Monday. So Keri will be at the hospital viewing her video evidence on Tuesday afternoon and then taken to be cross examined at Crown Court on Wednesday. Going to be really tough.

DAY 87 - 2nd November, Saturday

Keri (in quick terms as I haven't been around much) = tried scaling the fence, too many flashbacks to count, extra medication needed, isolated herself and spent most time in the HDU, garden in HDU was opened tonight so Keri doesn't have to interact with anyone as she's suddenly taken a turn for the worse. I haven't been around this evening so have no idea what's suddenly set her off! :( I've been trying to look for David today so haven't been paying much attention to Keri. I know, I feel really guilty about it but I needed a break!

DAY 88 - 3rd November, Sunday

Keri had another isolated day. She's been so plagued with flashbacks that she's starting to mix together the past and the present, almost like she can't tell the difference. In the end she couldn't take much more and at about 8pm she went to ask for some extra medication, which in her case is usually Lorazepam. She asked three nurses and stood at that reception desk for over 20 minutes before she completely went off her nut.

"Have they sorted out my fucking PRN yet?" Keri shouted angrily at the nurse behind the desk, the only available member of staff.

"Have you asked anyone?" she said.

"Yes!" she shouted. "Three different fucking people! You know what, fuck it! Forget it!"

"Keri, I can get someone to get you something. But they're busy with another patient," the nurse shouted after Keri as she stormed through the corridor to smoke.

"I don't give a fuck!" Keri screeched.

She ended up storming round and round the garden in torrential rain. Strangely enough a member of staff turned up with her Lorazepam after a couple of minutes, but Keri was way past the point of talking to anyone. She was persuaded to take the tablet and then left alone, being told a nurse would see how she was in ten minutes. Three quarters of an hour later and Keri was still storming around the garden, completely soaked through to the bone; she was so cold it had gotten to the point she wasn't even shivering anymore. Did she feel calmer? No. Had the staff come to talk to her? No. So in the end, after nearly an hour, Keri went straight to her room and reached a state almost like catatonia. She sat completely still, eyes unfocused, unresponsive to anyone talking to her. At points she comes out of it but then after a few minutes or if she's out smoking, she'll get into a position and sit like that and stare straight ahead, not even recognising where she is or who's with her. 

DAY 89 - 4th November, Monday

Today has dragged on for all of us. It could have been a year for all we knew. Time is normal quite important but today it's been meaningless to Keri. She barely even checked her watch today even though she usually checks it religiously to make sure she hasn't dissociated without realising (which happens a lot). 

She saw a doctor today who has put her Diazepam dose back up to 21mg per day instead of 15mg. This was supposed to have been done on Friday but everyone just completely forgot. It's to help her with her anxiety and stuff during the court case but when she first starts it she's like a zombie, although she's been like that the last couple of days even without the extra medication! 

The day was completely destroyed when Keri went out for a cigarette this evening, nothing out of the ordinary, just the usual smoking routine. Except when Keri went out into the garden she found Bitch standing there being friendly to a few other patients. As soon as Keri and Bitch's eyes met it was an unsaid hate. Straight away she started with her snide comments and had a go at Keri over the fact she'd had to be moved to a different ward for the last five weeks because of the physical fight that happened between them that the staff had to deal with. Keri's not sure whether Bitch has learned her lesson as she was toeing the line less than five minutes of being together in the same room. One line that Bitch said that's stuck with Keri is, "I didn't even know she had it in her." This was referring to the fact that Bitch had no idea Keri would retaliate to what she was saying through physical aggression. The reason that line is stuck with Keri is because it's given her some kind of hope that Bitch learned her lesson the first time round. There's been no discussion around Keri's discharge being in the near future so Keri has no fear about her section or discharge being jeopardised if she punches Bitch in the face again. Hopefully it won't come to that, but Keri's strings are being pulled tighter with the overhanging gloom of the court case. I don't think it's going to go as smoothly as last time.

Keri also feels like a horrible human being because of last night. She kicked off because no one was sorting out her medication, only to realise after talking to the new guy today that he had a heart condition and had collapsed so the staff had to deal with that. This made Keri feel horrible about losing complete control of herself. She's been reassured by her foster brother, her mum and other people that she's not a bad human being for doing that. Still, she blames herself. She isn't a bad person. She didn't kick off on purpose. She didn't mean to cause a bit of chaos. She didn't mean to have flashbacks that were so intense she couldn't stand it, right at the time this guy collapsed in his room. How was she supposed to know what was going on? She'd isolated herself because of the stress. But no persuading her is going to make her think any differently. It's just her natural way of thinking, thinking it's her fault for everything that goes wrong.

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 83 & 84 (12 weeks)

Written by Fox.

DAY 83 - 29th October, Tuesday

Keri started her day with a visit from her little brother. He brought her birthday presents with him, and she opened them even though her birthday isn't until Thursday! He got her a great hoody that has written on the front "If one of my multiple personalities wants to kill themselves, is it classed as a hostage situation?" And on the back it says "Guess who I am today". It's great. He also got her the first series of Bad Education which has Jack Whitehall in it, she's a big fan. She also got given a parcel and a letter from staff, the parcel contained her onesie from her aunt and uncle (which she loves to pieces!) which even includes a hood with ears on! And then a card from her mum's dad which contained a cheque which she wasn't expecting!

Half way through her visit she got a surprise when her foster mum came in and she'd brought her sister and niece to see Keri too. They live in Worthing and sometimes come down for a few days to stay with Keri's foster mum. They had a good laugh and a chat. At some points Keri was wondering what the point was in putting on a smiley face but she kept at it anyway. Even though she's still suicidal, she did like the fact that they'd visited (although Keri's foster mum's niece is obsessed with a song called Baby Monkey, riding backwards on a pig?!).

Once they'd all left she kept herself in her room as she wasn't allowed out. The HDU garden was kept locked for most of the day until a member of staff was sat down doing paperwork in the HDU office. She didn't bother using the garden though, she only really goes out there when she's thinking of scaling the fence.

Her ward round wasn't until nearly 6pm! For some reason they'd gone on longer than usual and Keri ended up having her ward round in her bedroom! All of Keri's leave has been taken away, including escorted leave (however they made an exception afterwards so Keri could get some food for Clari and staff took her over). Jane, one of the nurses in the ward round, said that she was going to have to talk to the police later that evening to tell the sergeant about the plan of action as the police are really annoyed with the staff at the hospital. That's twice in less than a week that Keri's been dragged off the suspension bridge and taken back to the unit, and she's not kidding around. The police know that! They wanted to know how a patient detained on a section on a secure ward was able to 'escape' so often. In their view, Jane said that the police had said Keri needed to be kept in the hospital and institutionalised (aka living in hospital for the rest of her life). Everyone knows that won't happen but Keri was shocked to hear it anyway. They were a bit dodgy about letting Keri home for her birthday on some leave with her foster parents but phoned Keri's foster mum to discuss it. As long as everything is okay this end, it won't be a problem. The staff found the hoody her brother had got her hilarious. Jane turned round and said "In all my years I've heard all the jokes about mental health but I've never heard that one before!"

Like I said earlier, they did let her out after ward round with Jane. That's only because Keri still feels like a walking bruise. The staff did joke about tying their shoelaces to Keri's but in all seriousness they were quite edgy about letting her out.

And finally, Keri's iPhone has now arrived! Security brought it up to the unit this evening. It's so complicated! I'm leaving Keri to deal with that. I've only just gotten the hang of using her iPad let alone that thing! Her mum and mum's partner are visiting tomorrow with some small presents (some are in the post as they didn't know whether they were going to be able to see her for her birthday).

DAY 84 (12 weeks) - 30th October, Wednesday

Keri was actually up before 9am! She was told to get up and go to the clinic room to get her medication. Obviously after she'd done this she was out of bed and awake. 

A bloody tribunal doctor came to see Keri to say that her application to withdraw her tribunal had been denied! Even in the circumstances! Keri made it quite clear that there was no point in sorting the tribunal out as she'd refuse to go anyway. So that tribunal is screwed up, which means she can't have another one within this six months that she's sectioned, technically seven months as the month on a section 2 doesn't count towards the six months on a section 3. I thought the doctor was very rude to Keri actually. Obnoxious and arrogant are two words that spring to mind, she seemed to think she was more important than everyone else.

Straight afterwards, literally, Fiona turned up and had a session with Keri. She's getting even more fed up with people talking about her future and she's annoyed about all her leave being taken away as she doesn't want to be kept safe. Like her friend Megan said to her when she was texting earlier, Keri's a "determined little fuck". I couldn't have said it better myself! Now Keri's got it in her head that the only way out is the suspension bridge there's no way she can distract herself. She's thinking more and more, planning in more and more detail, it's actually freaking the crap out of me because, sooner rather than later, she's going to succeed.

Her mum and partner visited today. They told Keri they had some small presents but Keri didn't class them as small! Even just a visit from them was enough for her! She got some doc martin boots from her mum (from a friend except Keri's mum can't fit in them!), lots of iced coffee, cigarettes, brownies and also a fab watch which Keri had her eye on when she saw her mum wearing something similar. Keri now has two watches which she's quite happy with. She's obsessed with time. They had a good chat but the visit took a downhill drop when Keri asked staff if she was allowed out. She wanted to go to tesco and take Amos out for a walk but the staff said she wasn't allowed any leave. This got Keri real annoyed. Luckily, an ex patient who Keri met last time she was here had come to visit. Keri recognised her but didn't say anything at first just in case she'd forgotten who Keri was but she knew her straight away and they had a good chat, she even stood and chatted with Keri, Keri's mum and her partner for a bit. According to Keri she looked a lot better than the last time she was here. I wouldn't know, I never met her. Keri got cheered up a bit but hated it when it was time for them to go. With a box of coke cans and lots of doggy kisses from Amos (they brought him to the entrance to the unit to say goodbye again) they said goodbye and left. It'll probably be the last time she sees them until after court, that's if Keri doesn't go off her nut.

Considering the cabin fever Keri's been very good at trying to keep her stress levels down. There are some patients that aren't helpful at all when it comes to that but she hasn't tried scaling the fence. She's desperate to go home for a bit, I just hope she holds out enough to be able to get back to the hospital again. I'd hate to see her suddenly panic or get agitated and having to be brought back to the unit by the police rather than her foster carers. That's the problem at the moment, Keri's on constant red alert which means panic mode can kick in pretty quick, which means she doesn't think about what she's doing, and she's been saying really random things again this evening; not very often but it's kinda weird. I just wish her the best for tomorrow, or today, it's her birthday now! So happy hallowe'en  and happy birthday Keri! Love all of us! :)