Sectioned in Hospital - Day 148

Written by Fox.

DAY 148 - 2nd January, Thursday

Keri was determined to try getting up early but it just didn't happen. She didn't get up until gone 1 and that was because one of the staff said she was due to start her physio again today at 2pm. 

The physio has decided to start afresh with Keri as there's so many problems with her physically! Let alone mentally! Today she focused on Keri's ankles and said that the problem could be that a muscle in her ankles keeps flicking over the bone, or it could be a small triangular piece of bone that most people don't have but some people are born with in their ankles. The only way to find this out is through having an X-ray but the physio is going to do some more tests with Keri to see which of her theories is most likely. Either way it means Keri's ankles are in need of long term treatment.

Keri's mum and "her partner" (they took the mick out of me for using that phrase today!) visited Keri today. It was a late Christmas. Keri gave them her presents which included some jewellery and a book that Keri had received from her foster carers on her birthday called The Stranger Inside. Keri thought her mum would be interested in reading it so bought her a copy! She also got John some special kayaking socks. Weird if you ask me! Keri received her usual chocolate from 'Rudolph' and got some really nice gifts. She now has a coffee machine sat on her bedside table and speakers that spray spouts of water in sync with the music it's plugged into! Keri loved the coffee from the machine and hopefully that means it'll help to get her out of bed. She's also currently listening to a song on her iPod that she's hooked up to the water speakers. I'm listening to it. There's got to be an undertone there. It's a song by Nickelback called 'Lullaby' which is basically about suicide and giving life a second chance. David put it on and let Keri back out while lying on her bed. He's put it on repeat so the song is playing again and again. It's almost like David is singing it to Keri. She hasn't turned it off so maybe that's a good thing? I don't know. My brain isn't working! I'm too tired!

David's running out of ideas on how to dissuade Sally from helping Keri with the whole suicide thing, even getting down to the last resort about saying how terrible the weather is! I'm not sure how things are going to pan out. His first argument was to ask that she let Keri see her foster parents first but Sally hates them! That part of the argument wasn't too productive! It's turned into heated conversation now rather than Sally agreeing fairly calmly over the fact New Years Day was a bank holiday...

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 137

Written by Fox.

DAY 137 - 22nd December, Sunday

Keri's had quite a reasonably settled day today. She woke up in a terrible mood but decided to go out on leave anyway to get some last minute Christmas goodies. To her surprise, when she got back her foster parents were sat in the office! It was really nice of them to come down to see her and Keri perked up a little bit. There were a lot of fake smiles but there were at least a few that were genuine. That's better than nothing. And she didn't burst into tears while she was with them either, which is also a bonus. Hopefully Simon can sort something out about Keri's Christmas leave. Keri may hate Christmas but she doesn't want to be spending it in hospital. If she's not allowed leave then they really think that'll stop her getting a taxi to her foster parents anyway? 

She's finished all her wrapping now. Until tomorrow when some last minute presents should be arriving. It took her hours. In the end I came out and did some of it as I was getting frustrated myself watching her do it so OCD-ed!

There's a sense of badness with us at the moment. Something bad is going to happen tomorrow, but I don't know what. All I do know is that it's tomorrow. Keri feels something bad but can't put her finger on anything. We were quite upset earlier this evening when Keri went to visit Lime Unit to drop off a present for a patient as she was talking to a nurse about how she was lucky to still be in Alder and not been moved back. The nurse actually turned around and said that Alder had been in contact asking for Keri to be moved back as they couldn't manage and the only reason she hasn't been moved is because there's no beds available! What?! Why did we have to find out that way? Even so, hopefully Keri can get things sorted with Simon, the ward manager, tomorrow. That's if things don't start kicking off early in the day :/

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 83 & 84 (12 weeks)

Written by Fox.

DAY 83 - 29th October, Tuesday

Keri started her day with a visit from her little brother. He brought her birthday presents with him, and she opened them even though her birthday isn't until Thursday! He got her a great hoody that has written on the front "If one of my multiple personalities wants to kill themselves, is it classed as a hostage situation?" And on the back it says "Guess who I am today". It's great. He also got her the first series of Bad Education which has Jack Whitehall in it, she's a big fan. She also got given a parcel and a letter from staff, the parcel contained her onesie from her aunt and uncle (which she loves to pieces!) which even includes a hood with ears on! And then a card from her mum's dad which contained a cheque which she wasn't expecting!

Half way through her visit she got a surprise when her foster mum came in and she'd brought her sister and niece to see Keri too. They live in Worthing and sometimes come down for a few days to stay with Keri's foster mum. They had a good laugh and a chat. At some points Keri was wondering what the point was in putting on a smiley face but she kept at it anyway. Even though she's still suicidal, she did like the fact that they'd visited (although Keri's foster mum's niece is obsessed with a song called Baby Monkey, riding backwards on a pig?!).

Once they'd all left she kept herself in her room as she wasn't allowed out. The HDU garden was kept locked for most of the day until a member of staff was sat down doing paperwork in the HDU office. She didn't bother using the garden though, she only really goes out there when she's thinking of scaling the fence.

Her ward round wasn't until nearly 6pm! For some reason they'd gone on longer than usual and Keri ended up having her ward round in her bedroom! All of Keri's leave has been taken away, including escorted leave (however they made an exception afterwards so Keri could get some food for Clari and staff took her over). Jane, one of the nurses in the ward round, said that she was going to have to talk to the police later that evening to tell the sergeant about the plan of action as the police are really annoyed with the staff at the hospital. That's twice in less than a week that Keri's been dragged off the suspension bridge and taken back to the unit, and she's not kidding around. The police know that! They wanted to know how a patient detained on a section on a secure ward was able to 'escape' so often. In their view, Jane said that the police had said Keri needed to be kept in the hospital and institutionalised (aka living in hospital for the rest of her life). Everyone knows that won't happen but Keri was shocked to hear it anyway. They were a bit dodgy about letting Keri home for her birthday on some leave with her foster parents but phoned Keri's foster mum to discuss it. As long as everything is okay this end, it won't be a problem. The staff found the hoody her brother had got her hilarious. Jane turned round and said "In all my years I've heard all the jokes about mental health but I've never heard that one before!"

Like I said earlier, they did let her out after ward round with Jane. That's only because Keri still feels like a walking bruise. The staff did joke about tying their shoelaces to Keri's but in all seriousness they were quite edgy about letting her out.

And finally, Keri's iPhone has now arrived! Security brought it up to the unit this evening. It's so complicated! I'm leaving Keri to deal with that. I've only just gotten the hang of using her iPad let alone that thing! Her mum and mum's partner are visiting tomorrow with some small presents (some are in the post as they didn't know whether they were going to be able to see her for her birthday).

DAY 84 (12 weeks) - 30th October, Wednesday

Keri was actually up before 9am! She was told to get up and go to the clinic room to get her medication. Obviously after she'd done this she was out of bed and awake. 

A bloody tribunal doctor came to see Keri to say that her application to withdraw her tribunal had been denied! Even in the circumstances! Keri made it quite clear that there was no point in sorting the tribunal out as she'd refuse to go anyway. So that tribunal is screwed up, which means she can't have another one within this six months that she's sectioned, technically seven months as the month on a section 2 doesn't count towards the six months on a section 3. I thought the doctor was very rude to Keri actually. Obnoxious and arrogant are two words that spring to mind, she seemed to think she was more important than everyone else.

Straight afterwards, literally, Fiona turned up and had a session with Keri. She's getting even more fed up with people talking about her future and she's annoyed about all her leave being taken away as she doesn't want to be kept safe. Like her friend Megan said to her when she was texting earlier, Keri's a "determined little fuck". I couldn't have said it better myself! Now Keri's got it in her head that the only way out is the suspension bridge there's no way she can distract herself. She's thinking more and more, planning in more and more detail, it's actually freaking the crap out of me because, sooner rather than later, she's going to succeed.

Her mum and partner visited today. They told Keri they had some small presents but Keri didn't class them as small! Even just a visit from them was enough for her! She got some doc martin boots from her mum (from a friend except Keri's mum can't fit in them!), lots of iced coffee, cigarettes, brownies and also a fab watch which Keri had her eye on when she saw her mum wearing something similar. Keri now has two watches which she's quite happy with. She's obsessed with time. They had a good chat but the visit took a downhill drop when Keri asked staff if she was allowed out. She wanted to go to tesco and take Amos out for a walk but the staff said she wasn't allowed any leave. This got Keri real annoyed. Luckily, an ex patient who Keri met last time she was here had come to visit. Keri recognised her but didn't say anything at first just in case she'd forgotten who Keri was but she knew her straight away and they had a good chat, she even stood and chatted with Keri, Keri's mum and her partner for a bit. According to Keri she looked a lot better than the last time she was here. I wouldn't know, I never met her. Keri got cheered up a bit but hated it when it was time for them to go. With a box of coke cans and lots of doggy kisses from Amos (they brought him to the entrance to the unit to say goodbye again) they said goodbye and left. It'll probably be the last time she sees them until after court, that's if Keri doesn't go off her nut.

Considering the cabin fever Keri's been very good at trying to keep her stress levels down. There are some patients that aren't helpful at all when it comes to that but she hasn't tried scaling the fence. She's desperate to go home for a bit, I just hope she holds out enough to be able to get back to the hospital again. I'd hate to see her suddenly panic or get agitated and having to be brought back to the unit by the police rather than her foster carers. That's the problem at the moment, Keri's on constant red alert which means panic mode can kick in pretty quick, which means she doesn't think about what she's doing, and she's been saying really random things again this evening; not very often but it's kinda weird. I just wish her the best for tomorrow, or today, it's her birthday now! So happy hallowe'en  and happy birthday Keri! Love all of us! :)