Sectioned in Hospital - 1 year 30 days

Written by Fox.

Wow, I didn't realise it had been so long since I wrote a post. I've almost forgotten how to blog! Sorry for the lack of posts but we've been pretty preoccupied with Sally. Since last posting she's now come out a few times and staff have had to restrain her, inject her and put her in seclusion until me and David are able to get Keri back out again, which is normally only possible right now if Sally's a bit drugged up. Luckily they have an intramuscular injection written on her chart in case of these emergencies.

Her eating? She was doing very well. She even managed to get her weight up to 50kg which, according to staff and the dietician is a perfect weight for her. Though because her BMI wasn't under 17.5 and is now in the healthy range she's now extremely annoyed that they haven't taken the eating disorder label away and have said she's bulimic instead! She thought it would disappear and the staff wouldn't think about it anymore. Unfortunately quite recently Keri's eating has got progressively worse and the only time she eats is after a severe flashback or panic attack and she needs sugar (I don't know about you guys but that's what Keri's body craves after that kind of thing happens).

Keri's section has now been renewed. Considering it's now the third Section 3 she's detained on this one doesn't have to be renewed for another twelve months whereas the first two were only six months each. No one has any idea where Keri is going or what treatment she's having. She's had a medium secure assessment and a forensic assessment, both of which have ended up in written reviews which will be discussed at Keri's CPA on Tuesday. She's terrified as all of this has been done behind her back. She wasn't even told about the assessments until an hour before any of them arrived (which were only four days apart!). Her psychiatrist will have the letters they've all written and a decision should be made during the part of the CPA Keri isn't allowed into. The forensic assessment didn't go very well and Keri got more and more passive aggressive the more she got annoyed. In the end she called the guy retarded and incompetent and then walked out...

Her bathroom is being kept locked due to her strong suicidal intent (she tried to kill herself with a ligature but thankfully staff stopped her). Since then her bathroom is locked unless she's supervised, which means any toilet or shower requests are done with a member of staff (female normally) standing just by the door. During the day she also keeps her bedroom door open as she's on ten minute obs and if something happens during those ten minutes the staff will hear. This is also the case at night and on the rare occasion that Keri does actually fall asleep the staff close the door until she wakes up. She was on one to one during night hours for a while but is slowly being weaned off depending on the situation. The situation at the moment isn't great as for the last four days she's had less than three hours sleep each night and is in severe sleep deprivation mode which the staff have noticed. It's got to the point that even though Keri is on the maximum dose of her antipsychotics she's started hallucinating again. It freaked her out so much this evening that she's been sat with staff talking about it and actually stayed out of her room for a whole three hours! Unbelievable isn't it?

The good thing is Keri is getting out each day to have a Costa, normally with one of her most trusted members of staff, she is still getting to see her brother who visits every week, she has 24 hour support from the staff and they've taken precautions to stop her doing serious harm to herself (which isn't a good thing in Keri's eyes but it is in mine!). I'm hoping to start blogging more now as I'm getting stressed trying to help David with Sally and this is my only way to vent. I know it's my safest way too as it not only gives people an insight into the life of someone with D.I.D. and other mental illnesses but it's safe for me to do on my own as Keri doesn't read any of the blog posts. I hope you guys are okay. We are definitely struggling but taking one day at a time as we're worried about our foster family too. Our foster mum had pneumonia and is slowly recovering, her foster dad has injured his back, one of her older foster brothers had an operation on his knee, and her other older foster brother had his business ruined when some selfish idiots went and robbed his place and stole all his motorbikes, quad bikes, tools, aka anything that was valuable and they could get their dirty little hands on.

To those that are also struggling, Keri is repetitively listening to a song by Nickelback. It's called Lullaby. It reminds her of people that care about her and sometimes she's listening as if those people are singing it to her, like her foster family or her brother. 

Keri is now seriously freaked by 'walking ghosts'. She's going to be on one to one with a member of staff soon after they get her a hot chocolate so I'm quickly adding this on. She thinks she's seeing dead people. Very upsettingly she's seeing a six year old girl who is claiming to be her dead daughter and asking Keri "Why did you let him kill me?" Keri, me, David and some others know about the story behind this but I'm not going to tell it. Both for legal reasons and from the point I really don't want to go there. What I can say is even though it's making Keri cry it's one of the first times I've seen Sally on the verge of tears as well. With a psychotherapy appointment booked tomorrow, everything could end up like an explosion, that's if Keri doesn't refuse to see her psychotherapist or if she does see her, actually listen to a word she's saying instead of sitting there in a dissociative trance... Let's just say Keri hasn't found her therapy sessions very useful recently and is starting to just disengage with everyone and deny that she even exists. 😞

Sectioned in Hospital - 5 months 4 days

Written by Fox.

DAY 158 - 12th January, Sunday

Keri was actually up before midday! She wanted to go back to sleep but her headache had gotten pretty bad. Her depression was telling her not to get up. She's still suicidal but doesn't want to do anything while she's on one to one observation. Sally hasn't come out today but Keri's head has just been getting worse and worse. If she doesn't come out this evening then it's got to be tomorrow or something. There's only so long Sally can control herself before she explodes.

Because of her headache and feeling tense, Keri's started rocking quite a lot and pacing around quite quickly. There's a lot of nervous energy that she needs to let out but she still feels tired. She doesn't went to pace yet does anyway because she can't help it. She'd prefer to be sat in her room watching movies, huddled in bed rather than feeling compelled to sit there rocking back and forwards.

Keri's illness that she had yesterday has triggered off her disordered eating again. She had a nice hot meal last night when her stomach stopped rejecting all food but then woke up this morning and decided this was the time she was going to get back down to her 'target weight'. She's even gotten to the point where she's going on a forum promoting disordered eating behaviours. She's been a member since last year but forgot about it when her eating wasn't so bad. Now she's back on it and has already joined a group of people who are going to start a fast tomorrow. Keri's already fasted today so she's getting in a head start there. I don't want her becoming really underweight again. She's already been on the brink of fainting today! Luckily she's stuck to Guitar Hero and hasn't started all her exercise yet.

Keri had a one to one with Matt and they went through my blog. Then Matt decided to have a go on Keri's Guitar Hero! He's never played it before and didn't get through a single song without getting booed off stage which I found quite funny. Giving him credit though, he did pretty well considering he's never played it before! But still terrible. That's the basis of Keri's exercise at the moment, standing up for so long though makes her dizzy. If the physiotherapist turns up tomorrow there's no way she's going to be able to take Keri to the gym to do her exercises, that's if she can get Keri to say yes anyway! Does the almost-fainting urge Keri to eat something? No. She sees it as a sign that she's doing well and losing weight. WHY CAN'T SHE UNDERSTAND SHE IS NOT FAT. She's either starving herself or deliberately making herself sick. Can't we find a happy medium? Apparently not. 

Hopefully we'll have good news tomorrow whatever comes out of this review thing. Everyone's still unclear about what on earth is going on with Keri, her placement and her obs levels. That'll be interesting tomorrow if she gets her leave all given back. May as well give Sally a free ticket to do what she wants and give Keri a suicide ticket. They can't keep her on this level of obs permanently though. It totally defeats the object of a rehabilitation unit. If the worst comes to the worst she'll be sent back to either the acute ward or the secure ward. 

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 59 & 60

DAY 59 - 5th October, Saturday

Keri didn't even bother getting up until the staff turned up at her door when it was nearing 2pm saying that her mum and her mum's partner had arrived to visit her! They were here for a good 3 hours and even went to the supermarket for a bit. They got Keri a nice new case for her iPad which she's very grateful for. They chatted loads and her mum said that the next time they visited they'd bring their dog, Amos, and go out for a walk around the hospital's nature reserve with him. He loves water and there's a pond up there! Keri's mum said he goes straight for water whenever he sees it! Overall it was actually a good visit although, as always, Keri gets all these guilty horrible feelings afterwards that stem from past experiences etc. So it's the after effects people worry about mostly. 

Luckily Keri has been fine for the rest of the evening and spent a lot of time playing pool; either practising by herself or going against other patients. She's getting fairly good at it actually! Of course Keri still felt depressed, she has been for a while, but she at least forced herself to spend time in the communal areas.

Later that evening some of the patients even went down to the sports hall to play badminton. Keri was the only one who didn't take a rest! She was getting more and more competitive and was constantly thinking "burn calories, burn calories, burn calories". On the bright side Keri had an apple this evening as she was to the point where she was going to faint in the middle of the hospital. Her mum brought in a bag of six of them! So Keri had one and then put the rest in a bowl to share with the other patients. I didn't think they'd be eaten but apparently a lot of the patients have a taste for a good apple! Especially the red ones!

With all the time Keri's spent playing over an hour of badminton and playing pool most of the day I'm surprised she's still awake. It's about 3.30am now and Keri's not even got changed. She's not tired at all. It seems like the more exercise she does during the day the more restless she is at night. Weird paradox.

DAY 60 - 6th October, Sunday

Considering Keri didn't go to bed until way past 4am she refused to get out of bed until after 3pm. I don't blame her. She's hit a really bad patch of depression, and it's only going to get worse as the court case gets closer. It's less than a month away now and I honestly couldn't tell you whether she's going to be able to give evidence. She might have committed suicide by the time the court case is supposed to begin.

Well, she's back to eating absolutely nothing again and has been playing a lot of pool. She's realised that playing pool burns a fair amount of calories compared to sitting and watching movies etc. That's all she's thinking about! Just... calories, and suicide. What a horrible brain to be in. I hope to god she doesn't get let out on leave over the next few days, not with the way she's feeling right this second. Even though she's feeling horrible she did get out her iPad today and went onto the ward and took some pictures of some of the good times she has with various patients; obviously with the patient's consent. Some of the photos are pretty good and I'm glad Keri has them, it proves that being in hospital doesn't mean that it has to be a constant state of depression all the time with people always sitting in corners crying. Sometimes, we can have a laugh. Laughter is the best medicine.

Good luck getting up tomorrow, Keri! Your psychotherapy appointment is at 12.30pm! Have fun getting out of bed for that one! Haha,, ;)

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 58

Written by Fox.

DAY 58 - 4th October, Friday

Keri was woken up from her hibernation by the doctor who wanted to take Keri's blood to check her electrolyte balances and her iron levels, this is because Keri has now not eaten for a week. The staff are starting to get very concerned. The physiotherapist has had to cut down all their exercises (she turned up today) because she doesn't want Keri fainting in the middle of the workout. If Keri carries on then the physiotherapist said she was unprepared to carry on with the exercises until Keri actually ate something. She hasn't stuck to the dieticians' agreed plan of eating an apple every day. She's eaten nothing, yet again. The amount of water she's drinking is unbelievable though.

Alice, one of the hospital managers, spoke to Keri today about her complaint against Bitch. She said she was still taking it seriously and if there was a chance Bitch could end up back on the ward then it would be discussed with Keri first and, if needed, precautions would be put into place; but that's unlikely to happen in the foreseeable future.

I can't say much about Keri's psychotherapy session today besides the fact the the main topic was to do with the fact she was starving herself. I decided to just leave them to talk as I'd gone off looking for David. I've heard Keri being lectured so many times now that I'm getting bored with it! Why can't she just listen to people and eat something? Even the rest of us are too scared to eat anything because Keri will go ballistic! Even a mouthful of food will start her digestive system back up which means she'll feel hungry again, so even if we try to sneakily eat something, she'll know we had because she'll feel the hunger coming back!

Unescorted leave? That was rubbish. She had her one to one session as planned and they let her out. According to the nurse he said he knew she could do it. So Keri went out, grabbed her coffee, then saw the guys who are supposedly following her and freaked out when they started shouting at her. She didn't even pay for the coffee. Panic set in and she didn't think. She just walked through the checkouts and out the door with the box of coffee sachets still in her hand. She sprinted back to the unit and then ended up out in the garden having a panic attack, and then realising she had the coffee in her hand! That unescorted leave hasn't helped her, it's made her paranoia worse!

Tonight was dominated with a lot of pool, except it was Keri playing it this time. You could tell as Clarissa had lots of practice and played brilliantly last night. Keri hasn't played for ages and is terrible! Even the other patients noticed the change although Keri just said she was having an off day. There's no point in her sitting and wasting her breath over explaining about us and her disorder. In fact, she hasn't told any of the other patients why she's here. Partly because she still doesn't think she's ill and thinks it's normal to drill a hole through her skull. One of the patients is getting to Keri, she's much like Lucinda (who was discharged a while ago); manic, loud, too noisy and overall just annoying! I can't say I like her much myself either.

Well, Keri's had her medication but has spent a good portion of the last hour or two at the staff desk being fascinated by Andrex and his magic tricks! He's a pretty good magician. Not as good as Dynamo though - although Andrex says he apparently taught Dynamo everything he knows!

Keri's mum and her mum's partner are coming to visit Keri tomorrow. I doubt she'll even be out of bed when they arrive. I'm sure they'll understand and won't mind waiting five minutes while Keri dumps some clothes on. We got really confused as Jay came out and said they'd had a phone call from Keri's mum and that she was visiting tomorrow. It took a while for everyone to figure out that it was Keri's birth mum, not her foster mum! Gets confusing as the staff call Keri's foster mum 'Keri's mum'! Let's see how that goes tomorrow. I think Keri's off to go and watch some more magic tricks! Her and Andrex seem to end up smoking at the same time outside, it's like they're synced together. It's a bit weird. Like when women live together their periods are supposedly supposed to sync and all be at the same time? I wouldn't want to be in an all woman's house at that time of the month if that's true! Ouch.

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 57

Written by Fox.

DAY 57 - 3rd October, Thursday

What a brilliant start to the day for me. Keri woke up to see two dieticians standing at the door, haha! The look on her face was a picture. She just looked at them, covered her her eyes and went, "Oh shit!". Obviously they're concerned about the amount of weight Keri is losing, which proves the unit must keep a record somewhere. The nurse yesterday must've just not bothered looking. 

Keri was very clear that she wasn't happy to eat anything otherwise she wouldn't lose as much weight as she'd like. One of them decided to ask whether they could do an experiment. The experiment was that Keri was to eat an apple every day and if she hasn't lost the amount of weight she'd like to then the dieticians will try something else to persuade her to eat. Keri was supposed to start with eating an apple today but hasn't, instead she's exercised and smoked more. She should stick to it to be honest. An apple a day keeps the dietician away! They're seeing her next Thursday, so instead of her being weighed on the Tuesday they'll wait an extra two days so that the dietician can weigh her instead and record it.

Keri somehow ended up with yet another medical student sat in her room questioning Keri about her DID. Keri's given up saying no now. She's decided that if she has any purpose in life then it's to teach others about dissociative disorders, especially DID. The student actually said that the doctor had sat with Keri to ask questions because she had to do a presentation about Keri! She's famous! Well, anonymously famous, but still famous.

One of the conditions for Keri to go out unescorted is that she needs to have a one to one session beforehand which she did with Cat. Keri wanted to go to the supermarket on her own. During the one to one session Cat decided that it wasn't a good idea for Keri to go out alone. This was because Keri was talking about her panic with the people following her (which she still hasn't realised are paranoid hallucinations). In the end one of the staff went to the supermarket for her and Keri was allowed out with Jack and Denny. They both have unescorted leave and the staff were happy with Keri going out knowing she was with two other patients on ground leave. Keri still felt very anxious but she was slightly reassured by the fact she had two bulky guys to protect her if the guys following her decided to attack or 'punish' her.

Clarissa was out for a while with Keri. They were coconscious so Keri found herself doing things she wouldn't normally be doing. She ended up dying her hair and also spent a lot of time socialising and I lost track of the amount of times Keri felt compelled to play pool. She's gone back to isolating herself now but has at least had a good laugh with some of the night staff. Night medication sorted. Keri actually spent 8 full hours asleep, waking up a couple of times but settling again quickly. That's due to the lack of food, so there is a small bonus with her starving herself; she's sleeping.

Oh yeah! And Keri's found out her tribunal date. It's on 31st October! Her 20th birthday! Knew that was going to happen. But hopefully she'll be allowed to visit her foster parents and go to their house for a few hours so she's not stuck in hospital all day. That would be horrible for her.

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 56

Written by Fox.

DAY 56 (8 weeks) - 2nd October, Wednesday

The staff came into Keri's room before 9am this morning to give her her morning medication. They've never come in that early before! Luckily Keri normally wakes up at around 7 or 8am but just refuses to get out of bed. I don't blame her. She's got nothing to get up for. She didn't get up until gone 3pm as she's extremely drained as she hasn't eaten for 5 days. I think her Duracell batteries are running out! 

The staff have obviously realised Keri isn't eating as she was out smoking after getting up and one of the nurses came out and he sat down and gave her a food chart that she has to fill in. He said that normally the staff fill them in but they want her to be able to try and do it herself. What's the point? All she's got to put on there is... nothing. This guy actually turned round and said "You can't be eating nothing or you'd be losing an obvious amount of weight". Do they not check their records or even write down Keri's weight? I think 2.5kg in a week is a significant amount of weight to lose! If they had that on record then they'd have figured out she wasn't eating days ago.

The same guy asked her whether she'd had anything to eat this evening when he was giving her her 6pm medication.

"Yeah, I had roast chicken, pudding and egg on toast," Keri said.

"Oh good," he said. "Did it taste good? Well, hospital food I guess it's alright."

He actually took her seriously! Is he a moron?! First thing's first, she's vegetarian. Second thing, no one even saw her eat anything at dinner in the dining room. And third, they know she has no food in her room as she hasn't been out on unescorted leave to the supermarket and they know what she buys. Even if she's unescorted she'd be searched when she got back anyway. Clearly Keri's sarcasm is getting more fluent.

Keri actually used the communal games room today! It has a pool table and a table tennis table in there. She had a couple of games of pool, one with the staff and then again with a patient because she won. She got her arse kicked by Denny though when she played him! He's had a lot of practise since being admitted.

1am medication taken and still awake. Keri sat out in the garden with Jack (pseudo name) for a good couple of hours chatting until gone 2am. Now they've both retreated to their rooms. Jack is likely going to sleep whereas Keri is sitting watching stuff on her laptop and drinking water (obviously not now as I'm here!). Speaking of which she's drank an awful lot of water today. Keeping away the hunger pangs and stopping herself from getting ill from dehydration? I've definitely noticed my throat is seriously dry! It feels like it's on fire! She's going to relapse back into anorexia again. We really don't need that complication. On the bright side, because she hasn't eaten she's pretty exhausted so it looks like her sleep might start getting better. She'll end up switching to another extreme. Chronic insomnia straight to sleeping almost constantly. Without any food to keep her going and her anxiety levels being consistently high I can't see her carrying on pacing and not sleeping for much longer...

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 53, 54 & 55

Written by Fox.

DAY 53 - 29th September, Sunday

Not much really happened today as it was quite quiet. Keri sat up with one of the other patients for a while when they couldn't sleep. It helped them but not her! So she didn't get up until nearly 3pm. She hasn't eaten again today so that's two days without food. Really isn't going to help her mood! But she's determined to lose weight again. When her dose of antipsychotics was put up, on two occasions in a month, she put on weight (which is what happened when she was first put on them) which meant she'd managed to get her body to a 'healthy' weight which she is NOT happy with. She thinks losing the weight will improve her mood and get her confidence up but all it's really going to do is make her relapse into her bloody eating disorder. 

Bitch has actually left Keri alone today. She made a big song and dance with the other patients about the bruises Keri had left on Bitch's face when they had a fight. Keri didn't worry though, she hasn't got a single bruise on her! She definitely knows how to stand up for herself and not be beaten up in the process. I have to congratulate Sally on that one, she did well teaching Keri all that.

Keri's foster mum visited which was really good for Keri. She brought Keri most of her DVDs, in a suitcase! She's only just managed to fit them onto one of her shelves in her room! I hope the room in rehab is big enough for Keri's stuff, that's if we get to rehab! I was asleep for most of Keri's foster mum's visit so I don't know about much of what was said. I know Keri was glad about the visit but I'm sensing something odd happening with Keri's feelings towards them. The relationship seems... I really don't know but it's changing because of Keri's depression. I know a lot of us miss her foster carers and are desperate to go back home to them but it's not going to happen. Maybe that's what I'm sensing with Keri. Maybe it's setting in that she really can't go and live at home after she's discharged. Part of her still thinks it's a con.

Another unsettling night and I'm fed up with it! The medication Keri's being given should be knocking her unconscious but it doesn't seem to be touching her. Instead, the rest of us (besides Sally) are feeling the effects instead! I didn't even think about that until Keri's foster mum pointed it out. How we can stop that happening I don't know the answer. Maybe her art psychotherapist can help her out with that...

DAY 54 - 30th September, Monday

What a busy day! And good news! One of the hospital managers came into Keri's room this morning while she was still in bed and told her that Bitch has been moved to a different ward! Joyous days!

Keri's little brother also visited this morning! She even managed to get out of bed before 11am, but he didn't turn up until half an hour later. Gave her a chance to have a couple of coffees and smoke though so she was pretty much awake by the time him and his support worker got here. They spent most of their time out in the garden. I've never known two people who can chat so much... Surely you run out of things to say?! But no, they seem to jump from topic to topic, joking about some seriously random stuff and overall it was good. He told Keri that she has his full support when she has to go to court in November. This upset Keri a little bit. She's really glad that she's got his support but part of her thought "if you fully support me, why did you ruin it all last time?". She does have a valid point unfortunately. On the plus side, she's building her relationship with him again; still having dodgy delusional thoughts about him being a demon though. Another thing Keri should talk about to her psychotherapist.

Then at 12.30pm, Keri's care coordinator, plus her student, arrived to talk to Keri. So Keri had to say goodbye to her brother and his support worker and then move straight on to talking to her care coordinator. They only had a quick chat as her care coordinator has to have a report written up to give in to Keri's tribunal and the deadline is today. Her care coordinator was honest and said if the tribunal would be held tomorrow then it's doubtful they'd even get close to wanting to discharge her. Although no one has been given a date for it yet. It could be in a month, a lot can change in a month, except the problem with that is it'll be her birthday on Halloween, and court on 4th November so they better hurry up with it! The closer it gets to that court date the worse she's going to feel.

Off they went and then Keri's psychotherapist arrived at about 1.15pm for their appointment. The whole session was focused mainly on Keri's suicidal thoughts so I decided to take a nap for a bit while they had their appointment. I woke up to find Keri watching a movie in her room and it was nearly 3pm. On the desk was a letter written by Keri's psychotherapist to David. She wants him to be at the appointment on Friday instead of Keri. Wait, that sounds bad. It's not that she doesn't want to see Keri, but she knows David may be able to help her work something out so we don't all end up dead as we're all tired of all this. The problem is David still hasn't come back and I've been searching for him. Maybe I will have better luck finding him tomorrow.

Then at just gone 3pm Keri had to go with the physiotherapist down to the gym. Bare in mind she hasn't eaten for 3 days, she had to do all her core exercises and her joint exercises. Keri had to tell the physio that she hadn't eaten because she normally starts with a warm up on the exercise bike for five minutes, but after two minutes Keri felt like she was going to faint. She didn't specify this, she just said she hadn't eaten. Keri cut the warm up short and did the exercises with the physio and the student (everyone seems to have students with them at the moment!). The physio was very careful to make sure Keri didn't do the usual exercises and cut them down a bit because she didn't want Keri collapsing. 

A nice trip to the supermarket with a member of staff in the evening got her off the ward; coke, cigarettes, coffee and gum. That's her diet at the moment. Healthy isn't it? If she carries on then she's going to end up like a caffeinated skeleton with lung cancer. That doesn't work as skeletons don't have lungs but you get my point. All she's doing is starting to distance herself from people. She's finding it very hard to find any hope or trust in people. It's actually quite devastating to be inside her head and watch helplessly while everything is slowly breaking down and there's nothing I can do.

Even though she got up early this morning it still didn't effect the fact that she's not sleeping until 3 or 4 in the morning. I thought that without food, getting up early, extra medication, and having such an exhausting day would make her tired earlier but it's done nothing! She's reminding me of the Duracell bunny, no energy yet is still going and going and going!

DAY 55 - 1st October, Tuesday

Keri got up just before 2pm but before she was even able to get a cigarette in she was called in for ward round! The most Keri got out of it was that they're thinking of giving her unescorted leave, starting with 15 minutes ground leave on the condition that she has a one to one session before and after she goes out. Skipping ahead to this evening, she found out she had two half hour unescorted leaves a day (including off grounds)! Are they deliberately trying to sabotage Keri? If she disappears to kill herself again then it may not be so lucky that a security guard recognises her! Fucking ridiculous. Why are they doing this? Positive risk taking? Idiots!

Keri's actually spent most of her time outside smoking and talking to other patients. She's spent barely any time in her room and even sat in the communal area with some patients while most of them did a quiz and a few sat in the corner having a chat with Keri. The only times she went inside was to get cups of coffee and then to go and wash her hair while everyone else had dinner and then in to watch the quiz! 

Keri didn't do physio today. For some reason the physiotherapist didn't turn up. After telling Keri how important it was to go down to the gym with her every day, then she doesn't turn up? She probably did something like lock herself outside her house again! To be honest it's probably a good job she didn't come as Keri isn't in much of a state to exercise! She hasn't eaten for 4 days now and the staff have noticed as I heard them talking about it in the office. She was weighed today and she's lost another 2.5kg in only a week! Keri thinks that her being weighed is 'just a coincidence'. She's in denial, once again. Is there anything else you can pile on top for Keri to be in denial about?! But Keri's determined to get back to her 'target weight' - a weight she will refuse to tell any staff once they start asking questions. Even Clarissa is terrified to eat any chocolate because of how Keri will react. So it doesn't look like any food will be eaten.

I've been trying to find David again today. In fact, all of us have besides Sally. Keri lost it around midnight and hid in her bathroom because all of us were shouting for David. Because of this Keri found it way too noisy because she could hear all of us. What choice did we have? I'm not sure David will be able to do anything anyway. Maybe if he comes out and reads the letter from our psychotherapist then he'll try and at least help her think of ways to help Keri. I have no clue anymore. But Keri's had her 1am medication now, hopefully in a couple of hours she'll go to sleep. Wish us luck?