Written by Fox.
DAY 81 - 27th October, Sunday
Oh god what a week. I'm sorry I haven't been posting or anything. Been really tired and busy. Keri's been doing her therapy, avoiding the dietician, avoiding physio (besides helping out the student by being a guinea pig for her exam).
She had a visit from her mum and her mum's partner, plus his daughter, yesterday. Nice big Nemo cuddly fish. Jimmy has fallen in love with it! He's determined to try making a Nemo out of his Lego but hasn't done it yet. They also gave Keri a couple of puzzles which she finished within a few hours! They took Amos out for a walk and Keri got covered in doggy kisses when it was time to say goodbye. It was a nice visit, and Keri's mum made a point of saying that she wanted to see Keri ALIVE one more time before court.
Explaining that last point, Keri tried killing herself again on Thursday and it was way too close for comfort! She managed to get out unescorted but was reported missing. She even sat up on the hill on a bench to make sure that there was no foot traffic wandering along the suspension bridge so that she wouldn't get caught. She had no hesitation but didn't take into account how fast the security guards up there could run! So she ended up getting into a fight with the police which meant she was taken into one of the guards' offices walking bent over with her arms twisted behind her back. In the end she was brought back to the unit in the cage of a police van. She didn't really talk much about it. The staff and her foster mum made her feel guilty because they care but all she could think of was how pissed off she was over how close she'd been. She's sure she's not going to make the same mistake twice.
Today she tried getting out on her own to get back up to the bridge. She thought she'd gotten away with it as it was a temp nurse signing her out and opening the door. Keri made it about ten brisk steps out of the door before one of the nurses shouted after her and said she was coming along as the charge nurse, Vex, realised Keri had just been signed out and didn't want to risk another repeat of Thursday, which is exactly what would've happened. She even tried getting over the fence in the HDU garden this evening but because it had been raining there was no grip for her trainers which meant she ended up having medication and sitting in her room. The staff locked the door to the garden so Keri now has to smoke outside in the communal garden.
What a week! Keri's also worried about her foster mum's mum as she's quite ill. Keri felt horrible when she was told about her as her foster mum phoned Keri on the evening Keri was taken back to the unit so she was casually talking about how pissed off she was because of her suicide being ruined and then her foster mum told Keri about her mum. No one knows the time scale about how much life she has left in her: could be a day, a week, a month, a year. She has a progressive illness so everyone's been told that all they can do is make sure she's as comfortable as possible.
I know how horrible Keri feels and how determined she is to kill herself as even the guilt from everyone around her isn't effecting her as much as usual (hence the fact she tried scaling the fence today because she couldn't get out on her own unescorted...). I don't know what to do with her anymore :(
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