Sectioned in Hospital - Day 104 & 105 (15 weeks)

Written by Fox.

DAY 104 & 105 - 19th & 20th November, Tuesday & Wednesday

Sorry I couldn't write yesterday's blog post guys. Clari decided to get utterly stoned so I wasn't in much of a state to write a post! Keri had to deal with the comedown this afternoon. She went to bed just after 1 and couldn't even move until gone 2.30 in the afternoon! She even left Keri a message on the whiteboard in her room saying "keri thanks for taking the comedown today haha p.s sally said shell get you tomoz xxx". What a lovely message.

Besides that yesterday was quite quiet. It turns out that Keri didn't have a CPA after all. It was a professionals meeting. In other words it's exactly the same as a CPA except Keri's not invited; a dozen professionals thinking they know what they're talking about all gathered together talking behind our backs. No self harm though! That's a bonus. Although Keri has been getting quite agitated with this bug she thinks is crawling in her brain and has resorted to bang her head against the wall to make it stop...

But, moving on to today. Sally self harmed but Keri didn't tell anyone about it right away as she was ambushed by Brian and her psychiatrist. Keri panicked as there was blood all over her bathroom and no dressing on her wound so she quickly shut her bathroom door and put her coat on so the blood wouldn't seep through it. 

Brian and her psychiatrist sat down with Keri in an interview room to give her some feedback from the meeting they had yesterday. Sye is keeping the bed free until Keri is allowed to leave Lime Unit, so the bed is there and won't be used before she's ready to go. The problem that came up was that Keri isn't allowed to go to Alder Unit until she's at least allowed out safely on her own which isn't happening at the moment. She spent nearly two weeks confined to the ward (besides being taken to be stitched) and has only recently been out twice with staff escorted to the supermarket. She has to be carefully monitored as she tries slipping things like razor blades into her shopping basket. Brian and her psychiatrist decided to discuss unescorted leave. Starting tomorrow Keri will be allowed half an hour ground leave, on the condition she keeps her phone with her at all times. Brian is also going to make her a flash card to keep with her in case she panics saying things like "PHONE THE UNIT" or "IT WONT WORK" (this is to do with Keri trying to get to the suspension bridge). There was a lot of talk about the risks involved such as Keri's self harming, her dissociating and her urges to go to the suspension bridge. 

When she spoke to Brian later on when he was sorting the flash card he said that normally they'd wait about an hour after someone was due back before calling the police but in Keri's case it would be almost straight away so she'd have no time to get to the bridge and would be picked up before she got there. That's what he meant by the "IT WONT WORK" statement he's going to put on the flash card. They want to take some risks but they're doing it carefully due to Keri's complete lack of impulse control at the moment.

After they're conversation Keri ended up telling the staff about the self harm as she needed stitches. Her psych and Brian had asked during their session if she wanted to harm herself and she said 'no' but what they didn't realise at the time was that Sally had already self harmed immediately before speaking to them and Keri was feeling kind of numb. She ended up with more stitches in her arm but at least some were able to be taken out today so that's a bonus. Unfortunately that's another red mark on her record.

Clari is planning to get completely stoned tonight after Keri's had her sleeping tablet at about 1ish. That's why I'm writing this blog post now otherwise I won't get the chance to otherwise! The staff know Clari has been out and been smoking weed. Keri was particular about who she told and ended up telling Jewels who escorted her to the hospital. The reason she's particular is because she likes speaking to people that understand the situation, such as Keri's amnesia and her not being able to tell anyone whether Clari has a stash. Some staff members just don't understand it. Jewels has reported it to the night staff during handover so maybe Clari won't get away with is. We'll find out later!

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 65 & 66

Written by Fox.

DAY 65 - 11th October, Friday

Keri woke up just after 7am after having only two and a half hours sleep. She got up and had a cigarette and her face almost went numb when she was smoking it so she thought 'screw this' and ended up going back to bed. The dietician turned up and Keri told her to come back later as she didn't want to get out of bed. By the time she did get out of bed it was 12.30pm but Keri thought it was much later. 

Expecting a visit from the dietician again she decided to wake herself up a bit and was soon surprised to hear that the outreach worker from the fostering agency had come to visit. Bonus is this meant Keri got to get off the ward, let off some steam and have a mcdonalds strawberry milkshake! Her favourite! She did feel a bit sick afterwards as it was the most she had had in her stomach for a while but she enjoyed it none the less. Keri and the outreach worker sat out in the garden. Keri smoked while her outreach worker looked at some photos and read the email Keri had sent to the foster agency manager. Both the physio and the dietician came out while Keri was with the outreach worker and Keri brushed them off, at least until Monday. 

Keri had her session with her psychotherapist but I went to sleep during it. She did get the letter I'd asked Keri to give her though which basically said I couldn't find David yet and that Sally had changed tactics; making Keri feel ill and weak so Sally has more power. This means Keri blames it on not eating (which is obviously contributing anyway) and doesn't know what Sally is doing.

It was Clarissa's day today apparently. We've figured out she had a half an hour window to get stoned between Keri's psychotherapist leaving and Keri leaving her room to play some pool with Sheila. None of us knew at that point that Clari had smoked anything! As Keri was playing pool her vision was going a bit weird. Her eyes wouldn't focus and at one point she was seeing double. Getting a bit worried, she went to talk to Blondie and she noted how dilated Keri's pupils were and told her to go and lie down for a bit, which is what Keri did. While she was laid in bed with her music on she felt herself spinning and was getting weird sensations for an hour. During the time she was laying down Keri clocked on to the fact Clari might have taken something and what we didn't realise is that Blondie had also got a vague idea Clari had done something too (Blondie knows Keri's DID quite well). 

Keri had a game of pool with Blondie after Keri had spent some time lying down and they talked about it and Blondie mentioned how drowsy and dilated Keri's eyes were again. Keri decided to search her room with Blondie. She can't search her room on her own as if one of us has hidden something we don't want Keri to find then when she gets close to it we come out and move it to somewhere she's already looked. Blondie and Keri found a stash of weed, which Blondie took. 

On the bright side, it made Keri very hungry so Keri actually ate this evening! Overall, she's had a fairly good evening. Mick is being discharged tomorrow morning so him, Sheila and Keri all took some pictures, played pool and had a bit of fun. Keri's got his number, and he's promised to come back and visit. Keri's a bit gutted he's going but she's really happy that he's able to have some time to get his head together while he stays with his grandparents. Another long late night ahead...

DAY 66 - 12th October, Saturday

Keri refused to leave her bed until the staff ended up forcing her out of bed at 3pm as they needed to change her bed linen (done every Saturday). She hadn't been asleep but she'd been in a half coma! Probably from the aftermath of Clarissa's naughty smokes yesterday. The staff had come in and given her her two doses of meds while she'd been in bed but she was still very anxious.

She kept pacing round and round the garden. By about 5pm she decided to ask for some medication. The nurse gave her her 6pm Diazepam early to see how that would help. Unfortunately, it didn't work too well. Just after 6pm Keri was sat in her room watching her Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVDs and the next thing she knows it's nearly 7pm and she's on her bathroom floor again surrounded by blood with two more deep cuts in her arm. Yesterday it was Clarissa's day, today was obviously Sally's.

As soon as Keri saw the blood she immediately did the usual; grabbed a towel to stop the bleeding, taking deep breathes and slamming her other hand on the panic button. Seconds later and the jangling of keys was heard rushing to her room. Keri was really not in a good state and because the bleeding hadn't stopped she had to keep the towel wrapped around her arm, not very good for walking down to the clinic room in front of all the patients with a blood soaked towel wrapped around an arm. There was another debate over stitches or steri strips and thankfully they went for steri strips again but because of the tension Keri's unable to straighten out her arm properly. Cat gave her some Lorazepam and Keri went out to smoke after Cat said for her to stay in the communal areas for a while. She lasted for a couple of cigarettes before going back to her room.

Half an hour later and she was sat having a one to one session with Cat. She seemed to understand how complex the situation was getting and how horrible it is for Keri having amnesia. That's why Cat left her for half an hour before chatting to her because Keri needed to get over the panic and shock of suddenly finding herself sitting by pools of blood. That's twice in less than a week now! I think it's because of being trapped in the hospital, plus the court case is getting closer. Sally has very strong feelings about the court case. The last time we went she tried bringing a knife along but luckily Keri didn't take her handbag which is where Sally stashed it without Keri knowing. There's no way Sally can get a knife in time for the court case! 

Anyway, another long night but Keri has her Buffy DVDs to work through! Cat is going to get Keri out of bed in the morning so they can go for a ground walk and have a chat about what's going on. There wasn't much time to go through much this evening but Cat definitely understands why Keri feels suicidal right now!