Sectioned in Hospital - 5 months 5 days

Written by Fox.

DAY 159 - 13th January, Monday

Well, it's Monday, which means it's physical obs day! Keri's obs were a bit odd considering she's not been eating. Matt did her obs in the end. He noted how shallow her breathing was so her resp rate was slightly elevated. Her oxygen sats were perfect. Her blood pressure was getting a bit on the low side. Her temperature was elevated, still within the normal range but on the high end. She didn't feel feverish. If anything she felt the complete opposite! Her pulse was over 100 as usual. Her peak flow was 300, it should be above 400 at least. She was also weighed. Her plan is to fast until her next weigh in, which will be in a week when all the physical obs are done again. She also had blood taken for various reasons. I think Matt was just ticking random boxes!

So this is day 2 of Keri's fast and she's feeling very drained and getting severe abdominal pains. Normally, people would eat at that stage but Keri? It makes her even more stubborn to not eat and force herself through it. Apparently the first three days are the hardest or something like that. I don't know. Keri's the expert on all the food stuff. I personally love food, especially when it's cooked by our foster mum. I don't care about calories! Is it a crime to eat food? Well, according to Keri it is!

There were a mass of phone calls today trying to sort out management. Her observation levels have had to be kept the same; hourly checks while she's in her room and one to one whenever she's out of her room. All her leave is still suspended so Simon kindly went and got Keri some nesquik and diet coke from Tesco before he left to go home. That was nice of him.

I'm afraid I have to say it's a good job Keri's observation levels weren't changed! It was early evening and complete dark outside and Keri started hearing unknown voices. I don't know what these voices were as I'd never heard them! Plus they weren't coming from our house in Keri's head. They were coming from external things and telling Keri to kill herself, that she was worthless, that she needed to die, that if she didn't do it then someone she loves will get hurt. In the end these unknown voices (presumably auditory hallucinations) got Keri building up like a pressure cooker. Normally Keri wouldn't leave the unit if she didn't have permission but after frantically pacing out in the garden with cigarettes and Andy trying to talk to her to see if he could help, she walked straight inside through a different door to Andy and walked straight out of the front of the unit. She speed walked down the pavement and was clutching at her head shouting for these voices to shut up.

As soon as the staff saw her leave they tried calling her but she couldn't hear them over the noise. Just as she was close to getting off the grounds, two of the staff from Alder ran up to her and stood in front of her to stop her going any further. Keri was staring at the ground, listening to these voices, unresponsive to anything the staff were trying to say to her. She just stood there hyperventilating, moving from one foot to the other, completely disconnected. She was in the same state she gets in if she's found wandering aimlessly across railways without even realising she was on any.

After several minutes the staff seemed to get through to Keri that they weren't going to let her go any further. Adam was waiting at the unit to see if he could help when they managed to get Keri back. They did eventually get her walking back to the unit, still clutching at her head and not quite realising where she was walking. If a car had started driving towards her then the staff would've had to pull her out of the way. She was completely gone. 

Instead of sitting in one of the small lounges like she was told as the staff took her inside, she made her way to her room, still clutching at her head because of the noise. Adam followed her upstairs and Keri sat on her bed rocking back and forth and crying. 

"God, I just wish there was something I could do Keri," he said. "You look so distressed at the moment and I know things are really hard going for you right now."

While Adam talked, Keri started listening partially to what he was saying.

"I... need to go," she suddenly said while Adam was mid-sentence.

"Keri, we can't let you go," he said.

"They won't stop talking!" she cried. "They won't stop until I'm dead!"

"Are they pressuring you into doing these things?" Adam asked sympathetically.

With a sad glance at him she nodded. He got her some medication and Keri went down to smoke. Two staff stood outside with her while she paced up and down. They were well aware that Sally could jump the fence in a flash, so assumed Keri could do. Keri was too revved up and probably would've been able to get over as easily as Sally normally did.

Keri absconded at about 7.30pm. An hour after her Diazepam and 15 minutes after having additional medication, Lorazepam. After she was brought back she was then given - in the space of two hours - another dose of Lorazepam, Promethazine, Quetiapine, another one of her Diazepam doses and Mirtazapine. Give it 40 minutes and she'll be back downstairs having her sleeping tablet! Why is this girl not unconscious right now? 

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 142

Written by Fox.

DAY 142 - 27th December, Friday

I thought today was going to be a calm day but it didn't turn out that way. Keri's been sinking into her depression further and further. She hasn't smiled. She's barely spoken; and when she does speak her voice is flat. She hasn't laughed. She's barely socialised. She's been feeling suicidal. I think that's what triggered Sally to come out this evening.

About twenty minutes before handover Sally decided to jump the fence again. Keri had gone out to have a cigarette and dissociated while out there. What Sally didn't realise was that one of the staff saw her dart over the fence and saw the little bobbles on Keri's hat (a woolly teddy hat one of her foster brothers gave her for Christmas). Obviously they tried to phone Keri's mobile but Sally had no intention of answering. 

With more speed than she's ever had before, Sally made it to the observatory and let Keri out. Keri didn't see any sign of anyone and snuck down the path towards the bridge. She saw a police car circling so hid in the bushes until it went round on it's next circuit and was out of sight. As soon as it had gone she ran down the path and went to go on the bridge. Unfortunately for her there were two officers walking down the bridge which Keri hadn't seen. Keri didn't even manage to get onto the bridge. She saw an officer with a torch and as soon as she did she turned round and walked in the opposite direction to get around the fence to get around the other side of the bridge.

"Hey, excuse me!" said one of the officers. 

Keri ignored them, knowing they knew exactly who she was.

"Keri, don't try running," he said as Keri backed away as they walked towards her. 

She tried tricking them. She went to run for one side of the bridge so the officers darted to one side expecting to catch her, then suddenly changed direction and darted to the opposite side of the bridge. She sprinted as fast as she could and then an officer came out of nowhere and jumped at her, both of them falling to the ground and Keri being restrained by two officers on the floor. She was handcuffed as two other officers turned up, the two that had been doing their circuit.

Two of them took Keri into a car and started driving back to the hospital. Keri was rocking, talking to herself, and was unresponsive to the officers besides mumbling that she didn't want to be stopped. Halfway through the journey she managed to get off one of her cuffs. Slipping off her seat belt, she launched herself towards the front of the car as she knew the back doors were locked. The officer with her restrained her and tried to get the cuffs back on. He couldn't do it alone so the officer who was driving got out and helped get them back on again. 

"You keeping an eye on those cuffs?" the officer driving said as they were on their way again.

"Yeah, it's okay," the officer next to her said.

"Well be careful. Her wrists are so small it's hard to keep her in cuffs."

Keri remained cuffed until back at the unit. She stayed on constant observation after the police left and all the doors have been locked again. She's sat in her room on ten minute observation at the moment but still has to be on constant observation when they allow her in the garden to have a cigarette.

She's taken all her medication but she seems really out of it. I'm quite worried. She's barely responsive to anyone talking to her, she's avoiding all eye contact, she's hallucinating again, she's determined to kill herself as the depression is just eating away at her. I don't think she's going to be kept on the ward much longer. I think she's disappeared and had the police bring her back six times in less than a month. Now with the way she's presenting... I don't know. She seems to be slipping into psychosis again.

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 138

Written by Fox.

DAY 138 - 23rd December, Monday

Oh my Jesus Christ, today has not been good! It started out okay as Keri's brother came to visit her. She'd refused to get out of bed so the staff brought him upstairs and he managed to get her up, especially with the threat of chucking water on her! She had a cup by her bedside from when the staff had come in earlier to give her her medication. He brought us some presents! I haven't opened my card or anything yet as I haven't had the chance! Keri also gave him his present which she demanded he open while he was there. It was a set of headphones which he seemed to really like, and I'm not talking little things. They were £80! So she's glad he likes them.

With a headache all day she decided to risk it to go out on leave to go on a binge spree. She wasn't feeling tense and only had the nagging headache so decided to push herself. She managed to get back to the ward safely, and with her bag of food so all went well there. However during the course of the day she started getting very tense. Emma, her key nurse, gave her some Lorazepam to see if it would take the edge off. It didn't.

By the time it got to handover, Sally had decided she wanted to sabotage Keri's leave, the leave she's been working so hard to get so she can spend the day with her foster family for Christmas. During handover, Sally decided to yet again jump the fence. No one realised she was missing until about ten which gave Sally a good half an hour head start. She got to the observatory very quickly and instead of letting Keri out Sally decided to have a go at the bridge herself. When security pulled her down, Keri came out for a few minutes (although because Sally was still domineering she doesn't remember coming out). She pleaded with the guards to let her go over the fence and the police arrived very quickly as they already knew she was in the area. The police helicopter had followed Sally for about twenty minutes as she was making her way to the bridge.

As soon as the police arrived, they saw the beginning of Keri and how upset she was. But then after the police managed to get one cuff on her wrist she went into a dissociative state where she was unresponsive to anyone, completely rigid, and staring down at the water from the fence. The police and guards tried to get a response but she was totally gone. At that point the body was a shell and no personality filled it. Then suddenly, realising she was being cuffed, Sally came out again. Like an explosion, she let loose at the officers until they managed to get her hands cuffed behind her back. Baring in mind the police van was only parked six feet away in the middle of the bridge, it took several police officers to be able to carry her to the van and get her inside the cage. She managed to kick one of them in the chest, hit one in the face and elbow one in the ribs; even while handcuffed. I have to admit that Sally has skill when it comes to being violent in almost impossible situations.

Sally was left alone in the cage with an officer watching her from the back seat, and two colleagues following behind due to how violent Sally was being. This also meant they put they're lights and sirens on. Very slyly Sally managed to slowly ease her hand out of one of the cuffs. She knew there was a razor blade concealed within the lining of her coat (which meant if she was searched no one would find it). As soon as she got the cuffs off one hand she went straight for her pocket.

"Stop the van!" shouted the officer watching her. "She's uncuffed herself!" 

With a quick siren and a sudden stop, the officers went to the back of the van and opened the doors. With two free hands she managed to assault another two police officers and find herself facedown in the cage being handcuffed again. Did this stop her? She kept trying to get the cuffs off. It's left marks over Keri's hands, some from where the cuffs were, others from scraping her hand out of them.

On arrival back at the unit, Sally was still being extremely verbally and physically aggressive. Four officers stayed with Sally while a nurse tried to get her to take some medication. Sally was still handcuffed and had been forced to sit down. The nurse was trying to get the pills into Sally's mouth but she was having none of it.

"Fuck off you dirty bitch," screamed Sally. "I ain't takin' none of that fuckin' poison!"

In the end, two other nurses had to be called from other units as it took eight people to be able to sort Sally out. As she was refusing any form of pill, phone calls were being made to Lime Unit. They were checking to see if their seclusion room was free so that Sally could spend the night there and have an intramuscular injection as she was refusing any form of medication and had also assaulted several police officers due to her violent behaviour, not something that Alder Unit can deal with. After half an hour of sitting there trying to get out of the handcuffs she finally gave in. There was no way she was going to let Keri back out while in the seclusion unit. In the end, the nurse got three pills and one by one put them in Sally's mouth, had a sip of water, then repeated a couple of times; Lorazepam, Quetiapine, Mirtazapine. Sally felt totally patronised as if she was being spoon fed like a baby. When it looked like the situation was less volatile, they took the handcuffs off of Sally and eventually the police officers left, with the reassurance that every door was locked and secured (to the annoyance of one of the other patients who hadn't gone to bed yet). 

After demanding to have a cigarette the two staff went outside with her to make sure she didn't jump the fence again. The other two staff went back to their wards, reassuring the staff on Alder that they'd rush back ASAP if needed and would try and keep the seclusion room free. That thankfully wasn't necessary. When Sally went back inside, she said, "I'm going upstairs. I'm letting Keri back out. She won't remember anything that happened so good luck explaining that to her you pricks." And with that, she was off to Keri's room. Obviously there was a lot more verbal abuse involved between her, the staff and the officers but I can't write down all of it, I'd be writing a novel otherwise.

When Keri came out, she saw the pile of wet clothes, felt the bruises on her wrists, saw the scraped skin where Sally had been getting out of the handcuffs and noticed a new note on her wardrobe saying, "Keri. Your leave is fucked. Enjoy Xmas." On seeing all this Keri burst into tears for a good fifteen minutes and then text her foster mother saying that Christmas was ruined, which turned into a short phone call about what had happened, except Keri couldn't tell her much as she'd been too scared to go and talk to the staff. She had no idea who was working this evening because Sally disappeared during handover. She plucked up the courage after her phone call and spent a good hour or so chatting with the staff in their office about what had happened. She got quite upset when she was told they were going to have to put Sally in seclusion because she'd assaulted several police officers. Keri felt so ashamed. They explained that Sally had been brought back from the bridge again (the second time in just three days). This lead on to a conversation about Keri's DID as she wanted someone to understand. The staff were quick to realise how terrifying it must be, having complete amnesia and then finding yourself in confusing or dangerous situations. She was then reminded about the fact she was never going to be able to get a driver's licence until Sally's anger has been sorted out.

So now Keri's sat in her room and it's 2.30am. Is that it? I'm nocturnal and even I'm feeling tired! Probably a combination of Sally's trek and the amount of medication in Keri's body. They've given her more Diazepam half an hour ago as well so she'll sleep well. If she's had a major dissociative episode then she can sleep for England the day afterwards as it exhausts her so much. The problem is she wants to be up so she can beg for her leave. She had a discussion about it with the night staff and they're writing everything down. Even if it means Liz has to take care of Keri's medication, including extra Lorazepam (which will very likely be needed) to make sure things stay stable. I'll be being picked up by Liz anyway, the rest is down to Keri. I'm reassured that she'll have all her medication to hand. I doubt Sally will come out. There's going to be ten people, including Keri. Over 50 if you include all of us too! Let's hope Christmas Eve brings some much needed rest, for all of us!