I started my new group therapy yesterday. It was actually a lot better than I thought it was going to be. My main concern was going into a room full of new people. Obviously, to protect the confidentiality of everyone else involved in the group, I won't be naming any names.
I was greeted by the guy who runs the group, CA, and taken into the room with someone else who had been waiting to go in. On arrival there were two other people in the room already. There were going to be six patients there altogether with two members of staff.
The term "Never judge a book by it's cover" is most important when it comes to groups like these. Even though there were only six of us, we were all entirely different. Although in some ways I guess we were similar. Needing support and hoping to have at least improved some aspect of our mental health by the end of the ten weeks.
The group is three days a week, for two hours per session, for ten weeks. It's pretty intense but I think it may help me. The problem with this is, I coped with it yesterday. The voices have got worse today, I may have to bring up the topic when I go back to group tomorrow if they haven't calmed down. I don't want the other patients to feel I'm deliberately ignoring them or feel uneasy if I'm staring at them constantly while they're talking, just so I can focus on what they are saying rather than what the voices are trying to say to me.
On first impression, it seems okay. Even if I don't feel it'll improve my mental health, I've at least met new people. I got along quite well with all of them. The one link we all had was a sense of humour. It's strange that in the mental health side of things, everyone seems to have developed the same kind of humour. It's nice that the group isn't going to be serious and that there will be some fun and joking sides of things.
Overall I think it'll be okay. I'd phoned CA the day before and explained I was having a rough time taking my medication. The voices are still arguing and I'd been scared shitless earlier that morning. I'd gone to pick up my prescription and after picking it up had a black spot and found myself a fair distance away from the house. I had no recollection of getting there and it just proved to me that the voices really can control me whenever they want. I think it's some kind of severe form of dissociation but no one has really explained it to me.
CA helped and I explained that I was in a lose-lose situation. My foster mother, LG, had spoken to me and said "Keri, we can't force the medication down your throat. We can only try and persuade you, but if you don't take it then you'll end up at Callington Road and we don't want that happening." For those that don't know, Callington Road is short for Callington Road Hospital which is an adult psychiatric hospital. Of course I don't want to go there! So by not taking my medication, there is a high chance of me being admitted there whether I liked it or not. By taking my medication, it angers the voices and they may end up doing something incredibly stupid, or being so loud that I end up doing something incredibly stupid, and I'll end up locked away in there anyway. That's what I meant by the 'lose-lose situation'.
CA said that considering the situation I was in, he thought the group was really going to help me. To get to the group though, and be calm enough to be able to get there, I was going to have to take my medication. He said not to think about it and to make my main aim to be able to walk through the door into the group. I managed that aim and got into the group, taking my medication also. Go me!
I hope the group helps. From hearing what the other patients have said, they all seem to have varying symptoms which fit with many of mine. I have varied symptoms but no one has given me a diagnosis so all I can go by is what they talk about. All I know is that I almost cried at one of the patients yesterday as she explained about what she was going through. I related to some of it, although I didn't say so. I didn't feel comfortable to say anything about it at the time. Hopefully that'll change once I'm more used to the other patients.
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