Sectioned in Hospital - 5 months 30 days

Written by Fox.

DAY 184 - 7th February, Friday

Could Keri have gotten up in any more of a restless and annoyed mood? No! And now I'm feeling really restless and miserable which means poor Jimmy and Daniel are being neglected as I couldn't give them the proper attention that they wanted! I don't want them coming out in this hospital. Can you imagine a 4 year old wandering around an acute ward? Especially with some of the patients here.

Keri had her appointment with Fiona today but I couldn't pay much attention to what was going on. I really struggled trying to distract Jimmy and Daniel so David ended up having to help me. He even said I should go off and rest for a bit and get some help. I have no idea why I feel so off. Maybe I should see Fiona on Monday during Keri's next psychotherapy session. 

Well, Keri got up in a mood and as the day went on things seemed to get progressively worse, especially this evening as Sally has started partially coming out so Keri's starting to feel short tempered and angry. This little old woman kicked Keri tonight (although it wasn't even hard enough to leave a bruise but Sally still got annoyed). Keri just shouted "What the fuck was that for?" The woman then walked to the other side of the room where they were smoking and started muttering under her breath. Keri felt herself getting really angry so threw away her cigarette and went straight to her room. She spent nearly 20 minutes arguing with Sally as Sally wanted to come out and beat the little old lady up, whereas Keri knew this woman has dementia so tries not to take things personally (which is hard when Sally's quite dominant). Things are not going to be good tomorrow. One wrong word from someone and bang, Sally's going to ballistic. Although maybe that's a good thing. She needs to vent, even if it gets Keri into trouble. 

Good news though, Keri's found a replacement for her iPod. Well, actually Natalie mentioned it to me when I was trying to get her to the forefront of everything. Keri can sync all her iTunes music to her phone so can use that to plug her headphones into but it's just a pain for her because of the battery. The battery life of an iPod nano is a lot better than an iPhone 5s!

Sectioned in Hospital - 5 months 29 days

Written by Fox.

DAY 183 - 6th February, Thursday

Keri spent a lot of time with her mum and her partner today, mainly playing Uno and chattering away. They're coming by next week. It was good for Keri to be with people that aren't involved with hospital stuff! They also brought her some coffee, coke, cigarettes... The mainstay of Keri's diet! There was definitely a self esteem boost as her mum seems to be terrible at Uno! Keri also tried a cigar that John brought in. Very dignified! She's got another one for later on. Next time they visit maybe John will be smoking a cigar!

There's been a lot of tetchiness going on this evening because of Sally. Keri has a psychotherapy appointment tomorrow and because Sally blames Fiona for us now being on a locked ward. Seeing Fiona = more anger. That's bad, but maybe the silver lining is that Sally won't be able to contain herself and will come out in the appointments.

Short post again! Hopefully it's all calm again tomorrow. 

Sectioned in Hospital - Day 149

Written by Fox.

DAY 149 - 3rd January, Friday

I am SO ANGRY. The day started ok. Keri was unusually perky and her foster dad brought her TV in and set it up for her after they went to the supermarket to get a lead for the aerial. It looks pretty amazing and Keri enjoyed having some time with her foster dad. He even got to try some of Keri's coffee from her machine! It was a good break for her and it also gave the nurses a chance to get him to sign Keri's section 17 leave form as they are rarely able to get a relative's signature. 

So much has happened today but I'm just so angry right now. Keri had a key working session and the woman was such a bitch! She said to Keri that if Keri went AWOL and came back being verbally and physically aggressive then she should learn to control herself. Control herself? She's not even her fucking self! It's Sally doing that and no one has control of her behaviour when she comes out! You can tell I'm angry because I rarely swear! She then said that it was the view of the staff that they refer to Keri as Keri even if one of us comes out. What?! Do we not fucking exist anymore? I didn't mind it when we were all a secret and Keri was considered a delinquent but now they know us why should we be ignored? Why should our identities be trodden on? Why shouldn't we be treated like people? We are fucking people! Why can't people understand that!? We aren't just figments in Keri's head, we're all PEOPLE for gods sake. WE ARE REAL PEOPLE. SO DONT TREAT US LIKE WE DONT EVEN EXIST. It's degrading and offensive.

The only person we aren't offended by is good old Ade. He's working tonight. Keri was sat watching TV and we've all been shouting angrily since her session. As soon as Ade came in we all shut up, including Sally. Keri noticed this just as he was leaving, as we started up again afterwards. He's not clueless, he's met Sally before. I actually quite like him but it's really confused Keri. I bet you that by the time she goes to bed she will have gone to Ade and sat and had a conversation about it.

Screw all these bastards. We're gone tomorrow. I don't care what anyone says. Keri, Sally, do what you want. We don't exist so obviously you make all the decisions and are always in control of your actions. We're just your figments. Ignore us and we'll go away. STUPID. STUPID. STUPID.