Sectioned in Hospital - 2 years 7 months

Written by Fox.

A lot has happened since September and most of it is good! Keri now has unescorted leave (despite it being repeatedly taken away and given back after a period of time). We have also had a tribunal and a discharge plan which I'll talk more about in a minute. The dissociating has been all over the place. I haven't been well lately as me, along with some of the other alters, have been helping sort out Sally so that she doesn't carry on being a homicidal psycho. I've been self harming. Even though I've been encouraging Keri not to! I've found that if I'm writing blog posts or diary entries (separate to Keri's stuff) then things aren't so bad and I can distract myself from my head when it's spinning around.

We had a tribunal at the beginning of December. There was three members of the panel, our solicitor, Keri's brother, a nurse from the ward and the psychiatrist (which Keri gets along well with now, whereas in the beginning she wouldn't even look him in the eye!). They had a chat to begin with before Keri, Jamie and the nurse went in. There was no need for anyone to get nervous really as they'd already made their decision by the time we walked into the conference room! Keri wanted to move on to a locked rehab unit rather than wait until her CPA in March for things to start moving. The panel consisted of a solicitor, a psychiatrist and a social worker. They all agreed Keri was ready to move and that things should start rolling now rather than waiting until March. It was the outcome that everybody was looking for. Afterwards, to celebrate, Keri went out on her unescorted leave with Jamie.

Despite it being a good outcome, things seemed to deteriorate quite quickly with regards to us coming out and the self harm that was happening at those times. Keri had quite a chat with her psychiatrist and her therapist (a new one she started seeing in September as the other went on maternity leave). She gets along well with her therapist and after all the conversations, it was decided that if Keri stayed until June and carried on therapy to try and understand the switching of us coming out then the psychiatrist would look at the open rehab at our last hospital, rather than spending a year in locked rehab before moving to open anyway. We had a meeting with Pathfinders (an agency in our last area who get involved when it's time for someone to move on somewhere else) and it was more officially decided. 

During Keri's CPA in March it was pretty much set in stone that we're all going to be moving back to the open rehab we had been in a couple of years ago at the previous hospital we were in. We weren't ready for it then with Sally being completely out of control but things seem to have calmed down a bit now on that front. As long as Keri continues therapy with her therapist then we can all go! In a couple of weeks we're being assessed again to go back to Alder Unit (the open rehab ward in our last hospital). It's quite reassuring for Keri as she knows both the psychiatrist and the ward manager who are coming. I'll be writing another blog post soon after we're assessed.

How is therapy going? Pretty good. Right now Keri is working with her therapist about understanding why we come out and why we do what we do. At first we were all dead set against Keri talking about this as we thought she wanted to get rid of us. Keri's therapist has been very reassuring though and has told us that it isn't the case we're being gotten rid of. That's not going to happen. They're just discussing why it happens. Some of the alters are still against Keri talking about us but there are several of us who understand it's not to be nasty or anything. It's just to try helping limit the negative behaviours when some of them come out, like with Sally and her homicidal thoughts. As long as none of my friends are threatened I don't mind Keri talking about us.

Sectioned in Hospital - 2 years 30 days

Written by Fox.

What a start to September. Another month gone. Time is disappearing quickly!

Keri went to her first PTSD group on Thursday which went quite well in Keri's opinion. It was a bit slow in my opinion; talking about rules and introductions and the content of the group. I think Keri was just glad to know there were other people there which I think is also a good thing. It makes her feel less alone. Everyone needs support sometimes.

Keri got struck down with a fluey head cold this week. She spent all day in bed on Friday because she was aching so much. It's rare to see her in bed for 36 hours. On the positive side, the staff waited on her hand and foot; getting her drinks, bringing up her medication... She's still feeling a bit rough but a lot better than she was.

I feel quite optimistic about things at the moment. We've managed to keep hold of Sally and stop her wreaking havoc amongst the other patients. Speaking of which, a new one arrived on Thursday. I haven't formed an opinion yet. She hasn't caused any incidents yet. About incidents, Keri self harmed on Thursday! The first time in months! Luckily it wasn't classed as an 'incident' but Keri was gutted that she'd broken her stride. Hopefully she can get back on track again so she doesn't feel so badly about it.

Things are looking pretty good. There's always going to be blips but as long as we all keep trying to work together than the blips won't turn into relapses.

Managing Triggers

(C) GOT PARTS? BY ATW

Triggers are something that remind you of, or bring you back to, an emotional or psychic place of remembering something about the traumatic event(s) in your past.

Triggers vary greatly from person to person, and from alter to alter. A person (or part) may or may not be aware of what their triggers are, or why they are triggers. Triggers are specific to that person's/alter's experience. Something which is very triggering to one person or alter may not be a trigger to anyone else, perhaps not even to anyone else in one's own system. Triggers usually involve one or more of the five senses: sight, sound, taste, touch or smell.

One basic way to begin learning to manage triggers is to have each part make a list of what their triggers are, understanding this list may grow longer as the therapeutic process progresses. This is not because you're 'getting worse', but is because your bank of self-knowledge and self-awareness is growing. This is a good thing, because the more you know, the less chance you have of being blindsided by something on the future.

Each alter can share their list with others inside, and as co-consciousness and the level of trust between parts increases, you all can find ways of helping each other when one or more parts get triggered.

It will be important to share your lists of triggers with your therapist, who will have additional ideas on how to work to get them to a manageable level. However, please remember there is no magic answer, no quick fix to any of this. It comes down to doing hard and challenging work, seeing what works for others, and sometimes, plain old trial and error.

We are not isolated in the effects our triggers have. People around us, and those we are in some type of relationship with are also affected when we are triggered, or when we learn to deal with our triggers.

One system had this to say about triggers...

"People have different triggers. It would be helpful to discuss these things. Allow yourself some room to avoid certain triggers while working on becoming comfortable with a physical environment that has been involved in previous hurts. It's very possible to overcome these triggers with work and support. Believe in yourself!"

While some triggers may never totally go away, over time you can figure out what works, and so to get to a place where the effects of triggers don't have to be as devastating or disabling.

Sectioned in Hospital - 2 years 20 days

Written by Fox.

Keri's been pretty out of it today. She's spent most of her time hidden in her bedroom and only spent a few hours downstairs (and even then she sat in the kitchen away from everyone). I've had to completely take control in regards to her eating. She did perk up a bit after her brother rang which I was hoping for. Just goes to show how important family is to Keri. 

One of the psychologists came to see Keri today. She's being offered a place in a new group that starts next week. It's about dealing with trauma and PTSD. There's only several patients going out of all four wards. A nice quiet group by the sounds of it. I hope the rest of us are welcome as well. A lot of us need help with trauma stuff but I don't know whether we will get any support if we come out in the group. It's ten weeks long so that's not much time for Keri to learn skills let alone the rest of us!

Sectioned in Hospital - 2 years 19 days

Written by Fox.

Keri saw her psychologist and she had a good chat. Keri has a significant day coming up that is related to something bad happening a while back and it's getting her down. Her psychologist suggested that because she currently has poor coping skills she should rely on medication to let her sleep for the day, or 'have a day off' so to speak. I think this is probably best until Keri has some better coping mechanisms. At the moment she resorts to self harm, absconding (although this place is almost impossible to run away from), ligaturing or dissociating. Besides dissociating (although I may be a bit biased!) all of these are pretty unhealthy and we all want Keri to be safe. Her psychologist has actually read some of my blogs which I'm quite chuffed about. Besides that, Keri has been napping and watching Dr. Who. What a life. I don't blame her for wanting to be out learning to drive and working her socks off for minimum wage!

Sectioned in Hospital - 2 years 18 days

Written by Fox.

Today has been pretty good for Keri, and for the rest of us actually. We went on home leave today and it definitely did Keri good going to visit her foster family. She chatted, drank coffee, meandered around the garden, watched athletics, caught up with her family... It was all good! The only drawback was that Keri kept dissociating again. Luckily the member of staff that took her realised this and offered Keri to go out for a quick walk to clear her head. They went out together and Keri had a good cry and got everything off her chest. She didn't dissociate for the rest of her visit. To Keri's delight, the driver got stuck in London so she managed to stay for an extra two hours! The sun even came out near the middle of the visit. It's a good omen. I hope Keri continues to make good progress as she's doing really well at the moment, especially with the support from her foster family, brother and certain members of staff from the hospital.

That's our day today. I haven't written much as everyone in our brain is tired! Not even a quick chat with people tonight! Straight to bed.

Sectioned in Hospital - 2 years 17 days

Clarissa is happy. Keri got her some false nails and she put them on yesterday although Keri isn't into that kind of thing. I'm not either but we all have to live in one body! The nails only cost seven pounds. One of the staff is a beautician so she did the nails back on the ward. I have to admit they look pretty. Even better for Clari is she gets to put on Keri's makeup for her with the agreement that it's not pink. A little cooperation goes a long way to making our life easier.

Keri has been out twice in the last couple of days. She went out with her brother yesterday and out for a bus assessment with O.T. (Occupational Therapy) today. She had a pretty good day yesterday with regards to her dissociation but it's all gone a bit messed up today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Penny, Chantelle and Emmy are still pretty dominant personalities right now. It's pressing down on Keri a lot now and her healthy streak is going a bit downhill. She's still drinking water and not smoking but her food intake is getting lower. I'm hoping it's just a blip.