Over the last week or so my foster carer has been in charge of my medication; giving it to me at the specified times, making sure I take it and telling me to take it when I start trying to refuse to take it. The problem is, this evening my foster carer got out my 6pm medication and told me to take it. I said I'd take it 'in a minute'. She then had to go out and as soon as she did that, a voice told me not to take it. It was a voice I didn't recognise so it wasn't one of my alters, unless it's one that hasn't felt comfortable revealing themselves yet.
Getting back to the point, I made a point of wandering through the kitchen to get a drink with my meds pot in my hand in front of my older foster sister and as I walked out I tipped the pot into my mouth and then took a drink; but instead of the tablets going in my mouth I managed to get them to slip into my sleeve instead (I'm wearing a baggy hoody). Then I went straight up to the toilet and washed them down the sink.
Why do I feel guilty? I hate betraying the trust of my foster carers. I also know that I can't even speak to them about this strange new voice as it'll involve the topic of me not taking my medication coming up which I can't allow to happen. I refuse to give them any reason to have me taken into hospital - and every person who knows me knows that I wouldn't go voluntarily.
So that was just a quick vent. I needed to let that out. Stupid psychiatrists. I tell you what, since seeing the psychiatrist last Friday I've been very dubious about talking about my feelings because she mentioned the 'hospital ultimatum'. Even if I did take my medication begrudgingly, they'd still come up with something else to blackmail me with like "if you don't eat you're going into hospital".
I really don't know what to do. My foster carers would be so frustrated with me if they knew or found out. Help! :(
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