Anyway, what’s been happening?? We’ve been discharged from our long four year section for about 18 months now and we’ve only had to go back a few times since then. It’s taken a long time to adjust to life outside of hospital but we’re really enjoying it. I love to go on evening walks to see the stars but was never allowed to in hospital because of all their rules. Now I can! The staff here are really good. We live in our own flat but have 24 hour support and a lot of 1 to 1 time with a small group of them. I’ve really missed writing my blog. We share an Instagram account now so all of us can post when we want to rather than us all having separate Facebook accounts.
For a few months Keri went missing. A teenage alter was out instead. She appeared out of nowhere and none of us even knew she existed. Keri had a relapse with her drinking and in December she had a case of the DTs when she stopped drinking. A few days later she was gone and a teenage alter was here! Keri didn’t come back until the end of March and that was only because me and several other alters were on a mission to find where she was. Keri isn’t actually the original person to be born. The original ‘alter’ is kept hidden and has been since she was about 8 years old. We chose Keri as our host but that was a long time ago. That’s something that’s for a whole book to write about!
Since we got Keri back, the last few months have been a bit all over the place. While the teenage alter was out she moved flats. We’re in the same building but had to move to the ground floor due to health issues. With several alters having eating disorders and the arthritis in various joints, it was a safety thing. The managers and staff didn’t want Keri to end up fainting and falling down two flights of stairs or tripping whenever she had to use her crutches. A lot of us were really insecure to begin with as it’s the GROUND floor. But there’s cameras everywhere. That’s reassuring.
We didn’t realise how good life was outside of hospital. We’d never had this independence before so we didn’t even know what we were missing. Now we never want to let it go. I hated the few times that we had to go to hospital since living here but I know it had to be done for safety reasons. There’s no restrictions here besides open flames and not smoking in the flats. I can deal with that. I’m even allowed to go out to walk in the evenings. We’ve got a few things in place between me and the staff just so I’m safe. Because of the fact I can’t talk there’s obviously worries there as if I get into trouble I can’t shout or call out. I’ve got a pretty solid plan though and I get along really well with the staff.
When we moved here, I was worried. The staff had never worked with anyone with DID before. I think to begin with they didn’t know how to react when I came out, or any other alters for that matter now. But as time has gone on, it’s just normal now, and none of us has to worry about not being accepted or just being ignored and pretending we don’t exist.
It’s actually my birthday tomorrow, along with my twin sister Clari’s. We stay 15 every year but love celebrating anyway! Clari has been having a hissy fit because Keri is on her crutches right now. That means Clari can’t “dance to her tunes”. I’ve promised Clari that if we can’t celebrate tomorrow then I’ll save my celebrations until the body is physically capable of handling Clari’s mania! Our key worker wants to see Clari tomorrow for her birthday but if we can’t do it tomorrow then I don’t mind waiting a week. Maybe it’s a silver lining. If we have to wait a week to celebrate, depending on the body’s joints, then I can get some decorations or something to boost Clari’s mood. She doesn’t get depressed much. She’s normally a ball of energy, like a toddler who’s had 10 cups of coffee loaded with sugar! But she’s a bit low tonight and is blaming all the alters with eating disorders for the fact that the excessive exercise has messed with her birthday. I can’t say I’m happy about it but I’m also considerate. Eating disorders are illnesses and it’s not like they’ve done it on purpose to mess with our birthday.
We have a private therapist now and she’s amazing. She’s experienced on various illnesses but especially DID and eating disorders. She also does family therapy which some of us hope to do in the future with Keri and her birth mum. Their relationship is a lot better than it used to be and Keri is determined to make it work but there’s concerns from various people, including mental health professionals. It’s understandable though with the history which I’m definitely not going to go into. You’d get the general gist from posts I made years ago on this blog but I don’t want to go there now. I’m in a fairly good mood and I don’t want to spoil that.
Over the next few months I’ll be able to catch everything up from the last couple of years. The main thing is we’re no longer in hospital! We actually have a home address not a ward address! There’s times I get very frustrated with people, especially when I can see something is really wrong like with the episode Keri is having at the moment. But other than that I couldn’t be happier. I’d love to meet some new people but I’m not sure how they’d respond to me, especially if they don’t know we have DID. It can feel very isolating. But I’m going to see if I can go to the community centre to meet some people with a support worker. Keri goes every Wednesday with.. let’s call her CW. I might ask Keri if she can bring it up this week with her to see how it would work. Staff are fine with me communicating via paper but I’m not sure how other clients from other places would react. I think it’s worth the risk of being thought of as weird. Loneliness is horrible and what if I do meet someone I really get along with? I love my family but sometimes it’s nice just to have some friends to count on. Friends that aren’t other alters! Don’t you think I should at least try? I hope so.
It’s been great to write my first post again. I’d almost forgotten how great it feels to write one! Almost.. It’s the greatest outlet I’ve ever had. Hey, maybe you’ll see me in a YouTube video on our channel in the future! Have a good night fellow bloggers :D
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